Long-Distance Relationships

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Long-Distance RelationshipsThis
week, Doc Love helps a reader navigate the world of
with advice from “The System.”

reader’s question

Hey Doc,I’d been seeing Brenda, a single mum with two kids, for a short
while. We live about 45 minutes away from each other and had a handful of dates. She
admitted to me that she’s been seeing someone who lives in her town and that
she’s felt herself growing closer to him.

distance and dating

Now, how much of an issue is distance when it comes to dating? I don’t think 45
minutes away is that far. Alternatively, I’m hesitant to date anyone outside of my
city, but in the event I meet someone from out of town again, I’d like to know how I
might handle it better. There aren’t many options here in my town.I also
want to add that I always seem to get stuck at three or four dates with a woman, and this
happens at about the one-month period. The only one that didn’t end in that period
of time was a short-term “fake” relationship where the woman went back to her
ex, later married him and divorced him. This has become quite frustrating for me because
it seems like I can’t even get into a relationship with a woman. Everyone tells me all the stupid cliches: “Don’t try so hard.” (I
don’t.) “Girls don’t like the nice
.” (I’m not your typical nice guy.) “It will happen when you
least expect it.” (I’m not expecting anything.)Doc, I’m 30
and would love for my luck to change. I sometimes think I would benefit from having
someone right alongside me to help me, but I have no clue how to begin with that.Thank you for your time.Marcellus – who’s hit a

doc love’s response

Hi Marcellus,Whoa. Wait a minute here. You’re telling me that
you’re dating a woman who is telling you that she’s seeing someone else and
that her Interest Level in this other guy is going up? Doesn’t that tell you that
you’re out of this long-distance relationship? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says,
“Boy, she’s usin’ a bullhorn right in your face!” And
doesn’t that tell you that this whole thing is all a waste of time? Doesn’t
this tell you that you’re coming in second in the horse race? Like my cousin Fast
Eddie Love says, “Nobody remembers who comes in second at the track. Only the
winners pay off.”

do long-distance relationships work?

To answer your question about long distance, the truth is that it’s a big deal. To
you Psych majors: If you live 5 or 10 minutes away from a girl, it’s easy to date
her and use Challenge. But when she lives 45 minutes to an hour away, you naturally will
have to see her less and your planning has to be much stricter. Basically, everything is
much harder in a long-distance relationship. How do you handle this situation better? You
can’t. The girl has to live closer to you. The rule is that the shorter the
distance between the two of you, the better off you are. As far as the local options are
concerned, you haven’t met every girl in your town, have you, Marcellus?The reason you keep getting stuck at the one-month period with girls is because
you’re doing things wrong. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says,
“What happens is that the girl likes you on the first date, you’re pretty good
on the second date, on the third date things start going downhill, and by the fourth date,
you’re out.” This happens to lots of guys. And it happens because they say and
do all the wrong things because they don’t have my programme, “The System.” And this is apparently what’s
happening in your case, my friend. More advice on dealing with a long-distance
relationship next…

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Swedish Girls

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Is the hype about Swedish girls really true? Are they really the hottest
on earth? Well, that’s the type of question that is best argued about into the
early morning accompanied by pint after pint of beer, so we’ll leave that up to you. All
we can do is provide evidence for the “yes” side of the argument. So let’s say
for the sake of argument that Swedish girls are the world’s hottest. The next logical
question is, how do I meet one? What do I say to her? How to I get her to hang out with me
all the time, and ultimately share my bed? Well gentlemen, reporting directly from Sweden,
here are some tips for dating
Swedish girls.We decided to ask Sapphire, author of the blog Lost
in Stockholm
, for information about what Swedish girls don’t like in a guy.
“Swedish girls are everything what you fantasize
about,” writes Sapphire. “They are tall, beautiful, blonde (although often artificially
blond dyed hair), busty, athletic, and strong. These Viking women are the enigma wrapped
in a conundrum because the men still haven’t figured them out.”

What Swedish girls don’t want

According to Sapphire, Swedish girls get fed up with Swedish guys for the following
reasons.-They tend to be shy-They’re stingy, and don’t invite girls out
much-They’re too dependent on alcohol for conversation,
and they often drink to get drunk, with no understanding of moderation-No alcohol
equals no conversation-They’re too emotionally distant and far away So
what’s a guy to do? Read on for tips on how to score a Swedish girl.  

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Sexual Experimentation

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Will Sex Toys Lead Her Astray?

Dear Doctor Chaves, My girlfriend has been getting more and more into sex. When I first met her, she
was kind of shy, not too sexual. I didn’t have a problem with it. The longer
we’ve been together, the more she  wants to be more
. Now she wants to get sex toys
and use them. She’s changing so fast, and I don’t know if I like it. Will her
using sex toys make her think I’m not as good of a lover or lead her to cheating
or ending things? -Carlos I’ve
never come across any information or research that suggests women have left men because
of their sex toys. Usually women leave men for reasons other than not being
battery-operated. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is expanding her sexual horizons
and that is threatening to you. She’s becoming more comfortable with herself, her
body and sexual experimentation. For most guys, including this one, that’s a good
thing. You’re going to need to challenge your discomfort and unease with her
newfound sexual
and jump on the bandwagon of supportive sexual comfort. I
detect a certain amount of inferiority that the sex toy issue is triggering for you, but
becoming more confident in yourself, your sexual expression and your partners’ sexual
expression is going to be essential to growing as a couple. Her sex toy is not going to
lead her to cheating or ending things, but your insecurities may.
Here’s a tip that most men don’t know: Those sex toys —
the ones that on the surface make some men feel jealous, angry or inferior — can become
our biggest allies in bed. Don’t waste your time worrying if you compare or stack
up to a toy. You don’t get angry at your car for being able to get you to work
faster than your legs. Why get mad at a sex toy? It’s just doing its job and trying
to help you and your partner out. Once you rationalize the distorted
logic behind your anger toward a battery-operated device that can’t cuddle,
support, love, or communicate, you may begin to see some pleasant and pleasurable
changes. If you use a sex toy with your partner during sex, for example, placing a
vibrator on the clitoris of your partner during intercourse, she’ll probably like
it. She may enjoy the time you both spend sexually. She might orgasm more often or more
powerfully. She may think you’re a magician and that vibrator is your magic wand.
And when she’s having a girls night out and the ladies are talking about their sex
lives, she’ll be saying how amazing her sex life is and what a great lover her man
is. Yup, the vibrator puts in effort and you get the credit because it becomes an
extension of your lovemaking ability. To me, a great lover is one who helps facilitate
pleasure for their partner, not inhibit it.

Masturbation Exhibitionism

I have this thing where I like to masturbate in random places and I keep track of
where I’ve done it. It’s kind of a game or just something I do. Is this
normal?-Mike, Baltimore People masturbate in
random places and at random times, so it’s perfectly normal. Most people
don’t talk about where or when they’ve masturbated, but it’s often
different for different people. I’ve heard places including in the car while
driving, at school, in the library, at world landmarks, and at family members’ homes. I wouldn’t characterise your game as not normal, just unique. I do want to
bring up that if you’re playing this game, you want to respect the rights of others and
not expose yourself to people who have no desire to be a part of it. Use your best
judgment so that you don’t put yourself or others at risk (masturbating in public,
non-legal, exhibitionistic,
or coercive expressions, etc). The point is, keep it respectful, legal and
clean. Since it’s not in my nature to crush someone’s sexual expression, how
about a modification? Why not random places, random times in toilets? There’s a
toilet almost everywhere you go. You’re private, no one to disrespect and it’s not
illegal — just you, the porcelain god and a little self-lovin’.More from Dr.
Chaves, next…

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7 Deadly Sins Of Dating

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 We all know how it goes; you stick it out through the tough times, you get driven
crazy by each other’s bad habits, and, for the most part, it seems like things
are going great. Then, only moments after you burn your little black book, seemingly out
of nowhere, your partner ends the relationship.This is not a rare story. And
it always seems to happen to the guys who feel like they’re giving 100% of themselves –
and perhaps therein lies the problem. But why? You constantly told her you loved her, and
it seemed like you were with her all the time. Well, that was the problem.If
you were smart enough to follow the 15 Commandments
of Dating
, then chances are you know what to do to make a relationship work. But, on
the other hand, there are 7 things that can kill a relationship quicker than appearing on
Jeremy Kyle. By making sure that you don’t ever commit one of these deadly sins, you
can (almost) guaruntee years of loyal devotion and commitment from your lady
that will make your life immeasurably easier.

7 Deadly Sins

The myth that there are certain things men can do to destroy their romantic relationships
is true. We all know that cheating or blowing your cash on strippers will rightly push her
over the edge, but there are a few less obvious things that you may have never considered.
The following is a list of things that can ruin your relationship. Read ’em, learn ’em,
and for God’s sake, put ’em to good use.

Deadly 1

Don’t come on too strongA
woman knows when you are coming on strong, and chances are that she will either interpret
it as desperation. You don’t want to give her the impression that she is the absolute best
you can do. Let her know that you care about her and that she is special to you by all
means; just don’t start worshipping her from the first meeting.

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