Coping After An Affair

Affairs are probably one of the areas of relationships that have proven to impact individuals the greatest.

The impact of an affair is potentially huge on so many people and can literally rip families apart.

People feel betrayed, full of resentment, some wanting revenge, on all levels the emotional response is very high.

It is very rare for people to set out to have an affair.

Affairs can happen for many reasons, my experience in couples counselling have been that affairs have happened due to the person who had the affair feeling that they were missing something in their lives and they believe the new person will fulfil that need.

This is in most cases a costly perception because whilst a few needs did get fulfilled many other critical needs become pushed to one side. In the excitement the cost can be ignored.

This cost is then discovered too late and when the damage has been done.

To start on the road to recovery after an affair both parties must be given the room to air honest feelings, create new boundaries and share what they believe caused the affair.

What starts off a seemingly simple quest for lust, can easily unravel far deeper issues in the individuals and the relationship.

It is for this reason that before a decision about the future of the relationship is decided, understanding is a key part of that process.

  • You may decide that despite what you know the relationship has to end, but you want accelerated healing to get on with your life.
  • You made feel that you would like to try to rebuild your relationship and are willing to embark on a relationship building program.

Every situation is different and what you want is individual and personal to you.

Can the relationship survive?

Understanding what caused the affair is a first step to building a stronger relationship. Very often relationships that do survive this destructive event, and understand why it happened do go on to be more in tune with each others needs.

If an affair has affected your relationship and you would
like support please contact Stephen Hedger.

 

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