Are you longing to get back with your ex, but
are not sure what to do?
Read this page carefully and you will discover exactly how to get him or her back.
The first step is to understand exactly why you are not together right now. The real reason you are not together is not what you think it is, so I‘ll help you get that thinking cap on.
The reason we need to know exactly why you are not together is so we can focus on changing your specific problem area only. We need to avoid other areas which are ok in the relationship because if focused on would only irritate your ex and prove you really didn’t understand their needs.
Get this wrong and you will totally blow your chances…
First step – Did you decide to break it off and now you have changed your mind?
Or did they do it?
Whoever pressed the button on the relationship thought they had a good reason. The starting point is to discover what the real reason was and work on that.
- Below is an example of what happens to men and women in conflict. This will explain what really happens that most couples miss. This knowledge will help you know what you have to do to get your partner back.
For example: You may have split up because you argued all the time or maybe your arguing became the straw that broke the camels back, and you both became so fed-up that splitting seemed the only option.
Arguments can get out of control especially if neither party is understanding each other, so translating what men and women really want is your starting point.
This is critical to understand
- A woman is looking for proof that a man loves her and he will take care of all her needs for the rest of her life.
- A man is looking for proof that he is doing a good job in making her happy.
You may not agree with this, but don’t forget that what you have done so far has not worked, so maybe it’s time to see things from a new perspective.
The argument begins here…
She may start to feel that a few things have started to slip in the relationship and so this may be proof to her that he is starting to go off her. (To a man this is total rubbish, but men, if you want her to think like a man you’re in for a long lonely wait). Plus a woman wants attention all the time, so if she is not getting her needs met, her fears that she may not be enough for him may start to kick in.
So she may start a small argument to test him.
If he defends his actions in any way or shows any signs of irritation that looks designed to avoid giving her what she needs then he is fuelling the fire for big trouble. She may now start to erupt because she is now terrified that her worst fears could now be true.
Men, listen very carefully this is your lesson
If an argument starts, put 3 hours aside, do not argue, do not run, just stand strong and reassure her that you love her, you will look after her needs for ever plus you must agree that everything she says is right no matter what she throws at you true or not.
The reason you need to do this is because she is just testing your strength as a man to stand firm and be there for her through any storm, even one she creates.
To translate she is saying “Prove that you are man enough to look after my critical needs”, because if you don’t she will become the man in your relationship.
If a man at this point does not understand this and he takes all the verbal abuse personally then he will feel that he has failed in making her happy. If this happens he will either block her out and not communicate or argue and then run away.
If this happen he has now proved that she cannot depend on him to be there for her, her security has gone and she is scared to be with this man, basically he failed her test.
This is what he feels
To him he now has proof that he cannot make her happy. But he is confused because that storm came out of nowhere, and made no sense to him, so the only way he can get is mind around this is to label her as crazy.
He may lick his wounds and sheepishly return to her and when he does she will destroy him even further or not speak to him for days.
She starts to feel she needs to become more masculine, because there is no man in the house, and she hates that feeling because she wants to be a woman that’s looked after.
He then feels beaten by her and automatically becomes more feminine, he will also hate that in himself. As both parties reject themselves and each other, the weakened man will start to look for forgiveness in his quest to try to make her happy again, and at that point the woman will lose respect for him.
The lesson for the women
Give that man as many ways as you can to be successful at pleasing you. As he grows stronger as a man with you, he will help you to feel more like a woman which is what you need.
This pattern if not understood will just go round in circles until one or both of you gives up and leaves.
Can you start to see that there is a pattern in all these actions?
Now you can see why your arguments may have helped you to split up, lets get a deeper understanding.
For your relationship to have ended it’s very likely that both you and your partners needs were not being met.
- The pattern thats emerging is the pattern of FEAR that with this person you may not have what you really need to be happy.
If you are not together it’s because one or both of you were afraid of something.
What were you afraid of in your relationship?
Your fears would have made you behave differently, you may have been controlling, or jealous. Maybe you were afraid of losing your partner.
Our fears take many forms and your answers sit in these 3 steps.
- Think of yours right now, when these fears took over how did you behave differently. And what affect do you think that had on your partner?
- Now think over your partners fears and the affect their fears had on their behaviour and how you then reacted.
- When you work out what needs your ex partner was fearful of not getting from you, then you will have the answer they need to come back to you.
We all want to be understood and loved. The fear that we won’t be loved or that we will not be enough will drive any relationship into the ground.
And remember the arguments become the proof we‘re not compatible, if we’re not careful.
