“I had become a walking corpse…”

Anna had a very simple goal she just wanted to be loved. A traumatic history combined with an unexpected break-up 2.5 years ago had paralysed Anna and almost frozen her in time. After an initial telephone consultation I knew I had to act fast. She came to see me 3 weeks ago. She had one session with me and we have been in contact over email one / twice a week.

Anna writes: My update since I first saw Stephen 3 weeks ago:

I decided to contact Stephen after yet another lonely weekend, a weekend working rather then going out. Working had become my safety blanket, running away from my sadness and disappointment that had left me disabled and destroyed 2.5 years ago.

The man I had loved with all my heart and I thought would be my husband had left me 2.5 years before after 5 (what I though happy) years for a married woman and he dumped me via a phone call, citing not wanting to have children with me as the major reason. Yet the woman he left me for had two children, not to mention that she was still married.

This sudden and traumatic breakup had caused my world to come crashing down around and me and everything I had believed in. I had been a walking corpse for the past 2.5 years, existing, drowning myself in work 24/7 to escape the tears, blind rage, all consuming anger and disabling anxiety that were always on stand by and ready to flow/come out if I had a spare minute.

I had grown accustomed to crying as soon as I woke up, in my lunch hour and at night outs when I was supposed to be a social butterfly…and I felt I was fast becoming Ms Hyde, rather then being Dr Jekyll!

Deep inside I felt completely out of control and I had therefore found it necessary to shut myself off from anyone to save myself from their pity, my inability of moving on and save others from my blind rage and anger.

I still don’t know why I searched for a ‘dating coach’ – I wanted to date in order to show the world I had moved on, but quite frankly didn’t even know where to start. I had forced myself to date a couple of guys, all emotionally unavailable men who ‘dumped’ me only to go back to their exes. Needles to say, this didn’t help my already fragile mindset.

All I knew is that I had to see a man and not a woman to help me date men. So I found Stephen and sent him an email – what did I have to lose?

Stephen very quickly sent me an email back and called me on a Monday (a rare day off that was spent hiding in my flat, close to tears yet again).

If I remember correctly it took Stephen about 5 minutes max to have me crying down the phone to him! As he was talking to me I thought this is crazy, I am spending my time on the phone to a complete stranger, telling my truths and I am balling my eyes out.

I was extremely strapped for cash at the time, but knew I had to do something, so agreed to see him despite my financial difficulties (I was still recovering from the strain of the break up, and the also the financially loss).

Meeting Stephen was the strangest thing ever! (sorry Stephen!). I mean – who sees a stranger to talk about their inner most secrets and heartbreaks and pays them to listen and provide advice!

Anyhow, I knew instantly that I wasn’t the first ‘(heart)broken person that Stephen had seen and I didn’t really need to talk – Stephen told me!!

Most of the time I spent listening to him absorbing him, the rest was spent in disbelief of how much he knew about the nature of myself and my ex partner and why it would have never worked out anyway.

The rest of the session was spent with Stephen explaining to me the way out of my depression and sadness, but we both knew it would take a few more sessions to ignite my usual spark, fire, passion and trust in life and other people, not just men.

I decided that evening that I would put Stephen’s advice to good use and implemented it the next day. Firstly people thought I was either in love or had gone mad or was on drugs…They couldn’t quite believe my kindness and it wasn’t that I wasn’t kind before, but I guess it wasn’t sincere and genuine, rather a desperate try to be liked, as I felt completely unlovable. I had become so accustomed to act to get through the day.

Cast this two weeks forward and I had given up cigarettes, lived on a 75-80% raw diet in order to get my energy back, ran 30 mins at 6am in the morning regularly and the biggest thing – tried to become feminine again.

And I am not talking about dressing feminine, I always did that, but because I had to become strong for various different reason on top of the break up I never gave a man a chance to be masculine anymore. If a man offered me to do something for me I would say yes and then whilst he was doing it (lift heavy boxes, open doors for me etc I would do it for him whilst he was trying to do that!) Talk about emasculating a man…

I  have to admit this was/is the most difficult part for me – to let a man take over. The trust just isn’t there anymore/not yet.

One another note – a just received flowers from a complete stranger in the park the other day! Just because… I don’t know really, but I tell you what, it was magic – Stephen now has to teach me how to react to that!

Also, a gorgeous man (much younger then myself) at work is attracted to me and I have been on three dates with another man.

Although he now has sadly also decided to pull away as he is not over his ex girlfriend. I am honest, this left me very sad and disappointed again, as I really really liked him. I still seem to attract the wrong men, Stephen!!!!!! But as Stephen says: ‘ I am getting the attention, so it is a good start.’!

I am seeing Stephen again just after Easter – I have told him already that we have so many things to work on, i.e. re-installing my trust in people, going out ( I can’t speak to men at parties, functions etc.) confidence in myself and so many more things. I still don’t know if I can ever be in a relationship again, nor that I trust men.

I admire Stephen for his patience as he has plenty of it and I am giving him a hard time most of the time, but he has a way of coming back with calm questions that make me laugh, cry, swear at him and leaves me thinking: ‘ yes, he is right and I don’t like it!’ but I am smart enough to listen to him, although I don’t like to admit it!

After all, he has achieved where many Councillors have failed – he took the hold my ex got over me off in just one hour!!! I even forgot his birthday the other week and when I did realize it, I didn’t contact him!

Stephen, here is to many more sessions!

Thank you so much for your patience…

Obviously there is much going on in the background to Anna’s story, but what is important is the desire within her to change. It was so powerful that she manged to shift herself out of terrible depression in just one session, by following simple instructions. She has been relentless in her quest to follow what we discussed and the results are clear to see.

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.