“10 reasons why couples don’t make it”

There are now well over 800 pages in this website helping any reader to become curious about their relationship why they work and why they fail. People from all over the world are now attending meetings with me to gain solutions to seemingly impossible marital problems.

In today’s post, I’m going to be sharing some key thinking that helps couples to keep their relationship alive with some thoughts on the cost of not applying these to a marriage.

1. Never assume your partner is trying to hurt you

2. Never make your partner wrong

3. Never threaten the end of the relationship (unless you really mean it!)

4. Never pull your love away

5. Never make your relationship all about YOU!

6. Always make your partner feel No1 in your life

7. Always make your partners needs your needs too

8. Always look for ways to help your partner feel great about themselves

9. Always make unconditional love your priority (it will cost you if you don’t)

10. Always make time for your relationship every day

Let’s look at these thoughts in more detail…

1. Never assume your partner is trying to hurt you - My clients are helped to really understand why their partner is behaving in a particular way so they are empowered to understand and support them rather than judge and protect themselves from their partners actions.

Note: Relationships die when I have to stop loving you and start protecting me from you.

2. Never make your partner wrong. – If you make your partner wrong you are telling your partner you are qualified to be their judge. All this will create is resistance and resentment.

3. Never threaten the end of the relationship -  When someone threatens the end of the relationship it makes the possibility real in both peoples minds and they will naturally move to protect themselves and make new plans.

4. Never pull your love away - If you pull your love away it won’t have a positive effect on either person and it won’t protect you. People that pull their love away end up feeling unhappy and exhausted and disconnected from their true selves.

5. Never make your relationship about you - People that take from relationships and don’t give to their partner in a meaningful way unusually don’t end up with very much. So it’s critical to make your partner and your relationship the centre of your world.

6. Always make your partner feel No1 in your life – Across the board, if anything becomes a bigger priority over an intimate partner in their mind this will cause a significant issue. This can be from work to hobbies from the girl in the office to the mother in law. It’s critical to help your partner feel in their mind they are No1 to you.

7. Always make your partner needs your needs too. – One of the biggest causes of marital break down is needs not being met. This means understanding your partner needs and making them important to you is critical to learn for them to feel happy when they are with you. Needs not being met can create resentments and a gravity towards getting their needs met elsewhere.

8. Always look for ways to help your partner feel great about themselves. – Basic attachment in couples is simply based on how we feel about ourselves when we are with our partner. If we feel good we want to spend more time with them. If we feel bad about ourselves when we are with our partner we don’t. This means we must learn how our partner experience the world so we can be a support rather than an irritant.

9. Always make unconditional love your priority. – Most couples reserve this for children and see unconditional love as risky with someone that can hurt them. So they hold back their love and the relationship suffers as the couple mirror each other and watch the marriage die a little every day.

10. Always make time for your relationship every day – Your relationship needs feeding every day. So many couples are missing the really small things they can do every day that not only keep the love alive but keep the passion alive too.

When relationships are explored correctly what couples will find is they are really learning common sense thinking, but sadly common sense isn’t really that common which is why so many people get into trouble with thinking that simply makes a bad situation worse.

I see so many people that could have divorced so easily but with new thinking and a fresh approach, this understanding helped them to see that divorce wasn’t the right solution for them.

They pressed the reset button and rebuilt their relationship to bring the best out of each other for the first time.

 

 

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.