#699: All Roads Lead to Rome: Divorce Prevention

If you want to save your marriage, or simply keep it safe from problems then please take a few moments to absorb a fundamental life skill you are going to need.

People who decide that leaving the relationship is a good idea are doing so because they reach what they feel is a dead end. For many this dead end feeling can lead them to take actions they might regret so it’s important to help them if you can.

This is where they can land…

  • The future as a couple disappears for them.
  • They feel if they stay in the relationship they cannot not be themselves.
  • They are no longer sexually attracted to their partner.
  • They feel the love has gone.
  • They feel emotionally numb to their partner.
  • They feel they have to protect themselves from their partner.
  • The trust has died.
  • They feel the relationship would never change so they are not emotionally safe.
  • They feel their partner doesn’t understand them, or wants to.
  • They have a connection with someone new and that future looks more exciting.

So what causes these kind of reactions in a partner? Why do a people that once professed enough love and commitment to marry then decides in their droves to end the relationship they once loved?

Are couples really getting it wrong, or is there a hidden problem very few are seeing?

One obvious challenge is couples are unaware that without knowing they could be helping their partner towards these feelings only to find… out of the blue they are in the battle of their lives.

By seeing so many couples in crisis it’s not difficult to see the real problem.

The big challenge every couple is fighting is a foundational fear, a fear that’s powerful enough to help them disconnect from their partner and meet their needs elsewhere without them knowing.

All couples must at all costs help each other to avoid feeling this foundational fear that is plaguing all relationships.

This foundational fear is the a fundamental driver behind a powerful force all couples face.

I’ll explain…

When couples first meet, their need for security is usually low and their need for passion is high.

Fast forward a few years after letting them experience a few problems and the foundational fear will have started to bubbled up and will driving a core need.

Now the desire in one or both people has changed from needing passion to needing security. The need for passion has now been dwarfed by a need for security.

For relationships this shift is a game changer as it kills the free energies that make the relationship work.

Energies such as love, passion, fun, joy, humour, adventure all the energies that help couples to feel attracted to each other are in danger the moment one or both people are focused on self protection.

Every couple on some level is going to enter this battle at some point. The battle is between the foundational fear and the need to reconnect.

The problem is in the way that males and females try to connect with each other. They think very different so they totally miss each others cry for help/connection and instead create a greater need within themselves to protect themselves from their partner as they keep misunderstanding each other.

The more they try to connect the more they are starting to experience their disconnect this ignites the foundational fear even more.

If practiced for too long the need for security starts to become permanent. One person will now go on a journey to emotionally disconnect to numb the pain, others will simply become stressed, depressed or anxious.

This leads the couple further into a zone where attraction is almost impossible to maintain.

So they feel disconnected, misunderstood and uncared for. Add in loss of attraction and no future to look forward to and the outcome is not going to look great at all.

So if you wish to keep a relationship healthy, or you want to save a marriage from divorce then you must learn the powerful forces that plague relationships and most importantly yours.

You must learn how your partner connects to those negative forces and how you can help them avoid connecting to those foundational fears and then help them connect to pleasurable experiences.

If you become the creator of their pleasure they will then attach that pleasure to you, this is what you are after. But to be successful their are critical steps.

I do hope you have heard todays message as it’s so key to understand. The next step is to take action to learn how to do this.

Men and women don’t understand each other and are making life changing decisions based on confusion, misunderstandings and fear.

  • If you are in crisis please contact us to either enrol in the Marriage Breakthrough Program.
  • If you are not in crisis, but want to learn how to protect your relationship then contact us for a new six week Divorce Prevention Program I’m launching for couples in the new year.If you are interested in The Divorce Prevention Program please let us know as spaces will be limited.
About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.