You know the situation, your blood is boiling, you are both shouting at each other, both in full flow. You can’t understand how your partner could be so stupid or selfish! In the moment you hate with a passion.
What’s interesting in these arguments is there always seems to be two totally different perspectives on the same problem. There seems to be two truths… Really?!
How is that possible? Is someone dishonest? Are they both dishonest? Is someone playing control games? Is one party deliberately trying to hurt the other? Why can’t the couple, even agree on the basic facts?
The woman is usually thinking, why is he not understanding me? He is usually focused on the exact words and the exact events, the more he tries to prove his fact are right, the worse she feels and her anger escalates much to his frustration.
He knows he is right factually so clearly, she is has gone crazy. She can’t understand how he can be so insensitive, he is more interested in proving her wrong than helping her.
Clearly she gone mad and the men in the white van need to be called, and he’s and insensitive self centered @#**$%!
Does this happen to your relationship is this how you feel?
Would you really like these arguments to end, because it can when you know what to do!
Now what I will say to the men here is: If your partner has become distant, has stopped complaining, is quietly going about her life day-to-day, she’s not passionate, but it’s quiet so better than the screaming version of her…right!? WRONG!!!
This is time for you to worry! I know quiet for men equals all is well, but in female terms it means there is a massive, and I mean massive problem!
If she has stopped complaining and you know things are not right between you it means she has given up and see’s no point in communicating. She has lost trust and without trust there is no relationship.
For the women I want you to know this: No matter how many times you say what you want him to understand he will never get it, he may pay lip service to it to keep the peace, or he may shout you down, but he really will never understand.
Why is it this way?
The answer is simple, men and women communicate totally differently, unless you know how to translate emotional needs to each other in each others language you will never get through.
I have many couples that come to sessions get this and live wonderful lives together. I also work with a minority that say they want change and understand, but put no effort in, expect their partner to do all the changing and then wonder why the relationship fails again.
When your partner speaks, what is important is what their words mean to them: This is the whole point of communicating, if you put your spin on their words and then make them responsible for your interpretation, how in anyones world does that make sence.
What this means is you have to understand them and what their words really mean to them, only then will they feel heard.
Plus the words are only half the story… because she has stored up years of what he has done wrong and he seems to have developed a hearing problem.
- Do you want to know how to get out of these vicious circles if so get in touch today!