Worried About Your Relationship?

Do you have a relationship you want to keep? Are you stuck not sure what to do? Do you feel that no matter what you do it seems to keep failing?

If this is you then understanding the steps to getting the relationship back on track are critical.

If any relationship has suffered problems the challenge the couple now face is A LACK OF TRUST! Trust that the relationship will not be the way they need it to be, for them to be happy.

Rebuilding the trust is the first step in my sessions with couples.

To be successful your thoughts have to go to the points of conflict where the couple have failed with each other and ignited fears for the future.

  • The question is this… At the point of conflict what does my partner really need?

Usually in conflict situations and even the ones she has started, what the female needs is to be loved and understood, what the male needs is the ability to fix her problem. If he doesn’t know how to deal with the conflict he might become really angry, through frustration, or he might shut-down or escape in some way hoping the problem will just go away.

None of this works and just adds more fuel to the fire.

All of these behaviours are the reverse of what’s needed and bit-by-bit the relationship dies. She can feel that he has no desire to understand her, and he can feel she can never be pleased.

None of this is true of course, but without relationship training the couple react the only way they know how. Fight and protect themselves.

Understanding this process is one of the keys to my success with couples.

If the male can meet his needs in the process of meeting the females’ specific needs at the point of conflict then he can feel successful again in the relationship and she will feel loved and heard.

Both people following this process will start to feel connected again with themselves and each other.

Once the trust has been rebuilt, only then can the couple can work on meeting each others needs.

  • If you wish to know more about how to do this please make contact today click here

How Can I Trust Again?

My post today was inspired by a comment from Meredith on my post Trust Building in Relationships.

She talks about her struggle with trust issues when building a new life and entering new relationships after a spouse’s infidelity and divorce.

Trust in new relationships can become a real issue, especially if you’ve had a bad experience historically, such as infidelity.

In this situation fears can become triggered automatically and give you feelings of wanting to move you away from the possibility of more emotional danger, so building a new relationship can be full of problems driven by fears.

So you are now stuck, knowing you would love to be in a loving relationship, but too fearful to expose yourself again, because you fear what might happen that’s out of your control.

To cure this problem a different perspective and focus is needed.

When individuals come to me with this kind of problem, I help them focus on what they can control.

The question is can you TRUST you?

Can you trust you to find and create a relationship that will meet your core needs? Proof so far is you have got it very wrong without knowing, so you might repeat this again… this focus will drive more fears…

So the goal is to put you back in control…

You see unless you know how to create a strong, lasting passionate relationship that grows through their problems you will always be concerned and lacking in confidence that you might not be able to trust you to…

  1. Know who is right for you?
  2. How to plan and build a relationship?
  3. How to understand your own needs and communicate them?
  4. How to understand your partners’ needs?
  5. How to communicate to him in a way he/she understands?
  6. How to grow security and more love through conflict?
  7. How to keep the passion alive and let go of your fears?

Without confidence in your relationship building skills you could feel exposed to more bouts of trial and error that equal real danger.

  1. You see attraction is easy!
  2. Falling in love is easy!
  3. Having a great relationship whilst it’s going well is easy!

But, building a successful relationship through the ups and downs of life, and that stays passionate, now that’s a skill worth mastering….

So the question is not about trusting them, it’s about you trusting you to create the understanding that will help you avoid the pitfalls, that causes problems, that destroys relationships and leads to destructive actions such as infidelity.

That’s the new goal..!

Building Trust: Trust Issues in Relationships & Rebuilding A Broken Marriage

If you are having any kind of relationship problem this post is about how to build trust in a relationship so it can start to be the way you need it to be.

When the word “trust” is mentioned the usual association is directed towards infidelity. Whilst this is true, the word and how it affects our relationships actually has a much broader meaning.

You might not feel you can trust your partner with others, or you may not be able to trust your partner to create the relationship you wanted and expected.

So in any relationship conflict, I know on some level the couple have stopped trusting each other and this is the first step to rebuilding their relationship.

Why trust problems appear in relationships

When any couple are having problems, both are likely to be in fear states which will result in them both going to self-protection which is a very “ME” focused state and focused what they are not getting from their relationship.

Whenever a relationship enters this phase the love they give each other becomes conditional and so their needs are only met as part of a trade. “If you do this for me, I’ll do this for you!”

This trading process is slowly destructive because it builds up resentment and the couple stop wanting to meet each other needs.

This results in the individuals going outside the relationship to feel good again, places such as work, friends, family, children, hobbies and sometimes other sexual partners.

Building Trust: Learning how to trust again

If the relationship is to survive the couple needs to refocus their energy away from their own fears and towards what they want.

The focus on fears is proven to create their fears in reality and so is not safe if rebuilding trust and saving the relationship is the goal.

Important: For rebuilding trust

If love is what you want in your relationship your goal is to give love in the way your partner wants it.

Most people feel exposed and feel at risk if they do this, BUT in reality they are more at risk if they don’t, pulling love away to protect yourself when things go wrong is a smokescreen for safety, because pulling love away only results in your partner mirroring you in some way.

So fears fuel fears to destroy the trust in any relationship.

If you are have problems and need help rebuilding trust please get in touch.

  • I run a two hour trust building session for all couples.
    Please click Trust Building