Maintaining attraction from dating through to married life

Today’s post is highly relevant to married couples as well as for single people looking for love. It is important because creating attraction is critical no matter what relationship phase you are in.

The pitfall that most people fall into in the early stages of their relationship is they naturally give to their partner what they think they themselves would like.

The problem the couple now face is they are very likely to want to please each other, but they could be turning each other off without knowing. People who are dating end up losing partners that are potentially good for them and married couples end up fulfilling their emotional needs outside the relationship. [Read more...]

Dating advice that leads couples to pleasure not pain

Knowing how to date in a way that protects you is critical. I have seen so many married couples in trauma it’s easy to see why when you explore how they dated.

What was the foundation of their relationship and how has it affected their dynamics?

If you want to get the best out of your dating then learn from those who have got it wrong. Discover what they did wrong and do the opposite. Today I will cover one aspect of dating that is key if the goal is to find a long-term partner.

If you speak to couples in trauma what you would discover is what initially attracted them to their partners is no longer attractive and is one of the main causes of their break up. [Read more...]

How to make him want you back

If you want him to want you back, then you have to understand why you’re not together today. What is it that helped him feel that you were not right for each other?

The number one reason is going to be that he didn’t feel good about himself when he was with you.

The question is why did he leave you?

Most men leave relationships because they don’t feel they can be successful with their partners in the way they want. [Read more...]

Kissing Too Many Frogs?

Finding the right person to spend your life with is so critical. Getting it wrong can cause so much heartache both for men and women.

So what happens when you keep getting proof that your relationships are not working. What do you do? How do you solve this, who do you blame?

One of my clients in her early forties had this very experience in her words “…for decades”.

Fears play a huge part in the process of getting relationships wrong so this was my instant focus for her. I knew that the fears in her were going to attract men who liked that fearful version of her.

This was a recipe for disaster so I had to help her understand how to create the right version of her so she could attract men who liked her, just the way she was, the real her – minus the fears! [Read more...]

What are you looking for in a relationship partner?

Are you looking for a relationship? Are you fed up of meeting the wrong people? Do you have a knack of attracting those who are committed to making your life a misery?

  • Do you want to know how to change this?

If so, this could be the article you have been waiting for?

Who is the perfect partner for you?

The question most people are asking is who do I want in my life? Who would be a good fit for me and where do I find them?

Why do so many couples break up?

Couples all over the world are breaking up, tearing families apart, hurting those they promised to love and care for. The question is why and what can we do about it?

What is it that really makes the difference? What is it that couples are doing, or not doing to enable this massive tidal wave of destruction especially to those that have children.

What I have seen first hand that makes the difference is the following:

  • Understand why you are together and what is your purpose. Many couples have no idea and love is not a strong enough reason on it’s own.
  • Who are you really and what impact has your life had on you so far. The past will come back to bite you if you don’t deal with it.
  • How should your future life and relationship be for you? Don’t assume your partners’ is the same.
  • Understand your own critical needs and what is really important to you and why.
  • Making a plan so you share a vision for a future you can both work towards.
  • Never judge your partner, because your not qualified
  • Never making them wrong, because it could be your assumption that they are.
  • Understand how you will both deal with conflicts when they strike, because they will.

The thing is if you don’t know who you really are, then how can you communicate that to your partner. If you don’t communicate how you see your future then how will your partner know if it fits with their vision. If you don’t know what you really need to be happy then how can your partner know?

Many people tell me they have no idea what they want their future to be like. If this is the case how can they commit their undefined lives to someone else. It is a blind commitment with costly consequences if it goes wrong which a crossed figher strategy is likely to create.

One of the biggest problems I come across is the lack of team work in relationships, they agree to do all the perceived big things such as get married, buy a house have kids. But they do this with no real planning in fact for many that is the plan.

So is it little wonder why so many people become depressed after these big events, the working together comes to a grinding halt! The relationship now has no direction and it’s not long before the couple feel it. Boredom, stale, passionless, groundhog day relationships are created as the relationship stops meeting their needs, and more and more external forces starts to take the place of the relationship.

Many think that relationships are natural things out of their control and so they go with the flow of how they feel, not understanding that they have to actually do something.

The bottom line is for you to live the life you want you have to be YOU. From dating to long-term relationships.

There are more problems: Many people don’t know that their life conditions and experiences can create very different version of their true selves, selves that they designed to cope with past highly charged emotional events.

If this version of themselves worked for them at the time, they could use this as a coping strategy for other times in their lives that present similar pressures. This becomes them and can destroy their lives as they live in fear, but to them that is normal.

So those looking for a relationship who fear something in relationships will present that fearful version to those they are trying to attract and consequently will attract those who like the fearful version of them. So the relationship has started on a distortion, or individuals can become fearful when in a relationship and create the very thing they fear through distorted behaviours.

All of the above is applicable from those in search of someone to share their lives with to couples in long-term relationships.

Understand how you and relationships work is critical to lasting love, don’t leave your relationship to chance the cost is too high.

Body Language: Who is attracted to you?

Would you like to know who is attracted to you as you go about your daily life? I’m now going to share some body language tips to look out for that will reveal the thoughts in the minds of those around you.

Sometimes it’s very difficult to know if someone is attracted to you or not. If you’re dating then understanding this would be a great asset. If you are in a relationship it’s good to know the reaction you are having on others so you can act appropriately, and avoid difficult situations.

I’m going to cover this topic over the next few days because there is a lot to cover, so lets start with the messages we can read from people’s eye patterns.

Eye patterns that equal potential attraction

These eye patterns are not conscious and so the person is unaware of what they are doing. Their eyes are purely reflecting the feelings they are having in response to you.

In a platonic relationship or a business relationship their eye pattern will be to scan your face in a triangular fashion that goes from one eye to another to the nose and back to the eyes. This will indicate a non-sexual conversation.

They will randomly repeat this pattern through the conversation with you.

As soon as their attention goes past the nose and to the lips and back to the eyes then you have a potential attraction going on, remember they will be unaware of what they are doing.

If the eye pattern goes from eye-to-eye and lower than lips, then it very clear that an attraction is likely. At this point men and women will go from being unaware of what they are doing to suddenly being very aware as their feelings become intense.

Attraction confirmation is when the glances become more sexual, the lips are the start so watch what happens next.

A man maybe suddenly be shocked to find he is looking at a woman’s breasts. Or a woman may suddenly be horrified that she is looking at a mans crotch.

You may now start to become aware of what people are doing, but don’t worry this is all very normal and harmless and remember 9 times out of 10 their behaviours are reflex, so take it as a compliment as the nature in them is attracted to the nature and beauty in you.

So have fun looking into the minds of others and tomorrow we will look at what else the eyes do when some one is really attracted to you.

We will also build a picture of many patterns this week from arms, to hands, to feet, to how we stand and what it all means.