Depression: Is Your Relationship The Cause?

You and your partner are designed by nature to act and work together in a certain way hence the term chemistry usually associated with the automatic feelings a couple experiences when they first meet.

When you first met this is likely to be the reactions you had to each other. You both felt great, and it took little effort, those amazing feelings were automatic. When you were with your partner you felt great about you.

These automatic feelings are proof of natures’ power of attraction in action. It created chemical reactions in you both to feel an intense attraction to each other.

When you feel this way, the drive towards intimacy is very powerful. [Read more...]

Are You Stuck In Your Old Story?

A young lady came to me this week stuck in her past, she had become depressed because she couldn’t get over how she had been treated by her ex. He had left her for another woman and with no money. Her ex was still with the same woman 2.5 years later and was living a wonderful life and now planning a family.

Meanwhile she was stuck depressed and full of resentment for how he treated her, she wanted to forget him, but felt that she couldn’t.

She was so traumatised by what had happened she had stayed stuck for 2.5 years. Fed up of life always feeling so bad she called me. [Read more...]

Why & How Do We Get Stuck in Destructive Life Patterns?

The answer is because we are not aware we have created them, and those that are affected end up with an illusion of truth that only creates misery or poor quality lives, lives that have no purpose or fulfillment… This is important to know because it could be happening to you, or someone you love…

Have you ever felt stuck in your life? No matter what you do, did you end up feeling bad, or you feel that something is wrong, but you don’t know how to change it, is this happening to you?

Have you ever thought that the reason you are stuck is because you get some thing good from being in this stuck place. Maybe you have a partner friend or family member who is also stuck.

  • Please note that everyone that is stuck gets something good from being stuck, that’s why they are still there. [Read more...]

Which version of “YOU” is running your relationship?

Have you noticed that you have to change your behaviours as life conditions change. For example you are different at work than you are with friends and family, or you are different with children than you are with you partner.

All day and every day you are shifting into different versions of yourself without thinking. We all do this and with little thought to what it really means. The meanings are important for your future…

You have been doing this since childhood and so whatever life condition you were presented with as a child, this sets a template for how you will deal with certain life situations as they present themselves..

For Example: A child that has been “abused” in some way might have a desire to “escape”. Whenever life becomes difficult for them in the future they will run that pattern.

How they run the pattern is to shift into a fearful version of themselves, just like we all do all day every day with other versions of ourselves without thinking. In this fear version of themselves they will run the “escape” pattern and so they could run away, or become introverted or shut down.

To them this is totally normal, but to others and especially in relationships when the relationship presents them with problems, they are likely to run their learnt pattern.

The problem is this learnt pattern was created by a child to cope with their perception of the world and how life should be. As adults without knowing we run these patterns automatically, but due to the immaturity of the creator of the pattern these patterns never work as adults.

It’s like having a child running your life when life conditions get tough. Of course the result of the pattern is nearly always destructive. It can wreck lives, families and be passed as a pattern through generations.

Fear pattern can manifest themselves in many ways, you may become angry and become loud to cope. You may turn to people pleasing that disrespects you, some turn to substances.

Whatever coping mechanism you use, when you or your partner go into fear, you can be sure it was learnt, it and it will feel as natural as breathing.

Is your partner destroying your relationship, they used to be wonderful, but today something has changed? Are you noticing that you have change and behave in ways that confuse you.

Maybe you are having affairs and don’t understand why.

These all create behaviours that can create depression and breakdowns as we start to reject ourselves not knowing that it is only one part of ourselves that has created the problem yet we reject every part even the wonderful parts of us leading us into despair.

Many couples divorce because of these patterns as both people go into fear states when they feel that something is wrong, or they can’t see a future together. This perspective is an illusion based on the parrten and is why those that do split or divorce then live to regret it. It is why so many second marriages end in divorce fast as the pattern is now on read alert from the first failed marriage.

  • Most of the time the relationship is not the problem the pattern is the culprit.

I run self discovery sessions for individuals and couples to understand what is really going on and how to cope with it. For more information please click here.

Depression: Relationship Problems

Depression is affecting my relationship: Which came first the chicken or the egg. Relationships problems can cause depression, or relationship problems can be a result of depression.

Having a depression in a relationship can put significant strain on any couple.

So getting help to deal with it is critical: There are many forms of help, but my favorite is to work with the individual and help them understand what they are doing to make depression a possibility.

Plus I help them understand if they are caught in a cycle where they are choosing depression without knowing. This can happen because they are getting something they believe they are missing from their lives, E.G. Attention: Depression can in some cases help them to get significance in the form of sympathy, caring and love which they don’t get when they are well.

How do people do depression?

Sounds like a strange question I know, but the reality is many people suffering from depression are creating behaviours that if those that were not depressed did every day, they would become depressed too.

For example: If anyone practiced all three of these activities they too would become depressed.

  • If you focused on all the problems in your life.
  • If you spoke to yourself in a non caring way. I.E. “I am a awful mother” or “I’m a rubbish husband”.
  • If you spoke slowly, head down, shoulder hunched, arms folded.

If anyone did that for week-after-week they would become depressed too.

Of course depression and the causes can be very complicated, because there are many reason why life might not be the way it should be for the individual suffering. Plus we are chemical beings and so our chemical make up also comes into play.

The bottom line is the more you can do to help yourself through understanding how you work and how the meanings you are giving to your life is creating how you feel. The better armed you are to put depression in reverse.

If you would like more information on how I can help please contact me NOW!.