How to fix a broken marriage no matter what’s happened?

After developing a marriage breakthrough program for couples in crisis and applying it to the man on the street, major celebrities, to business leaders and entrepreneurs and successfully bringing these couples back from the brink of divorce time-after-time.

Here are a few of the key principals I have learnt on this amazing journey with couples right on the edge of divorce.

1. The most important focus for any couple.

I have learnt that this decision is critical not just in maintaining a successful marriage, but an essential part of the relationship building process.

Put your partner first..! If your partner feels [Read more...]

Who else wants a better relationship?

I’m sure that many of you are aware of this. How a relationship starts is not the greatest indicator of what it will turn into 3, 5, 10, 30 years down the line.

There are many little know factors that affect the quality of a relationship and the direction it will ultimately take.

So when couples come to me for help the one thing I communicate fairly consistently is, I expect all couples will have problems they don’t know how to solve. So when this has happened in their relationship what they do next will have consequences, some good, some not so good? Many act in ways that unwittingly ignite a time bomb that eventually leads one person to plan an escape in the future.

Whenever I happen to see couples on their wedding day I have this urge to run after them and help them, of course I never do, can you imagine the reception I might get. [Read more...]

“Why are you not helping your sister?”

I had to share this personal Hedger family story with you, the story in this post today is responsible for significant breakdown in marriages across the world, and it could be easily avoided.

In the moment this situation made me smile, however the bigger picture has far more serious consequences if the lesson is not learnt.

I can’t stress enough how important this is…

So picture this, Cloe and I are sitting down for dinner with the children, it’s a typical evening at the Hedger house. On this occasion I tell the children that Cloe and I have something important to discuss privately and their help with clearing up after dinner would be much appreciated.

Over the years Cloe and I have encouraged the children to [Read more...]

Are you trying to change your husband?

In this case I don’t mean for a different one, what I mean is do you find yourself trying to control him (to be your version of better man) because he doesn’t do what you think he should do?

If you do try to help him to be your version of better man. If this is your goal have you noticed that he is naturally turning into the man you wanted, or are you finding the he is becoming more detached and uncaring?

Has not trusting him to get the promotion, drive the way you do, look after the kids the way you do, has any of those types of behaviours turned him into the man you can look up to?

OR…

Has he become just one of the children for you just another person to look after? Do you find he no longer attractive to you and do you wish he would just man up? [Read more...]

Can one person save a marriage from divorce?

When a person makes changes in themselves they affect how the other person responds. If the changes help their partner to feel secure, loved and wanted in the way they need, then a change in the marriage is totally possible.

The challenge is most people don’t understand their partners well enough to support them in the way they need, so their partner can become angry at their attempts and so they give up assuming there is no hope and this is not true.

All people really want is to feel they are loved for who they are and to know there is a real desire from their partners to meet their needs. In other words they need to feel like the most important person in their partners life.

So if one person takes charge and takes steps to learn about their partner, their partner will in reaction have to respond to these new changes.

The question I ask my clients is “who do you have to become to attract the relationship you desire?”  [Read more...]

Don’t do what they do!

I was once told to look at what the unsuccessful people were doing and make sure I was not doing that, especially if success was what I wanted.

So here is what you must never do because this leads to relationship breakdown.

  • Never judge your partner
  • Never make your partner wrong [Read more...]

Hope

My wife Cloe directed and produced this video “Hope” She has a passion for the work I do which she wanted to help me express to you.

What was interesting about making this video was the way that Cloe and I brought our strengths together to share our passion, to help couples learn there is hope, problems are not permanent as they think.

From my heart I want to share my gratitude to Cloe in helping me share this message of HOPE with you.

To your success

Stephen Hedger

 

 

I don’t like who I am when I’m with you

This is a very common complaint for people who are in relationships that are not working. What these people experience is a shift in their identity. Just to magnify their problems in this new identity life will also not feel it the way it should be.

So if life feels it’s not the way it should be and they have lost a sense of themselves life is going to feel very wrong and they are going to want to move away from it.

What’s important is if you are in a relationship and this is happening to you please be aware that you could be drawn into making a life changing decision that’s being influenced by your fears. [Read more...]

Quick relationship tips

One of the causes of relationship and marriage problems is when a person is focused on themselves for more and more of the relationship.

There are some times you have to focus on you of course, but life is about balance. I for example am very focused on my personal growth, to do this I do have to focus on me, but I’m mindful that this does not take over and my focus goes to giving what my wife Cloe needs.

So below are some examples, but whenever you are focused on you especially when you are together or communicating you are going to have a problem. [Read more...]

What’s my role in my life and am I living my true identity?

I tell this story in my sessions to help couples question themselves and what they are thinking and doing in connection with their partners and their children. This is about our identity, how we see ourselves and how this leads us in our most important roles in life.

One day in Harley Street I was waiting for a lift to take me to the third floor. A man carrying a very heavy bag walked towards me.

He struggled with his bag and put it down, slightly out of breath he stood next to me. [Read more...]

Marriage Help For Couples With Marriage Problems

If you’re having marriage problems and you’re struggling to solve it, your going to need marriage help before the problem gets too serious. Most couples in trouble have usually experienced problems that keep coming back and this is because of one key problem…

You are both doing something that’s potentially destructive without knowing.

So if you’re both not aware of how you’re contributing to the marriage negatively then this means the foundations of the marriage are compromised. [Read more...]

What she wanted…

What she wanted is for him to learn about her, to care about her and help her to feel that she was number one in his life. She wanted to feel that if he touched her it was because he wanted to get to know her and not that he just want to get something for himself.

She wanted with all her heart for him to help her feel safe and that just being her was enough for him.

She wanted him to look into her eyes and help her to know he would be there forever no matter what happens. [Read more...]

How To Understand The Opposite Sex

No matter what we do in life, what career we have how much money we earn, unless we have fulfillment in our personal relationships, life can feel very wrong.

It’s knowing that true fulfillment sits in our ability to have a successful personal relationship is what makes such a difference to my clients happiness.

Many people think that money will give them all they need, or adulation from their professional audiences is their key to happiness. [Read more...]

Understanding Men: What do men want?

Many women who come for sessions with me have a real challenge with the concept I’m about to share with you.

When I ask the men in the session if it’s true they all confirm 100% it’s true, but even though she hears it straight from him, she still struggles to believe it. If she doesn’t understand this she will be challenged in the process of how to solve any problems they might have. [Read more...]

Where do our emotions come from and can we control them?

The short answer to this question is we create our emotions and yes we can control them if you want to. I know many of the skeptics will now want proof, so I will do my best to explain in this post.

Whatever you feel, you are the creator of that feeling. No one (thankfully) has the power to get inside our heads and give us our feelings, although some may want to try. If you think people can make you feel certain things then this is for you.

Whatever is happening around us, or to us, does not create our feelings. We have to use our brain to translate what is happening in our world into something that makes sense to us. [Read more...]

If you’re willing to change your thinking you can change your life

If you are not getting results in your life that you want then it’s a great idea to ask why?

The easy route is to put blame on external factors, my partner is not right for me, I don’t have enough money, I’m too fat, too thin, too old.

The challenge with this approach is it changes nothing, it keeps the person stuck and increasingly resentful that life is not what it should be.

This can lead the person to settle that this is just how life is, this makes them vulnerable and so they have to rebalance their world which could lead them to become hard and bitter over time. [Read more...]

What makes us happy?

For 72 years, researchers at Harvard have been examining this question, following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age.

The answer won’t surprise you.

Source

Are You An Attractive Partner To Be With?

Being attractive to your partner is critical, but being attractive is less about what you look like and more about how you behave and treat your partner. I have created over 40 relationship musts for couples that want a passionate relationship that lasts. Below is a sample 15 of those musts .

    1. Relationships are created they don’t just happen.
    2. Relationship that focus on contribution (giving) creates the deepest bond as time passes.
    3. Never make your relationship about you… [Read more...]

Understanding what men want

Yes men have needs too and if she can learn to understand what he needs he will feel great about himself and attach that great feeling to her. So below is an outline of what he wants/needs. Of course every man is different and so try out some of the suggestions below and see what reaction you get.

He wants to know he can please her. This is a primary driver in most men and is a significant source of pain if he feels can’t. If she’s not happy he will be in pain.

He wants her to give him feedback. If you don’t tell a man when he’s done well he will assume his actions haven’t worked and he will never do it again. [Read more...]

What is most important to your partner?

Am I imporrtant to you?

I just don't feel that you care about me?

Is it you?

If anyone in a relationship / marriage feels that someone or something is more important to their partner than they are – there will be trouble.

What’s important to understand it’s doesn’t have to be the attractive female in the office who is just “a friend” or the man down the gym “giving her advice” that can cause problems for relationships. [Read more...]