Should couples expect relationship problems?

I have put this post together because a few people have asked me why couples that started their lives together in love can find themselves in serious trouble without there being an obvious problem like an affair? 

I want you to see the chain reaction that leads relationships to go wrong. Of course every situation is different, but there are some core challenges which underpins the process to go from a loving relationship to divorce.

The process I have illustrated is simplified so this post didn’t turn into a book, however please note each part has many complexities and consequences. [Read more...]

Who else wants a better relationship?

I’m sure that many of you are aware of this. How a relationship starts is not the greatest indicator of what it will turn into 3, 5, 10, 30 years down the line.

There are many little know factors that affect the quality of a relationship and the direction it will ultimately take.

So when couples come to me for help the one thing I communicate fairly consistently is, I expect all couples will have problems they don’t know how to solve. So when this has happened in their relationship what they do next will have consequences, some good, some not so good? Many act in ways that unwittingly ignite a time bomb that eventually leads one person to plan an escape in the future.

Whenever I happen to see couples on their wedding day I have this urge to run after them and help them, of course I never do, can you imagine the reception I might get. [Read more...]

She nearly lost a perfectly good marriage

The reason for sharing this post today is because many individuals leave their marriage and regret it later when it’s far too late to get it back. The impact on themselves and their family is destructive.

They think what they feel at the point they decide to leave the marriage is what they will still feel later and this is their illusion.

When a person really takes the time to understand why their thinking is leading them to want to leave the relationship, they are very likely to discover far more than they were consciously aware of.

This couple were married for over 15 years and everyone thought they were a great couple. He knew the relationship wasn’t great, but was not aware of how bad it had become for her. She loved him as a friend, but she longed for that youthful spark again, the fun, the passion, the hope of new adventures and surprises. She was a good mum, but she wanted to feel like a woman again.

She didn’t want an affair, but she knew she wanted more from her life of love. [Read more...]

If a relationship feels wrong is the relationship really the problem?

Many people are ending relationships thinking they know why only to discover months or years later that the reason they felt so bad was totally unrelated to their partner or the relationship. Some discover the discomfort gets worse when they leave for good and some discover the same problems are repeating themselves in their new relationships. 

So why does a person want to leave? If a person is in emotional pain they are focused on one mission, to escape their pain and to feel better. If they have attach their pain to the relationship then they get feelings that tell them to leave.

The question is are they right, is the relationship really the root cause of their pain?

Many people are trying to change how they feel through their environment, the chemicals they put in their body, the way they look, the stuff they buy or they try to change people in their lives. What they discover is none of it really works.

What they are missing is the most profound change only happens when they work on changing themselves. [Read more...]

They felt their marriage was dead but they were keen to learn the truth

Last year I was working with a couple who were struggling to connect with each other and it looked on the surface that the relationship was actually dead.

In fact it was dead the way they were running it. They came to me wanting to see if it could be fixed, she was not that hopeful, she felt he was too selfish and she had made a mistake marrying him.

I had to help them discover the truth and help them understand their beliefs about each other and the relationship.

So I explored what the start of the relationship was like.

When they met she loved the potential in him she could see the growth potential and the security that would provide, but she also loved his sense of freedom and passion in his interests. He seemed like the full package so getting married was easy. [Read more...]

Why is my marriage failing?

The answer to this question is so important to understand no matter what the outcome. If you want to keep your marriage then naturally you have to understand why it’s failing to fix it.

But did you know that if a marriage fails and why it’s failed is not fully understood then that person should expect problems to follow them.

Look at this awful situation of not knowing why his marriage failed and what it did to this man and his family.

Two years ago I spoke to a gentleman who had divorced his wife and left his family. At the time he felt this was the best decision for him because they had spent so much time in conflict and he felt [Read more...]

One thought that could change your life

One of the reasons I set up this free information about relationship problems was I because many people struggled to know where to put their energy when problems strike their relationships.

I do get messages from my readers saying that my words have helped to save their marriages and for me that is worth every second I spend thinking about what could add value to someone in trouble.

So here is todays thought.

I know that many relationships fail for all the wrong reasons. The people that make life changing decisions are doing so without really understanding what is going on within them. [Read more...]

The decision to leave a marriage can happen in a moment

Individuals in relationships / marriages are silently making decisions across the country that are totally changing the direction of the couples lives forever. These decisions are very powerful and can leave their partners in total shock feeling helpless to change their minds.  

These decisions, are made in the moment and can profoundly change the persons behaviours. So warm, caring and loving people can become cold and distant. It can feel like you’re living with a total stranger.

Even though the decision to end the relationship takes a moment people take months some take years to get to this point, for them it’s months of suffering. Many will have communicated their unhappiness, but feel it has landed on deaf ears. [Read more...]

I don’t like who I am when I’m with you

This is a very common complaint for people who are in relationships that are not working. What these people experience is a shift in their identity. Just to magnify their problems in this new identity life will also not feel it the way it should be.

So if life feels it’s not the way it should be and they have lost a sense of themselves life is going to feel very wrong and they are going to want to move away from it.

What’s important is if you are in a relationship and this is happening to you please be aware that you could be drawn into making a life changing decision that’s being influenced by your fears. [Read more...]

Many couples in crisis believe there is little hope for their relationship, but feel stuck because splitting up feels wrong too!

Without doubt this is one of the most horrible places to be in a relationship. You have memories of a past that worked, BUT you can’t get back to it. Life in this place can feel totally hopeless and you can end up feeling detached and emotionally numb which just add to the fear.

You feel you know what you should do, but something is holding you back.

You may have talked to your friends even your family. You may be feeling more confused as they all care about you, yet they are giving you conflicting advice. [Read more...]

How to stop your marriage from dying

Today I’m going share an insight that may help many of you avoid a pitfall I see on a regular basis and get many letters about.

This is widespread and is killing relationships / marriages and destroying families.

In essence some of the information you have grown up with, is like poison for your relationship and is devastating for your children and their relationships, because they are learning from you.

I am going to share with you step-by-step what’s been killing relationships across the country and why.

Please follow this example [Read more...]