She told him she was unhappy with him…

I first spoke to this lady over the phone in 2014 she told me her husband thought she was being ridiculous we don’t have a problem you are just being overdramatic. She was unhappy as she was suffering and her husband didn’t seem to care.

I told her to come in to see me sadly she didn’t want to come without her husband and he refused to attend – a mistake he would live to regret.

For years this lady had suffered from her husband who was so engrossed in his work she felt lost and alone.

To be clear he wasn’t abusive, he didn’t have an affair on the surface they had a perfect life and he was an amazing provider.

For him being successful at work was his mission. He had built his company from nothing to give them the most amazing life. [Read more...]

He wanted to know what to do to fix it…

My mission is very simple, empower individuals to become valuable to themselves their partner and their relationship so they can be effective leaders for their children and each other.

To achieve this I offer 3 very simple steps to achieve 2 very powerful goals.

  1. I commit to my clients to provide a very clear theory as to why the process they are going through with me works as long as they follow it.
  2. Give them easy to learn steps that deal with complex challenges.
  3. I help the couple apply this knowledge practically to their marriage.

The two goals couples need to achieve is first to breakthrough their presenting challenges. The next goal is to make sure they have all the tools they need to successfully navigate their lives together. [Read more...]

“We need a second opinion fast! – We’ve been told we should divorce?”

“You need to divorce!” This was the message a couple was given by a lady that had been helping them through their marital crisis.

A couple came to me with this story not sure what to do.

It’s an important story to share because ending a marriage is life changing. With so many people making mistakes they end up regretting it’s so important for couples to get to grips with why they are really in trouble.

It’s also important that you get the right help for your specific challenge. I remember another couple sharing with me a story where they got into deeper crisis by trying to fix what they thought was a sexual problem with a sex therapist.

Logical thought as they were not having sex… BUT! – The real problem they had was rooted in a deep emotional disconnection and this was causing their sexual disconnection.

So they briefed someone to help them fix a symptom rather than a cause. This nearly broke that marriage.

So back to the first couple – this is what this couple shared with me… [Read more...]

Stuck in a marriage with negative behavioural patterns

Three couples finished their marriage breakthrough program with me this week. Their individual challenges were a dramatic loss of trust, loss of love and an affair. Each one was on the edge of divorce with both people suffering not sure which way to turn. Each couple reported to me their relationship is now significantly better than it’s ever been.

Thankfully these couples and their children now have a future that makes sense. For them it’s a huge relief they are out of their own personal hell and now living confident relationships.

To help these couples out of hell one of their challenges was due to very negative spirals they didn’t know how to deal with. Each couple had different patterns and for very different reasons.

Their patterns had to be interrupted and reconfigured so they could successfully reconnect. [Read more...]

Top 7 relationship mistakes that lead couples to severe marital stress and many to divorce

I spend year after year with couples from all over the world who travel to see me to gain life-changing solutions to some of the most challenging marital issues.

Living day-to-day with all these couples in varying degrees of crisis helps me to see that so many couples are creating very common problems in their own relationship without even realising.

So today I’m going to share with you what I’m seeing so you can look at what is happening in your own relationship.

Each one of these points below is critical to thoroughly understand: [Read more...]

Loss of love – Passionless Marriage – Affairs

During this time of year, my thoughts go to the reality of so many couples and families who are suffering due to the breakdown of their marriage. If you are in this horrible situation then please learn all you can so you are in a position to make the right choices for your relationship.

Naturally, there are couples that really shouldn’t be together…

…but there are so many that were at the end – lost and stuck not sure which way to turn and with the right direction they have rebuilt their connection and become a team where they now have each others backs.

These successful couples started to learn something new that helped them see the reality of their situation.

Learning is the key to successfully rebuilding a relationship. [Read more...]

“A path to a better relationship in 2018″

There is no question that creating a lifelong relationship is a significant challenge. So many couples are having problems because they are missing so much information when they first start their relationship which they are going to need for it to survive.

Sadly they don’t know this when they get together. Few people are looking for this critical information because the start of the relationship is giving them most if not all of what they need to feel happy.

So naturally, who wants to fix a problem we don’t have? Totally makes sense – right!

Unfortunately, many of us have been sold on the “happy ever after” not aware that we need a to approach our relationship in a very different way to ensure both people remain connected and excited for life. [Read more...]

“The meanings we create about our relationship becomes the bridge to either lasting love or divorce”

Lifelong researchers of the life cycle of marriages and intimate relationships know that certain common characteristics sit in all the couples that end up in divorce – contempt, lack of kindness, loss of compassion all sit at the core.

My burning question was what is it that takes couples that have freely chosen to live a life together to then move towards such destructive behaviours?

The answer to this question is critical if couples wish to protect their marriage from future problems and it’s a fundamental must if a couple in crisis are going to rebuild their marriage from their crisis.

What sits at the core of a couples challenges is fear. Fear I’m not enough, fear I’m not loved are very common and powerful themes, however, we all have our own unique fear machine and unique triggers that lead us to pain. [Read more...]

“Should I be in this marriage?” She asked

So I was chatting with a lady who was recommended to me and she wanted to find out if I could help her and her husband?

They were at breaking point and she was about to action lawyers, but she was unsure if she had really tried everything and had heard from a friend about me. She said she liked the idea that I don’t sit couples in their problems and focus on their past.

I asked her to help me understand from her perspective what she had experienced in the relationship.

As she was talking I could hear straight away that her husband was not protecting her emotionally and she was having to look after herself in her marriage.

I could hear she didn’t feel emotionally safe with him and she had lost all sense of who she was and was struggling to make a decision about her marriage that made sense to her. It was especially painful as she had young children and knew the wrong decision would affect them for life. [Read more...]

“I have done everything I can to save this relationship..!”

So a couple comes into see me and the message she provides me is “I have done everything I can to save this relationship, it will never change, he will never change what’s the point!?”

Both men and women can give me this blocked and self-limiting message that makes any kind of future feel impossible, however with the right support they can learn there is a way to break-through what they thought was impossible…

…I know because I see it every day.

This week is a perfect example, 12 weeks ago a lady believed that her marriage was over, but this week she no longer wants to leave her husband and can now see a future again?

What she did that was different to most people is she was brave enough to learn and breakthrough her old feelings and beliefs and learn a new truth for her. A truth that was much safer for her to live in. [Read more...]

Resentments high and passion low?

When married life is NOT turning out to be the way they hoped, it’s natural for people to stack resentments towards their partner. This has the ability to have a powerfully destructive effect on the marriage of most couples without them knowing.

In today post I’m going to talk about a powerfully hidden force that couples don’t discover until it’s too late.

When a person stacks resentment towards their partner they start to create negative attachments with their partner and their relationship.

The resentments will move them towards creating an automatic filter that converts most things in the relationship into a negative experience.

Their husband or wife can start to feel that nothing they do works or is ever good enough. [Read more...]

The Sex-Starved Relationship

So who is to say how much sex is the right amount of sex for couples in committed long-term relationships? There are many theories, but whatever the frequency and level of engagement it’s important they are on the same page and happy. 

Research is telling us that a significant amount couples are disappointment with their sex lives. Some focused on quantity some on quality and some just grateful for whatever is on offer with an ongoing hint of resentment.

Some want a richer and more passionate sexual connection but are afraid to bring up their true needs and desires through fear of not being loved or accepted.

Some are just not interested and see sex as just sex so not very important, totally unaware of the suffering their partner is feeling each time they are rejected. So for some, they will give up asking and start detaching. [Read more...]

“Is it possible for dead relationships to be reignited?”

One gentleman reluctantly came to see me with his wife because he was considering getting out of his marriage. He said he had lost feelings for his wife. 

She loved him but on exploring their marriage I could see that she had been cycling between detaching and trying to keep the marriage alive because they have had problems for years.

The last year was particularly bad they both agreed.

I said to him that leaving a marriage and his children were going to be life-changing for everyone so was a massive step that could affect them all for years.

I asked him if he knew how his feelings had been created? Specifically, the feelings that are making him want to leave his wife.

He looked confused.

“I just feel what I feel,” he said

“I understand that, but do you know how your feelings have been created?” [Read more...]

The worst mistake you can make in a relationship

As I listen week after week, year after year to couple after couple share with me their unique stories. Stories of pain and suffering through affairs, loss of love, loss of passion, emotional disconnection they all have made this very simple but devastatingly powerful mistake. This mistake is costing them massively, it affects so many people and the ripples of disconnected families can go on for years.

Every couple I meet is totally unaware of what is really happening in their relationship and why they are where they are.

Both people will have theories and some will feel they are the ones that are right. But simply the fact that couples are going round in circles unable to solve their challenges suggests that they are both still making this fundamental mistake.

As a result, far too many couples are leaving perfectly good relationships and are likely to repeat this problem in future relationships.

So what is it?

What is causing couples so much pain and suffering? [Read more...]

“We are at breaking point – I just can’t continue like this…”

When someone comes to me with this message what they are after is CERTAINTY – they want me to help them out of this private hell and into a better life.

They want the pain to stop. It’s likely they have been in emotional pain and suffering for a while, some can feel themselves emotionally detaching from their partner.

In their hearts, they know that life shouldn’t be this way, but they are paralysed not sure what to do for the best. Whichever way they turn there is either more pain and suffering or total uncertainty.

They may have tried to talk about it, but they are likely to become more frustrated as they go round in circles, but not really knowing why.

Both people are likely to be exhausted with it all so they end up seeking ways to meet their needs outside of the relationship.

So what do they do? Can they be helped? [Read more...]

She’s lost sexual interest in him – Why?

If you are a woman wondering why you have lost attraction and sexual interest in your husband, or you are a man confused/upset because your wife no longer seems interested in sex this post is for you.

Many naturally feminine women are becoming stuck in a masculine identity in their relationship as their husbands are struggling to know what to do to keep their wives emotionally safe.

Most husbands know how to keep her physically safe, but emotional security is a totally confusing concept for so many men.

For many women in a long-term relationship the bridge to a sexual connection is preceded by a need for an emotional connection this is what she needs to align with him so attraction is created within her for him. [Read more...]

“DO NOT bury your head in the sand with this one…”

Many couples come to see me with a message that they have been signed up to my blog for years and now their marriage has hit a real crisis point and they are hoping I can fit them into my schedule FAST!

So what I’m seeing is people are very aware they are having difficulties years before, but they choose to put themselves through years of unnecessary stress waiting for there to be no other choice than seek help or get a divorce.

Sadly their belief initially is they thought/hoped their problems would magically get better on their own.

PLEASE NOTE: Relationship problems rarely fix themselves.

Waiting for problems to just go away is a very dangerous strategy as the best time to deal with a relationship problem is NOW! Not in one or two years time. [Read more...]

“My husband has no empathy” – Has she got this right?

Many women come into my sessions with this message “My husband has no empathy”. What she has experienced is there seems to be from her perspective little emotion from him and little understanding of what she is saying or going through. 

For her, he has little desire to share his feelings with her or to make any changes that help her connect with him. This will naturally affect her trust in him and her desire to trust he will be there for her.

Historically she is likely to have tried to get through to him. This leaves her with the impression she has to emotionally look after herself and she can start to struggle to see the point of him… [Read more...]

Number one problem that all couples face – BUT they don’t know!

In today’s post I want to share with you something that is really important if your relationship is struggling or on the edge of divorce.

So week after week I sit with couples in all manner of crisis. Affairs, loss of love, power struggles, communication problems to name a few.

These situations are always complex in terms of how they have been generated, this means the couples are creating their very own unique path to crisis.

What’s simple to see is the trends all couples are doing.

One of my observations is people in or on the road to crisis stop being who they really are when they are with their partner. [Read more...]

Change the patterns of behaviour that are hurting your relationship

We all have behaviour patterns that help us lead efficient lives. We don’t want to think about which shoe we always put on first. BUT… What we do need to look at is the habitual patterns we have that are damaging our lives and our relationships.

Many people are totally unaware of how their actions are leading themselves to an unhappy place. With some basic knowledge of what’s really going on they can develop new and powerful skills that can grow both themselves and their relationships.

One of the challenges all couples face is both people in the relationship have created patterns of behaviour without knowing.

This has two effects, either their patterns have lead them to a loving, connected passionate life together, or their patterns have lead them to feel disconnected from each other.

What’s great about any pattern is it can be quickly changed once you know why it’s there. So the person with a pattern that is damaging their relationship is not hardwired to repeat their pattern, even though they do it without thought and will defend it. [Read more...]