Vulnerability is it a Strength or a Weakness?

Today I’m going to talk about vulnerability. For many this word equals weakness, but if understood could it really free a persons life and become their biggest source of strength?

Many people will do all they can to avoid being vulnerable and the way they achieve this is by creating a self-inflicted numbness within themselves.

So if a person is feeling vulnerable in a relationship they will find a way to numb themselves so they can avoid the emotional pain of feeling vulnerable.

We see vulnerability avoidance in a relationship when two people love each other and they are both fearful of saying it first. We see vulnerability avoidance when a person wants sex, but is fearful of being rejected. We seen vulnerability avoidance in those not wanting a new relationship after a painful break-up. It’s all around us being practised every day. [Read more...]

5 Actions That Can Lead Couples To Serious Problems

If you have been a subscriber for a while you will know that I see a lot of couples at crisis point with serious problems all wanting help to discover if it’s possible to create a dynamic that could work long-term. 

Every couple comes to the session with a unique problem, usually a combination of destructive factors some obvious and some which the couple are totally blind to.

Usually one person wants to win the relationship back and the others feelings ranges from totally detached to wanting the marriage to work, but not convinced anyone could help them. [Read more...]

As a young man I had never questioned this idea before…

One of the most fundamental and foundational philosophies that will lead us to our future good or bad, is the power our thoughts can have over the quality of our lives and the direction it ultimately takes.

What I discovered changed my life forever and I wanted to share this with you today. A persons thinking actually has the power to create the life they end up living.

This was the kind of information that kept me awake at night until I had fully understood what it meant and how it really worked. You see I was just as skeptical as the next person, but I never believed I knew everything so I was keen to seek out what I didn’t know.

In fact today I enter every situation with the philosophy of, “…what don’t I know?” [Read more...]

He was losing his marriage and felt powerless to fix it…

I was on the phone to this gentleman last week, he had been going to see a marriage counsellor for a few months about a severe marriage problem and he was concerned that they were not making the progress he expected and was going to lose his marriage. 

He had come across my service online saw it was very different and wanted to have an initial call with me to understand how my offer worked in more detail.

Before I answered his question I wanted to see if I could help him understand why they were in trouble.

So I asked him what problem they were facing. What he told me I had heard many times before. [Read more...]

I want to tell you a story…

This story is about a couple that had been married for many years, their marriage had it ups and downs. Both people were very successful, both were committed to their marriage, but had years of disconnection followed by reconnection and it cycled through these stages. They assumed this was normal and it was normal if the end of their relationship was the goal? 

Of course like many couples they didn’t want to split up it was never a thought yet they were living an illusion that what they had was going to last forever.

Both were attractive people and had the opportunity of affairs over the years yet both stayed true, year after year.

Their depth of love was deep, but they had lost their passion for each other. They had focused their passion in to their work, children, interests. [Read more...]

“You are not alone…”

In todays post we will be exploring why so many people struggle in certain areas of their lives and what they have to start to focus on to make successful changes. If you are struggling please know you are not alone.

To become successful we have to understand certain critical factors, one of which I will talk about today.

For humans to understand the world we live in we have to create internal maps. The maps we create help us navigate our world. The more we explore the world the more comprehensive the maps will become.

For example: You will have a map of how to get from your bed to the kitchen to make a drink in the morning. A heart surgeon will have a map of how to successfully replace a persons heart with a new one. Like the surgeon if you have studied you will have mastered a map in your profession. [Read more...]

Who are the couples most likely to fix their marriage?

Couples that are most likely to fix their relationship are the ones that will do whatever it takes to fix it. They are the people who want to get to the truth even if the truth is tough.

The people who fix their relationships are not looking for the quick fix. They are prepared to do what’s hard now, so the rest of their life is easy. This is in stark contrast to those couples who’s philosophy is to repeat what feels easy whilst they battle with their problems for life.

Couples that get results are curious to learn. They are open to see the world from a new perspective, their mission is not to be right at all costs. Their mission is simply to get to the truth. [Read more...]

Every couple is totally unique and so the solution to their problems has to be unique too…

I have been getting letters from my readers wanting more information because the service I offer seems so different.

The answer is the difference is significant I will share two of the many differences today and how my clients are being supported by these differences.

If you have been a reader for a while you will know that education is a key factor because many couples simply don’t have the knowledge of how to be married and how be an effective partner. The second key difference is the couple will work through key steps, milestones designed to lead them to their desired outcome. [Read more...]

How to become a couple for life

In todays post I’m going to give you a skill that’s critical if you want your relationship to work. These days becoming a couple for life is becoming more of a challenge.

Couples are giving up far too early, if they explored the truth in their relationship a significant percentage would learn their relationship could actually be not just saved, but converted into an amazing place of security, love, passion and fun.

Difficult to imagine if you are having a tough time, but it’s possible because I see this change happen right before my eyes as the couple learn how to reconnect.

Couples at the start of their relationships are both doing exactly what works for that couple to have a “success dynamic”. They feel good about themselves when they are with their partner and this is the reason why they are together and can see a wonderful future. [Read more...]

Why suffer when you don’t need to…

Without someone special to share your life with it’s a challenge for many people to feel truly fulfilled. No matter how much wealth, or success a person has, nothing comes close to creating the same feeling of being connected to a person who is equally passionate about your relationship.

Many people who start their relationship with the best of intentions can find themselves in very difficult circumstances, lost, alone, disconnected, misunderstood, with no obvious way to get their relationships back on track.

So couples in this awful place have three choices. [Read more...]

7 Steps to building a secure passionate and everlasting love

Relationship don’t just happen they are created so below are 7 very important steps to consider when choosing to live together. Giving years of the only life you have to another person is a very important consideration, so making sure you’re planning for success would be a really good idea.

1. Plan your journey.

If you don’t know where your going together or what you are trying to achieve both as a couple or as individuals then how can fulfillment happen? Most couples stop planning their future at children. Children and life now becomes the focus and the relationship gets lost.

What’s worse is if the individuals have no plan for themselves and no joint direction. [Read more...]

Don’t wish your marriage was easier – Wish you were better!

The truth is you can’t get rid of a couples problems because couples will always have problems. Life has this habit of throwing problems at us when we are least expecting it.

So the goal is not to try to get rid of problems, the goal is to become better at dealing with your problems as a team.

Many couples that visit my sessions are taught these vital skills so that no matter what hits them they are better skilled at understanding how to support each other.

The 3 key skills that need to be learnt are the ones that consistently create all three:-

  1. The best outcome for you,
  2. The best outcome for your partner and…
  3. Is good for the relationship.

And yes to achieve this you do need something very special…

[Read more...]

Panic!

You have tried everything you can think of to fix your marriage and nothing works, you may have tried counselling and that’s not helped and now you’re looking at really big problems. Stay in a marriage that doesn’t work, or go for a divorce that’s scary one minute and attractive the next.

When you’re running out of choices of what to do and the options are looking like big life changing decisions that will affect so many it’s so easy to panic and make the wrong decision.

Now it might be that divorce is right for you, so finding out what direction will lead you to real safely is important, so… [Read more...]

No energy for passion eh?

A couple were in my session they said they had really busy lives and not much energy for passion. Both said by 9.00pm they were tired from work, cooking and kids. So I asked them if a man from the nationally lottery turned up at 9.00pm with £20,000,000 would they still have no energy. Of course not they both answered.

So it’s not true you have no energy, you just have no energy when left alone with each other, your love is clearly there, they nodded, but you are not using the energy that’s clearly inside you both for each other? This got them thinking…

You see life is about the energy you bring to your life, successful lives is about the energy that brings the outcomes you desire. A successful relationship is about creating the energy that both people can share and enjoy.

So what energy is going to lead couples to success? [Read more...]

Do you want her to really feel your love?

To all men, if you really want her to connect with you it’s so important to understand this little know fact. For a woman the connection through her eyes creates a powerful emotional energy that allows her to connect deeply with him. 

When he can look into her eyes and be there for her through all her emotions, only then can he really connect with her in the way she wants. His eye contact can trigger within her a true vulnerability that can allow her to be fully open to him emotionally and sexually.

You see through his eye contact she can see the truth in him for her, she can feel safe, secure and loved, but there is another side to this as you will discover… [Read more...]

I could feel anger bubbling within me

When I was growing up I never knew that I needed skills to make my relationships work. It never crossed my mind, I thought that relationships just happened. Two people met fell in love and that was life sorted.

So when problems started to happen for me the message was… “you have to work at it”. Well that message sounded hard to do because I had no idea what that really meant and aren’t relationships supposed to be fun? Good Lord, what was I thinking! Clearly not much back then, but I knew I was getting it wrong…

So when I started my search to discover what would really work I had no idea I was in for such a steep learning curve.

There was so much to learn and as I discovered more I could feel anger bubbling within me, why was I not taught this growing up? After all isn’t falling in love and keeping a relationship alive one of the biggest life skills we all need?

I didn’t know that the way women think was totally different to me. [Read more...]

I Think My Marriage Is Over?

Is your marriage over, have you had enough? Maybe you partner has expressed a need to leave. No matter what side of this fence you are on it’s a very stressful place to be.

Many people with marriage troubles tell me they think they married the wrong person.

Some couples love each other, but simply struggle to get along together suffering as their problems keep coming back.

Some people feel rejected, unloved and alone. Some are full of resentment so much so they now feel detached from their partner questioning their love. [Read more...]

Part two: How to save a marriage from divorce

Welcome to step two in my how to save a marriage from divorce series.

Step two: Save Your Marriage From Divorce

The second step is to help the individuals grasp how by changing focus from loving their partner to protecting themselves from their partner they actually changed the direction of their marriage without knowing.

You see if our focus is consistent in any direction, or belief, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, we will create feelings that help us feel our focus is true.

So if you focus on pulling love away for long enough you will lose feelings of love. If you feel your partner is not romantic then you will stop being romantic and so you won’t feel it. If you think you partner doesn’t care you will stop caring about them. [Read more...]

Part one: How to save a marriage from divorce

If you are interested to understand how to help a couple from a destructive relationship and into one that works for both people then this is for you.

Step one: Save Your Marriage From Divorce

The first step is helping both people in the marriage take steps to reclaim their true identity.   Couples with problems lose confidence in themselves and each other because they are not living true to who they really are.

As problems escalate, this loss of identity is debilitating and will create confusion and fear in themselves and in their partner. [Read more...]

I was in for a shock…

So two young men have the same back ground. They have gone to the same schools, they have the same opportunities. They are both married today. Both have children.

They both work at the same place today, the only exception is one person is a line manager and the other is the President of the company.

The question is what have these two people done differently? [Read more...]