Secrets of a successful marriage

If you are looking for the secret of a successful marriage then the starting point is to understand that building a successful marriage takes skill, understanding and is definitely not for the lazy.

A successful relationship is one that is lasting and passionate. Lasting sexless relationships are not the goal of couples choosing to marry, but unfortunately this is the way they end up.

So what needs to be in place for you both to survive the years of the ups and downs that life throw at you. [Read more...]

Does Marriage Therapy Work?

There are many talking therapies such as Marriage Therapy, Psychology, Marriage Counselling, Relationship Coaching, but the question I am always asked is do they work.

The answer is yes and no.

Plus there is a lot of press from major sources about how marriage counselling causes more harm than good.

  • I practice Relationship Coaching, simply because it gets results.
  • I have been doing this for many years and I am going to share with you my experiences.

What makes the difference is a few key factors in no particular order.

100% Commitment to the process is critical.

Many individuals go into the process half heartedly, and this slows progress or they remove themselves sabotaging themselves and their future.

In my practice usually a couple has made solid progress within 8-12 weeks. Many people who come to me after trying marriage counselling for 12-18+ months with little to no success.

Openness to learn about how we work

Many people are stuck in their beliefs about the world and how they and relationships should work. They have yet to realise that the meanings they give their world are purely perceptions based on their life experiences so far.

Understand their fears

People in relationship crisis fear many things and understanding these fears is critical.

Leverage is the key

Helping people understand the true place they will go if they carry on causing problems.

Understanding their distorted selves

Many people with problems have created distorted versions of themselves to cope with their lives. This act of rebalancing helps to create unhappy very tired versions of themselves leading to relationship stress, depression and anxiety.

Understanding polarity shifts

When a man has been brought up by his mother, or the mother has been dominant in the mother, father relationship, his model of how relationships should be can cause major problems in his future relationships. Especially if his partner has not had that same experience growing up.

Women can also shift into masculine roles to cope with fearful situations this can happen at any time of life also causing them problems as life will not feel how it should.

The sexes communicate totally differently

This is critical to understand. When we speak to the opposite sex in the context of our relationships what are they hearing? You may or not be surprised to know that whatever your intention it will not be understood.
So learning to understand the meanings behind your partner words is critical.

Does the relationship have a purpose?

Why are the couple together, where are they going and why. Many couple have no idea and so it’s not long before they feel lost and fearful.

Understanding each others critical needs

Human needs have to be met and more importantly those needs have to be supported by what’s most important to the individuals in the relationship. Failure to do this will result in the indivuals meeting their needs but still feeling unhappy. They may feel lost, alone or moving toward depression and relationship break-ups.

The more you understand each other the better your chances of keeping your relationship growing and passionate.