Are you trying to change your husband?

In this case I don’t mean for a different one, what I mean is do you find yourself trying to control him (to be your version of better man) because he doesn’t do what you think he should do?

If you do try to help him to be your version of better man. If this is your goal have you noticed that he is naturally turning into the man you wanted, or are you finding the he is becoming more detached and uncaring?

Has not trusting him to get the promotion, drive the way you do, look after the kids the way you do, has any of those types of behaviours turned him into the man you can look up to?

OR…

Has he become just one of the children for you just another person to look after? Do you find he no longer attractive to you and do you wish he would just man up? [Read more...]

Couples dynamic: Does yours work?

How couples behave in their relationship will have a significant affect on how they feel about each other and themselves, so it’s important to get this right.

Couples can find that over time their dynamic can change and this has critical consequences for the couple leaving them with a hidden challenge and several presenting problems as a result.

These presenting problems could be arguments, depression, constant tiredness, loss of energy, loss of passion, desire to get out of the relationship. This means the couple will struggle and suffer as they try to cope with each other.

An example:

Lets imagine a couple are focused on love, passion and adventure, it’s an amazing start to the relationship. So good in fact they decide to get married and have children. [Read more...]

I feel detached from my partner, what is happening to me?

Detachment is the process of self protection. The person may feel that over months or years they have not been happy in their relationship. They may feel that their partner does not care about them, is not interested in them, or simply doesn’t love them.

The persons feelings towards their partner will have changed and the relationship can feel wrong to continue. Reconnection for this person can feel impossible and the desire to fix the relationship problems are usually very low.

The person in this situation will have a vision that the past will be a reflection of the future, so it’s painful for them to even consider, all this is normal. [Read more...]

Rebuild trust in marriage: Can A marriage Survive without it?

I’m just going to jump into this post fast today. Without trust the marriage is dead so it’s critical to rebuild trust in a marriage fast. Trust is a foundation of any relationship.

The reason trust is so important is because without trust the couple will lose their security with each other. If the security has gone the couple will struggle to connect emotionally.

Loss of emotional connection creates intimacy challenges. [Read more...]

7 Reasons You Know You’re In The Wrong Relationship

Being in the wrong relationship is an upsetting time, but how do you know? What do you need to look out for? Love is not always enough to keep a couple together if the following situations arise.

1. If your partners intent is to try to hurt you physically or emotionally

2. If your vision or goals for the future are totally different

3. If you believe their fears for losing you is helping them try to control what you think and do

4. Your partner is only interested in taking from you no matter how much you give

5. If you dislike who you become in their company [Read more...]

How important is forgiveness in a relationship?

In my last post I focused your attention to one of the keys to building a healthy successful marriage.

That focus was on the ability to repair the relationship when things go wrong. It is normal for all relationships to have problems, what’s key here is what happens next?

Does the couple resolve the problem and grow closer through understanding, or is a hidden resentment the outcome?

Resentments are powerfully destructive in relationships and so communicating, understanding and forgiving each other is critical for relationship harmony. [Read more...]

The Wall Of Protection

Be aware that if you build a wall of protection around you in your relationship three things will happen:

  • You will numb yourself from feeling pain.
  • You will block any positive advances from your partner.
  • You will block and shut down your ability to feel towards your partner.

The wall serves the purpose of creating the CERTAINTY the person needs, BUT it will disconnect the person from their partner.

This disconnection helps the person to feel that their relationship is dead, this is not always true. The feelings can be dormant rather than dead.

So couples can end their relationship though a lack of understanding.

One of the questions you can ask is this: Is my partner trying to hurt me?

You will probably discover that even though your partner does hurt you that is not their intent. What hurts can be their sheer frustration at not being able to get through.

Knowing your partner is NOT trying to hurt you is one of the green lights to exploring the potential in the relationship.

We Build Walls Of Protection Around Us When Marital Problems Strike But Does It Work?

Building a protective wall around us when emotional challenges strike in a marriage is a fairly normal process. The goal is usually to create security for that individual because life is not the way it should be.

He doesn’t care, she’s always negative, he never listens, she is aggressive and cold…

The question is, does this emotional wall work to create the security the person is after?

In the short-term the person can feel relief because when they shut down they can numb the pain they are experiencing.

The challenge the wall creates is it builds a 2 way block, the person will block out the pain, but they will also block out what they really need to be happy. This creates real problems for any marriage because it heads them to loss of respect and the end of the marriage.

For example:

[I have used a female in this example, but males will do their version of this too.]

If a female has tried and tried to get through to her husband and failed, she will stack her resentments towards him and eventually feel that she has no choice, but to create her own strength because he is not there for her in the way she needs.

It’s like she puts on a suit of armor so he can no longer hurt her. [Read more...]

Do you have to understand your partners emotions before you will respect them?

Reassuring her everything will be okay

Couples who judge each other, or belittle their partners’ emotions will usually find resentment in their relationship and this can be very damaging.

One of the golden keys to a successful marriage is to take away judgment of your partners’ behavior(s).

If he or she feels something, that something is very real to them and even if it makes no sense to you, showing you care about them is critical. [Read more...]