“I had become a walking corpse…”

Anna had a very simple goal she just wanted to be loved. A traumatic history combined with an unexpected break-up 2.5 years ago had paralysed Anna and almost frozen her in time. After an initial telephone consultation I knew I had to act fast. She came to see me 3 weeks ago. She had one session with me and we have been in contact over email one / twice a week.

Anna writes: My update since I first saw Stephen 3 weeks ago:

I decided to contact Stephen after yet another lonely weekend, a weekend working rather then going out. Working had become my safety blanket, running away from my sadness and disappointment that had left me disabled and destroyed 2.5 years ago.

The man I had loved with all my heart and I thought would be my husband had left me 2.5 years before after 5 (what I though happy) years for a married woman and he dumped me via a phone call, citing not wanting to have children with me as the major reason. Yet the woman he left me for had two children, not to mention that she was still married.

This sudden and traumatic breakup had caused my world to come crashing down around and me and everything I had believed in. I had been a walking corpse for the past 2.5 years, existing, drowning myself in work 24/7 to escape the tears, blind rage, all consuming anger and disabling anxiety that were always on stand by and ready to flow/come out if I had a spare minute. [Read more...]

How To Regain & Build Trust In A Relationship

One of the biggest challenges any couple is crisis faces is how to regain trust in a relationship. The couple have spent so many years practicing how to not trust their partner they can use just their partners presence as a direct anchor to pain which can set them both up to fail without knowing.

This is not something they do on purpose to be difficult it’s an automatic response where just the sight of their partner can generate a fear response deep inside them.

Trust becomes impossible

If both people in the couple are doing this the consequences can be devastating for the relationship, because they can both go in to places of fear which creates a shut down in their ability to positively grow the relationship.

In this place the woman can become aggressive, masculine and seemingly unreasonable to the man. The man can either run physically or mentally or he may bully his partner so he can win the argument.

So in real terms whilst the couple have a strong desire to fix any problems they may have, the powerful combination of visual, auditory and emotional anchors to their partner causing them pain, can trigger a total inability to be reasonable, to listen, or to see the world from their partner perspective and all they can see is trouble no matter what their partner says.

Empathy and heartfelt understanding is critical for any couple wanting a resolution to their problems and specifically to build and regain trust again, but from a place of fear it’s impossible.

The longer these anchors to pain go on the more powerful they become and the more impossible the couple find getting to any kind of resolution.

How to regain trust in a relationship

The goal is to help the couple collapse these triggers so they can no longer see their partner as a the route of their pain. When they do this they both can then go to a place which is less fearful and out of control and from here trust can be rebuilt.

When the individuals discovers how to take control of their own emotions and behaviours they become stronger and in a far better place to enable a positive contribution to each others growth and success.

If this is where you are please get in touch today.