Relationship Advice For Men

One of the ways to become an amazing partner for her is to understand your partner from her perspective. Too many men only see their world from their own perspective and when he does this she knows he doesn’t understand her.

  • This for her is a significant source of pain and the basis of real problems in relationships today.

When pain strikes many women initially fight and battle with their partner. He sees this battle with her as negative because the fight is proof of something bad for him. [Read more...]

Signs of an Amazing Man!

For all couples that come to me for help there seems to be a confusion surrounding the roles of men and women in relationships.

Of course it’s not for me to tell couples what to do and how to live their lives, but there are some core behaviours that when in place make a significant difference.

One of the most successful behaviours is helping the man to feel like he is the security in the relationship. Women want this and so do the men. But their is confusion as to what secuity actually means and this causes problems. For example: Many men see their role is to create money and this is the fix for creating security.  The money makes him feel like a man.

Whilst on some level this is true, the money is a security it’s actually a weak substitute for what she really wants.

Some men feel that because he told her he loved her last year, she should know he does. He says, “you know I love you don’t you!?”

You see his version of security and hers is totally different. This is why problems are so common.

One of the things she wants is this: At the point she is in emotional pain and fearful of the future she can turn to him for love and certainty in the way she wants.

Most men struggle with this because of the way she presents her pain, this could be shouting, moaning, pulling love away.

In reaction to this men get upset. In other words become emotional. At the moment he does this she sees his fear and she has to get strong to look her and some women end up looking after him.

This creates fear for her because now she is the strength in the relationship and this disconnects her and so their intimacy dies.

When I ask men to love her through the pain she is in [I teach men how to do this – there is a specific way it needs to be done] his normal reaction is to ask, so what her role? What is she going to do for me?

He has now shown me that he wants to create a trade. Trading in relationships is guaranteed to kill intimacy the last thing he wants.

The sign of an amazing man in a relationship is one that does not feel the need to judge his partners reactions, what he focuses on is the pain she is in and he loves her through her pain thus becoming her security.

What this does is ignites the energy back into the relationship. She feels safe to become herself again and her desire to give to her man becomes massive and automatic.

BUT to give, especially intimately she has to feel safe. When a man becomes this security for her, he becomes that amazing man she saw in him when they first met.

The man she always hoped he would be!

What Men With Relationship Problems Want…

Many men with relationship problems communicate to me what they want from their partners. The answers they give me are very telling and explain why they are struggling.

Their list usually looks something like this:-

  • I need her to be calm, especially when things go wrong
  • I need her to enjoy being quiet
  • I need her to do what she says she’s going to do
  • I need her to be consistent
  • I want a sence of fairness
  • I want to be equal to her
  • I want her to be logical
  • I need her to want more sex, even if we are having problems as it will bring us closer.

I could go on…

The problem with this list is this: This list brilliantly describes a man.

Men that want these combination of traits, are asking their partner to act like a man.

Because society doesn’t teach us there are significant differences between men and women we can expect our partners to behave like us. Men and women are designed to be different for specific reasons.

What happens as a child grows up, he or she is presented with a model of how relationships work by their parents. This is where problems can come from as the models they receive are usually distorted, but with no other benchmark for a relationship the one they experience is to that child, normal.

The child will use that model in their adult relationships.

In couples relationship coaching sessions the couple learns about the huge difference between men and women and how to use those differences to inject passion and lasting love back into their relationships.

If the couple don’t understand the differences and why they are there, then they will fight for their version of normal behaviour!

Relationship Advice: Reverse Polarity

Reverse polarity is a when a couple finds themselves in a relationship where the woman is the strong, driving force, more masculine than feminine. The man is usually more feminine in his approach in the relationship maybe wanting a quiet life and just going with the flow even if he does not want to.

What seems strange is at work however he could be strong and respected he could even be a leader on some level. The woman could also connect with her feminine side with friends and children. So day-to-day life does actually bring out their true polarity yet in their relationship they switch back.

Lots of relationships work this way and no one is qualified to judge them, couples that live this way and are happy have no need or desire to change for them it works.

The problem arises when one, or both people in the relationship are not happy, but don’t know why. Reverse Polarity could be the cause, because the what the individuals in the couple really want is to be more of the gender they are designed to be, consciously this will not stand out as the problem and so the problems will present themselves in different ways.

The woman may complain at the man about day-to-day stuff, the man will shut down or remove himself in some way this create a bigger gap between the couple as she becomes stronger to cope and he becomes more beaten knowing he can never please her.

For example: A woman can resent her partner for not being the man in the relationship. She wants desperately to connect with that vulnerable, soft version of herself. But the thought of doing so scares her, because she has a fear that she will not be safe if she does. She needs that masculine strength and power to cope with life. At some point in her life she learnt this.

She could have come from a divorced family or she may have created the masculine versions in past relationships to cope with being mistreated or her current relationship could have created this tough version of her.

He has also learnt his behaviours either from a dominant mother or maybe a string of relationships where he felt he could never please his partners and so he gave up. He will have a burning desire to please his partner, but will find he never can and so he gives up.

Couples that first meet in this place have a huge connection and a passionate chemistry because the reverse polarity creates a unique attraction for them. BUT, it is usually not long before one of them goes to a place of fear, because something does not feel right and they either split-up quickly, or distort themselves to cope with their relationships.

They create a relationship that is one big compromise, never really connecting with who they are, but too scared leave the relationship. In a strange way this for them becomes home and it’s likely eventually to be devoid of all passion.

Like brother and sister, but also not… She might say to friends… “ I have him well trained” and he will have lost his spark seemingly going through the motions, maybe using disrespectful humor to cope with his dominant partner.

It becomes a strange mix of a lack of respect with no desire to be apart for those who hit the “wall” and decide to stay and accept that this is good enough, better the devil you know.

Do you wish your man could be the man in your relationship and keep you safe, and love you no matter what. Or are you a man that has lost his masculine energy and you feel that whatever you do you cannot please her.

If this is you I can help…

What Do Women Really Want?

Confused men sit shaking their heads with a question they never seem to get the answer to “What do women really want?”.

For example: He can do the same thing two days running and get totally different reactions from her? A mans logic will never understand this, so lets look inside her mind to understand what’s happening.

Socks on the floor again -  Clearly he doesn’t care about me!

Women are brilliant at turning things or situations into meanings. Women are constantly looking for the meanings behind what their men are doing, or not doing, and there is a lot of things he might not be doing.

She wants to keep checking that everything is OK, that she’s safe, and secure as she paints an picture of a future he’d better not spoil.

Men rarely feel unsafe, but women can feel unsafe many times a day.  When she feels unsafe she has to get tough and strong, but don’t be fooled, this is her mask, inside every woman is the real her screaming to get out.

But unless she meets a man who can help her feel safe, she will stay tough to survive.

Where she really wants to be

In a woman’s heart is the core of who she is, all that’s great about her sits in here. This is where she feels safe and where she can trust her decisions. When she connects with her heart, her true self, she becomes who she wants to be, free, relaxed, peaceful, secure and totally happy free from fear.

If her man can help her unlock the pathway to her heart and help her connect with that part of herself everyday then he will become the man she has dreamed of.

BUT…

The challenge is this, women live most of their lives in their head. It’s very busy and very noisy. Lots to do and worry about. There may even be a few voices shouting abuse in there “… you’re not good enough” or  “…you’re too fat for those jeans”. Combine this with chemical reactions each month that men have no clue about and yes …men have a challenge!

Also you have to combat the other women who she connects with. They feed her with more worry because a group of women will connect through their problems and fears and this raises her awareness of her problems as she connects with others who are also lost.

She will love the connection with her friends as now she’s not alone and feels important to them, but her problems are now bigger because 4 different opinions have confused her.

Her only stop left is her man relaxing after a hard day unaware of the potential storm heading his way.

What will happen and how can he help her connect with her true self?

Find out tomorrow…

The Relationship Rules

If you want a lasting passionate relationship, then discover the relationship rules. These are critical for you if you want your relationship to last.

It does not matter if you are dating or in a long-term relationship below are Four Rules that if you don’t follow you can expect pain.

Rule One

Make your partner the most important person in your life. If your partner does not feel significant to you then they will create a fear for their future with you without knowing. This will drive them get these feeling from other people or things such as hobbies or work.

Rule Two

Make your love for them unconditional. No matter what happens I will always love you. When you remove your fears only then will you achieve the unconditional love you desire most. You will find that couples who live with fears, usually have passionless lives as they fear letting go, passionless relationships are dangerous if the couple want to stay together.

Rule Three

Never be your partners judge. Firstly you are not qualified and secondly this means to your partner that you are wanting to control them, or prove that you are better or more important than them. This will result in your partner attaching bad feeling to you, too many of these and they will leave you.

Rule Four

Never assume that your partners intentions are designed to hurt you. If you make assumptions to the intentions of your partner then expect their trust in you go. They will learn that you are too ready look for ways to not trust them. This will result in them feeling bad attaching those feeling to you and what you fear most you will create.


When you bring negativity into a relationship of any kind then expect your partner to attach bad feelings to you. If they feel bad about themselves around you for long enough they will leave you.

Men Are Killing Their Own Sex Lives Without Knowing!

I am calling on all men to stand-up and be a man fast!

If you don’t, you can kiss goodbye to your sex life today!

Why am I saying this? Because men all over the world are confused, and this confusion is destroying their relationships. Whilst the men are trying to workout what’s going on in their relationships the women feel they have no choice, but to take control.

Here’s the thing, your wife or girlfriend wants you to be the man in your relationship. She won’t tell you this directly, but if you do not prove to her you are strong enough to look after her emotional needs then she will have no choice, but to become the man in your relationship, and she will not be happy about that.

She wants you to be the man

Why? Because she wants to be the beautiful desirable woman not the man. She will struggle with being both, but survival always comes first for her, especially if she has children. So if she feels the man is weak, she will worry and so passion will always be the last thing on her mind.

In today’s society you can see women having to get tough everywhere and in all so-called social classes. Single mums for example have to get tough to survive and if they live too long in this masculine roll they get stuck there, afraid to let go.

Then what happens is her masculine persona is in need of balance, and so without knowing she automatically attracts a weaker man. What she really needs is a man stronger than her so she can revert back to being the woman she really wants to be.

But she will not do that unless she is 1000% sure she can trust him to be that man for her, and she may avoid stronger men fearful of losing the control that kept her safe.

Women who are in top jobs experience the same problem, because they have to survive in a masculine world and so they have to act like men that look like women. Tough women love the power they have, but secretly they also long for a strong man.

The hen-pecked husband

Another victim is the hen-pecked husband. How does this happen? What men know and what many women won’t believe is this.

All men want to do is please her. If he discovers he cannot please her he will either leave or stay with her, but give up trying. So if women never show their partners they are pleased with what they do, or they are too controlling, negative, or overly critical, the man will start to compromise himself to try to please her.

She will then feel insecure with him and so she may cause massive rows that to a man make no sense. But her message to him is clear. You are putting this relationship at risk if you cannot even stand up to me, a woman, and prove to me everything will be OK.

She sees his behaviour as a lack of strength, and so her respect for him will start to diminish and so the beaten man gets weaker and weaker and she ends up loving him like a child. Telling him off and putting him down. It does not take a rocket scientist to know their sex life is going to be a dead one.

So men, the lesson is clear.

She needs the strength of a real man, one she can depend on no matter what happens. A man who will always be there for her, forever. When she feels this security from him only then will she let go and become the feminine woman, very happy to help him  become the man you both can enjoy.

Become who you are designed to be, and watch your relationship and passion come alive. Live in the wrong versions of yourself and expect pain misery, and that‘s right! Zero passion.

Why Women Take So Long To Get Ready To Go Out

Women take forever to get ready for everything and frustrated men spend hours of their lives pacing, waiting for them to emerge. Is there a possibility that the men fuel the wait? Relationship coach explains what happens and why.

Have you ever noticed that when your wife/girlfriend is getting ready to go out with you, she will change into many outfits trying to get the look just perfect.

You know that she always looks great, but every time she asks your opinion, no matter what you say she nearly always changes outfits and combinations and colours, bags and shoes, hair up or down. Too much flesh or not enough.

Whilst the combination to the perfect outfit is being deciphered you know you’re going to be late. You can feel yourself becoming agitated and even though she knows this, she still keeps changing more and more.

The changing becomes accelerated the more you say you like it and the later you become.

So! What starts off as a fun evening out is now a night filled with tension.

Here is the deal guys: It’s your behaviour that made her late and I’ll tell you why.

What she looks like is not the key to speeding things along. What’s important to her is how she feels about how she looks, that is the secret.

So if she asks you what looks better the red shoes, or the black ones? If you tell her the red ones are the best, you are slowing her down, or if you say the black ones are best you are still slowing her down.

Confused!? This is why… This is your lesson gentlemen!

By making a choice of just red or black, does not help her to feel anything. She has to feel some thing good before she can make a decision and so she starts to feel confused.

Confusion helps her to feel worse, combined with thoughts that you don‘t care about how she looks. This is proved by your lack of interest and anger at her for wanting to look beautiful for you. So maybe this could be an underlying  relationship problem. Now she’s really driven to look really amazing which is going to take much longer for her to achieve.

Do you see what you did…! You put the foundations of the relationship into question.

Here is what you should have said: But take your time and have a really good look, she will notice if your attention is not on her.

  • “The red ones are best because they make your legs look a lovely shape and that really shows off your figure.”

Or

  • “I love you in the red shoes because it reminds me of our second date in Oxford.”

Or

  • “I have always loved your legs and the red ones make them look amazing because they look so long and sexy!”

NOW She knows that she has your total attention, and now she trusts that you love her enough to want her to feel good about herself. You share in her priority which is to look and feel good. Now she can relax knowing that she has achieved what she wants and she has feeling of security with you too.

Remember she would rather turn up late looking amazing than on time feeling that she looks a wreck. In fact if she doesn’t feel good about herself, then she may not go out at all, because her evening would make her feel awful about herself and a whole evening of that is far too painful to entertain.

The word “because” is a powerful word for her here and the evening is likely to be now one that you’ll love too, because now she feels slim and sexy and she has attached those feeling to you.

This simple lesson is the secret key to your woman. Understand what she wants to feel and then help her to feel that.

How to communicate with women

One of the biggest complaints I hear from men is how hurt they are at the words that their wives use. Men hear the words that women use and take them quite literally.

  • For example: You never pay me a compliment! The woman will be focused on wanting to be appreciated loved and feel attractive to her husband. The man however will be focused on the word

Are You Trading In Your Relationship?

Are you in a trading relationship? Does your partner have to do something for you before you will do something for them, or is it the other way around?

“I’ll do that for you if you do that for me!”


Maybe you are doing this because your parents did, think back, were your parents loving to each other when they were like this or was the atmosphere hard and lacking softness and love.

Trading relationships are destructive for love and passion.

If you and your partner live in this life then the passion love and respect will have gone or be on its way out.

The only way to get the passion back into your life is to give, give and give some more, and ask for nothing in return.

Then watch as if by magic your relationship takes on a whole new meaning. Try it let me know how you get on.

How To Mend A Broken Heart

The steps for how to mend a broken heartGetting involved in relationships no matter what age you are can be the most amazing experience and the most traumatic.

When someone experiences a break up the whole world comes to a grinding halt.

The pain can be excruciating, you try everything to get away from the pain but nothing works, it follows you everywhere even into your dreams.

You feel there is nothing you can do… but there is…

Anyone with a broken heart will run situations, conversations or images of their partner and what happened over and over in their head.

It is this constant focus on all this information related to what has happened is what’s causing the pain.

What also happens is the person goes through a grieving process where the future they imagined now cannot exist so they feel a sense of loss.

How to stop the pain…

Turn your focus to you an image of you both together in five years time, both unhappy and arguing, you comfort eating and gaining weight he’s out drinking and chatting up easy girls – in other words create a future you don’t want and run that one over and over.

Whatever your focus on make sure it’s an image of the life you don’t want.

This way your focus will change and the pain will go faster…

If you need help call me.

Unconditional Love – The Key To Passion!

Unconditional love is usually reserved for children. We feel that we have to hold back this special love from our partners because they could leave us, not find us attractive any more, find someone else or fall out of love with us.

So our fear is what’s holding our relationships back.

This fear is stopping you having the relationship you really want. This fear will put you on guard, your partner will notice your guard is up and so they put theirs up. All this happens without you both knowing.

Hold yourself to a higher standard before you expect others to.

If you have committed your life to your partner, then be true to your word and give your partner the real you, not the fearful one or the one who trades their love – I’ll only do this if you if you do this for me.

The rules of life are?

Whatever you want, you must first give in bucket loads first. If you want to receive trust then give trust. If you want to receive love then give your love. If you want respect give respect if you want unconditional love then give it today and every day!

No excuses no matter what you believe your partner has done, give the very best of yourself.

When both people in a relationship love each other unconditionally the fears are removed and in it’s place sits passion and a deeper connection that free and peaceful.

  • Try it today, in fact do this for 30 days, don’t tell your partner and let me know what happens.

Punish Your Partner At Your Peril

I was recently reading that one of the top reasons relationships break up is due to wives moaning at their husbands.

Now! I know that when a woman complains, the words she uses bears no relationship to the real reason she is complaining, but the man doesn

She Is Looking Angry What Do You Do?

Through a lack of understanding between the sexes and what each other needs, men and women can get into conflict very quickly. So a little knowledge can turn a potential war into loving.

The first rule is don