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No matter if you’re dating, or you have been together for years being understood is one of her biggest needs. If she feels he doesn’t understand her, this can scare her, it can help her to feel lonely, unloved, uncertain and that she doesn’t matter to him.
If it goes on for long enough she can feel numb and detached from herself and him in the relationship.
She will know she has changed and will feel he has too. [Read more...]
Image if you have to make a decision, this decision would affect your whole life, if you got it wrong it would affect those you loved the most, and could affect the way you live. This could also significantly affect your finances. Getting it wrong could also put others in charge of key elements of your life meaning you are not free.
Clearly this is a very BIG decision. Now imagine you have no education to know if you are qualified to make this decision and all you have is a gut feeling based on limited experience. [Read more...]
The following questions and answers point towards something important see if you can guess what it is…
Did you spot the common thread with each person?
Each person was focused on themselves and what they are getting. When things go wrong their focus is likely to be focused on what they are not getting.
You see ironically the more you give to your relationship the more you’ll get back. Of course you have to give what your partner really wants. No point giving what you think they want you could prove you don’t understand them.
In my experience if you give consistently through understanding you’ll get back 10 times what you put in.
So the model is simple, never give to get, give because you are a giving person!
The irony is the giving person always ends up with far more than the selfish one.
Nature brilliantly designed us to have chemical explosions inside us when we meet someone we are attracted to, but nature never designed us to live together for life in a box (we call home).
Natures primary concerned is with survival and growth.
So if we are not designed to live in a box together then we must need some other resource to make it possible to keep the love and passion alive.
You need skill to make a relationship last and stay passionate. You see if you are under the illusion that the power nature used to attract you to your partner will also keep the relationship and passion alive forever you will be disappointed.
For a relationship to work it takes real skill and understanding.
Without this skill couples all across the UK and the world live together in fear.
There are a few key things that if the couple focus their energy on these areas their chances of a successful journey together is significantly magnified.
Just imagine if you lived your whole life never getting the relationship you deserved and all you were missing were some key pieces of information. The information that society and parents don’t teach the critical information that is lacking in the marriages that end in divorce.
No matter what stage of the relationship process you are in getting this step-by-step information is critical.
Whatever stage you are in it is never too late to learn the skills for creating a successful journey through life together.
You see when things go wrong the best key to success is the knowledge of how to create growth at the point of conflict.
Building a successful relationships is a skill just like any other. What’s unique about relationships is you are lured into a false sence of security. The passion early in a relationship helps the couple to feel artificially successful really fast with no training.
With no relationship training you still feel skilled because you feel the love the passion, it happens automatically, until one day it goes and that day always comes!
So if we don’t have to be trained and skilled to start our relationships then why would we need to learn skills to keep them, that should be automatic too… RIGHT!? … WRONG!!! This is the biggest error couples make…
How do we normally become skilled?: Skills are usually gained through training of some kind, and through repetitive actions over years. People become skillful even masterful when they research and understand their chosen skill.
So if all this is true why is it we spend so much time educating ourselves to get the skills to get the jobs we want and we spend NO time learning how to have successful relationships, then with this total lack of training we then decide we are qualified to guide children to have wonderful lives and relationships.
Why is it so important to learn how to get amazing jobs, yet not important to learn the impact of wrongly committing to a person for life with no training or relationship skills?
You wouldn’t trust a Doctor who has had little to no training with your life would you? So why would you trust yourself or someone else with the best years of your life. After all you only get one.
Does this make logical sence to you?
A massive amount of time, energy and money is spent on making one day amazing and little to no money time or energy is put into understanding how to make that relationship not only last but remain passionate.
Don’t you think the world is wired wrong when it come to relationships?
I wonder how our relationships would look if we be spent that £15,500 (Average cost of a wedding in 2011) on understanding how to create an amazing lasting and passionate relationship instead of blowing it on just one perfect day?
After all the cost of getting it wrong is massive not just in monetary terms, but also in the cost to our families and our children.
Humans, we think we are smart, but how can that be true. The proof is all around us we are doing something wrong, the divorce rate is high, many of those that are still in relationships are dissatisfied, many quickly becoming passionless stale relationships. Only a small percentage are really happy behind closed doors regardless of what they seem to present to the world.
It’s critical… This is how and why my success rate with those that want to learn is really high.
Simple pieces of education if missed can destroy a relationship over time through fears.
What is it that really created that fire of passion when you both first met, and why has it gone today? Do you really know?
What does a man have to do when his wife has complained at him for years and his sex life disappeared over night, and is now she is quiet and depressed what can he do to help her?
You see anyone can have a wonderful relationship when all is going well, but it’s when it goes wrong is when a relationship either grows or dies. If you knew just the fundamental differences between sexes you would be rushing to discover these critical truths and more.
How can you create a future that is secure if you don’t have the skills to create it? I welcome your comments below.
STEPHEN HEDGER:
Marriage Adviser & Divorce Prevention Specialist
10 Harley Street London W1G 9PF
"Your skill as a coach is very special. Anyone who has tried traditional counselling and failed (as we had) should definitely try you before throwing in the towel." Read their story
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF
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