Relationship Help & Advice Index

For the benefit of those of you who have just joined, below are posts from the last few weeks that could be the one thing that will trigger a change in you to see your life and relationship differently.

To your success

Stephen Hedger

Relationship Coach

Any questions please don’t hesitate in asking.

Relationship Patterns of Behaviour

Are you aware of your relationship patterns of behaviour? Have you noticed that we all have all setup patterns in our lives without knowing?

For example

  • Which shoe do you always put on first, left one or the right one?
  • When you brush your teeth, where do you always start, left or right, top or bottom?

These are just two simple patterns that you will always do. You set them up without knowing and for years you run this pattern without thinking or knowing. You have actually set-up thousands of patterns in response to your world and your perception of it.

Do you know someone that is always angry, or always depressed, or always stressed? What pattern are they running?

When you put pressure on these people what comes out is the pattern that they have put into themselves, these people have a pattern of learnt helplessness, because they feel that it is out of their control. No one has told them what they are feeling can be changed all they have to do is change their focus.

They feel that the world, something or someone is controlling how they feel. A depressed person will look for everything that’s wrong in their life and this is their focus, it’s this pattern that keeps their depression alive.

If anyone spent hours looking for everything that’s wrong with their  life, if they spoke slowly in a monotone voice, head down looking at the floor, physically moving slowly whilst running a movie in their mind of how awful their life is and with a belief that life will always be this way, wouldn’t ANYONE be depressed?

Life events don’t cause us to have feeling of depression, it’s the meanings we give to these life events. If we believe that there is only one way to experience that event then we’ll feel helpless. Of course there is hundreds of ways to experience any situation.

Angry people, stress people, sad people, they all run patterns to keep them in this place.

What patterns are you running in your relationship? Tomorrow I will expand on this topic so you will start to understand what might be going on in your relationship.

Is Your Past Affecting Your Relationship Today?

Past relationship problems can have a profound affect on your relationship today, so much so they can change your future and the partners you choose.

  • A simple example we can all spot: A victim of an affair could develop a problem with trusting future partners. These kind of past issues are easy to spot and with the right help can be changed.

What about past experiences we are not aware of..?

The real struggle happens is when complex past experiences have an effect on your relationships today. For example if a woman today is very masculine in her approach to relationships and her life. What kind of man do you think she would attract.

What kind of relationship would she have and how would this dynamic in her affect her children?

This is an example of the past affecting her future that’s powerful enough for her to change her personality from female to male dominated, but how does this happen?

She made a decision…

At some point in her life she made a decision to become more masculine subconsciously, she may have decided to do this because she was under threat, or she needed to get strong, but some life event created that version of her, she was not born with it.

When she made a decision to live her life in this way, what she did was to shut down many others parts of her true self, because if she allowed these feminine parts out she maybe under threat again.

The world has moved on, but she is stuck

The problem she now faces is her life circumstances have changed since she made that decision, and she no longer needs to protect herself in the same way. Her protection pattern is outdated and no longer needed, but she runs it as if she is still under threat.

Living in this version of herself  could create signs of unhappiness or depression with her because her true values are not being met buy this distorted version of her.

Is there an outdated version of you running your life? Do you live in fear? Are you exhausted?

  • One of the session I run is called a Journey of Self-Discovery and it is designed to uncover these choices we may have set-up without knowing.
    It is designed to align you with your true-self so your decisions are no longer made from a perspective of fear, but from the clear knowledge that your choice will create a future of happiness.

If you are interested please let me know… Contact me

Critical Relationship Help For You

This has to be the most important relationship help and advice you will ever hear so please, please make sure you really understand this? No matter what relationship stage you are in, from dating to a long-term relationship.

If you don’t practice these three steps you will go through a lot pain together.

These are the KEY critical, but simple steps.

1. Understand in the context of a relationship your needs and wants in detail. Get clear on your relationship fears and what sort of person you need to be to attract the person you desire most (connecting with the real you is critical no matter if you are single or in a relationship).

2. Understand the needs, wants, and fears of your partner.

3. Without judgement help your partner through their fears and become addicted to understanding and meeting their needs every day.

If you both do this then the relationship you have always wanted can be yours.

So if it’s this simple why do so many people have problems?

The answer to this is simple also.

1. Most people do not understand their needs and how they work. So if you don’t understand your needs then how can you expect your partner to know them and meet them for you. If you have relationship problems it’s because the needs within the relationship are not being met.

2. People do not want to focus on their fears and so they hide them away until they come out and spoil the relationship. If you value “honestly” then get clear on your fears because with the right focus they can be removed or managed, no matter what has happened in your past.

3. When two people live their lives with fears running in the background and this applies to most couples, both people in the relationship will never be free to be who they really are. They then live together in distorted versions of themselves. This is what causes your fighting. The more problems you get with each other the more problems you’ll start to find. This makes unconditional love impossible.

4. The chance of meeting your partners needs whilst in a fear state is ZERO and so to stay safe, and stay in the relationship you may start to trade for things, love and affection. You both then end up two people taking from each other because you have to.

  • Successful unconditional relationship are different, because the couple spend their lives giving what their partner wants most, and so they never have the need to take. This is what makes the difference!

Understanding this is the reason why Relationship Coaching with Stephen Hedger is so powerful.

You will be guided step-by-step to understand your critical needs and if they are set up for pain or pleasure. You will understand that your fears were designed to protect you, but are now out dated, but they are still running, harming your relationship and your future.

  • Don’t live in fear, because you will regret that decision.