The last part of your question to me is regarding how he conducts himself around you. Is he scared, does he not know what to do, is he testing you, maybe he does not yet know your rules for how a relationship should be.

It really depend on how much you like this man and if you want to find out what going within him. You can help him to be successful with you by telling him what you want in a relationship, but are you going to have to explain everything and is this going to ruin your vision of the man you wanted.

The reason you feel so unsettled is becuase this man is not doing what your vision tells you a man should do.

Find out why and then decide if there is a good reason or if you are going to have to teach him how to be successful with you.

The first part of your question is regarding your values and needs and that they have to be inline to work. Yes it makes life much easier if you are both sharing the sames values becuase then your belief systems will not be fighting.

Thank you again for your response.

Kind regards

Stephen Hedger

I will wait until the next time that my friend may show another advance toward me. To outline my critical needs would go something like this:

“I don’t feel comfortable kissing you. I consider kissing very erotic. We’re not consistent in seeing in each other. It’s very important that whoever my partner is – our values and beliefs must be congruent. I am looking for a monogamous committed relationship.”

I would appreciate your input

When I told him no about kissing him – he said afterwards that he had to get over his obstacles. He has fears of intimacy – also, I think he’s seeing someone for his sexual needs. So perhaps, he’s counting the cost of what he wants to do.

Please explain from your last answer about understanding his intention behind his advance – rejected through confusion of meaning and my fear?

Also, I would like to get your perspective on a few other incidents. A few weeks ago, I met him for coffee and then we go for a trek. I was a few mins late –he purchased his coffee and a sweet and sat outside. I saw him as I entered and it didn’t sit well with me that he didn’t wait for me to order coffee together. I didn’t say anything about it – I purchased my coffee and went outside to him. I’m thinking that there was an incident before when I met him at the coffee place and he came from outside to offer to pay and I said no that’s ok. So maybe he thought it was ok this time.

When we went on the trek – he walked most of the time ahead of me – he didn’t bring any extra water/snacks. He only brought one bottle of water for himself. I brought snacks and water for both of us. It’s not a big deal but reflecting – it seems as if I wasn’t on his mind – like he’s not thoughtful.

Lastly, when we do go out – every 2 or 3 months – I meet him at a coffee place and then we go out together from there. Can you help me to understand why he doesn’t pick me up from my house? Thank you for your input.

I’ve been feeling lately that he’s not grateful for me and perhaps he’s not interested in a long-term relationship. Perhaps, he’s afraid of rejection as well. Maybe he’s not available right now because of his insecurities and his sexual encounters that maybe he’s not ready to give up.
Thank you.

Thank you for such a great comment. I’m so pleased for you that what you are reading is having a positive impact on you and your life.

Keep intouch

Kind regards

Stephen Hedger