Coping After An Affair

Coping with an affairAffairs are probably one of the areas of relationships that have proven to impact individuals the greatest.

The impact of an affair is potentially huge on so many people and can literally rip families apart.

People feel betrayed, full of resentment, some wanting revenge, on all levels the emotional response is very high.

It is very rare for people to set out to have an affair.

Affairs can happen for many reasons, my experience in couples counselling have been that affairs have happened due to the person who had the affair feeling that they were missing something in their lives and they believe the new person will fulfil that need.

This is in most cases a costly perception because whilst a few needs did get fulfilled many other critical needs become pushed to one side. In the excitement the cost can be ignored.

This cost is then discovered too late and when the damage has been done.

To start on the road to recovery after an affair both parties must be given the room to air honest feelings, create new boundaries and share what they believe caused the affair.

What starts off a seemingly simple quest for lust, can easily unravel far deeper issues in the individuals and the relationship.

It is for this reason that before a decision about the future of the relationship is decided, understanding is a key part of that process.

  • You may decide that despite what you know the relationship has to end, but you want accelerated healing to get on with your life.
  • You made feel that you would like to try to rebuild your relationship and are willing to embark on a relationship building program.

Every situation is different and what you want is individual and personal to you.

Can the relationship survive?

Understanding what caused the affair is a first step to building a stronger relationship. Very often relationships that do survive this destructive event, and understand why it happened do go on to be more in tune with each others needs.

If an affair has affected your relationship and you would
like support please contact Stephen Hedger today

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.


  1. Marriage after cheating is not easy and many married couples cannot find a way to get their marriage back on track from the shadow of the affair because of the lack of trust, the hurtful emotions and the fact that most sane people have never even though about how to handle such a terrible situation.

  2. My husband cheated while i was pregnant with our second child. We talked and talked and talked. I was honest about how i felt and eventually he was honest too. We both understand why the affair happened and it made us address a lot of things wrong with our relationship which probably wouldn’t have been addressed otherwise. We were on the verge of splitting up anyway as our relationship was at breaking point, so i can honestly say that the affair probably saved our marriage.
    However, although our relationship is so much better than it was, the trust is hard to rebuild & i find myself not letting down my barriers and being as close with my husband as i would like……my theory being if i don’t let my barriers down and always expect (in the back of my mind) for him to cheat again then when it does happen i won’t be so hurt.
    How do you go about getting those barriers down and learning to trust someone who has proved they aren’t worthy of that trust?