Emotional detachment – A hidden danger for couples!

Many couples that come for help tell me that their friends have no idea they are having serious marriage troubles. Yet the problems they face are very common and are today affecting many couples.

For many years most of those couples were having problems, but were not aware of how serious they were, because at that moment in time no one was wanting to get out of the relationship.

For these couples life seemed fine, not perfect, but who’s life is perfect anyway? So they accept the little problems as they work hard to become the best parents and best providers they can be.

As with every couple day-to-day stress and not enough hours in the day, it’s so easy to let life take control of you. Please note: If life takes control of anyone then they are not in control of what matters.

Unfortunately many are unaware of what really matters in protecting their marriage so the hidden problems eat away until one person has to say something.

[If this happens please don’t ignore them ever!]

The problem they faced without knowing was they were not feeding their relationship what it needed. One of the reasons was they probably had no idea how to.

They probably started the relationship well enough to think at that time a life together would give them what they needed. Without knowing what to do and how to do it. Many individuals live together, but are not connected in a way that builds a safe and secure foundation.

I see these couples some who function very well practically, but have little to no emotional connection and this is a big problem.

Emotional disconnect can be a slow process and if accepted in the early stages as normal will lead one person to want to remove themselves from the relationship many years after the process started.

Getting this person back can be a significant challenge.

So how do you spot a person who is disconnected or who is starting to become disconnected?

A disconnected person will be one who avoids emotional connection, because a part of them believes they will become hurt somehow, usually emotionally.

An emotionally disconnected person will not feel understood by their partner and will protect themselves.

This process of self protection is what causes the problems. The reason is because you can’t give love to the person you are protecting yourself from.

If this process of protection takes hold and becomes the habit, this person will become very good at emotionally numbing themselves from their partners lack of understanding – better to feel nothing than deal with the conflict/pain/trouble.

A person who becomes emotionally numb can say they no longer love their partner. They may also say they love their partner, but they are not in love with them.

Emotional detachment affects

  • The person can experience low moods
  • They could have given up trying to get through to their partner
  • They might feel tired a lot
  • They will no longer find their partner attractive
  • They could want to spend more time away from the relationship
  • They could be seen to have totally changed personality
  • This could look like a midlife crisis
  • They could become addicted to coping strategies
  • They could sleep a lot but not seem rested

Emotional detachment can be reversed with help. It is possible for a person who feels they have lost their love to find it will return with the right support.





About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.


  1. Daniel Squire says:

    How do you fix this, when they have already left and refuse to seek help?