FEELINGS: What is your mind really trying to tell you?

Feelings are very powerful and life changing decisions can be created from them, especially if we keep having the same feelings about the same things.

For example: My husband doesn’t understand me, or my wife is so negative. If people keep having this experience what feelings will they experience and what meanings will be created?

The wife that thinks her husband doesn’t understand her is going to have feelings that means he doesn’t care. The husband that thinks his wife is always negative is going to feel she is impossible to please.

Practiced enough these two feelings can lead a couple to emotional detachment and divorce.

Many of us put meanings to things, situations and thoughts without really thinking. So many people will have attached a meaning to a feeling and will accept it as a total fact. This is dangerous for that person as you will soon discover.

The human challenge we all face is we think our feelings are creating facts, BUT what many don’t know or start to explore is the meanings we create from those feelings are totally subjective.

Our feelings good and bad are very real and need to be heard and respected. Happiness, pain, sadness, anxiety from these feelings our mind and body will give us messages of euphoria, or pain and this will be an emotional and physical experience.

The meanings we then put to those feelings are part of a complex filtering process which is governed by our emotional states.

So lets apply this to real life, what emotional state is the wife going to be in if she feels her husband doesn’t understand her, which to her means he doesn’t care. Naturally she is going to be in a poor emotional state because he promised to love her and look after her for life.

If her emotional state governs her meanings in this context she will wear a filter of seeing everything he does as painful for her, this happens because she thinks he just doesn’t care.

So what will she now want to do? Of course she will move away from him emotionally by pulling her love away from him to protect herself.

All seems pretty logical, but the question is this: Does her husband really not care about her, is she right?

The moment she has a feeling which is bad she will naturally move toward the meanings that are most likely to protect her from harm emotionally quickly.

BUT if she were to look at all the other possible meanings this may have a profound affect on how she then feels about him and herself.

What if she is right and he doesn’t understand her and what if it’s true that he never could understand her because he has never been female and him understanding all her complexities would be a challenge for anyone. Plus to be fair to him, there are many times she doesn’t understand herself, so how could he? Does that mean he doesn’t care?

Men and women get very lost with each other because their feelings are creating meanings which cannot be fact. The real fact is the meanings are being created not just from the persons emotional state, but also from their own gender perspective and the map of how the world works.

Feelings create very subjective meanings and so challenging your meanings is the first step to taking control of the future you desire.

So is she really negative, or is she just fearful needing love and security?

Does he really not care about her, or is he just lost not knowing what to do, so he does nothing hoping it will just go away?

If you want to become successful with your feelings use them as a message centre. Pain is the message to stop doing what you are doing and make a change.

So i’m in emotional pain in my relationship, what changes could you make?

Leaving the relationship is one change but not the only one. Another change could be your mind and body could be saying you’re in pain because you have lost yourself and become something you are not to cope with your misunderstandings.

So that change to could be to become who you really are and learn why you changed.

Maybe you have both changed and that’s why you both feel so bad?

My message here is really to expand your meanings from your feelings because getting it wrong is very costly.

Have a think how many times has your mind and body requested a nourishing healthy snack such as fruit and you have given it the meaning that you need a burger?

We have all done that without thought, so get in tune with your mind and body and listen to the real messages not just the in reaction ones.

Your future depends on the meanings you create, because your meanings will create your decisions and decisions will create your futures and I know you care about your future.

Could this be the day you wake to your reality?

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.


  1. Am married for almost 4years now ,the problem started this year after having some misunderstanding with my husband he do what I tell him or request,u now listings to what his parents and his elder sisther tells him ,he doesn’t tell me what he is doing any more,I don’t know what to do am confuse I need your advice. Thanks