Helping men understand their wives

A significant problem that is presented to me over and over again is the very obvious disconnect between men and women and their interpretation of each others behaviours in their marriage.

It’s like men and women speak a totally different language in an intimate relationship. I see couple after couple present the wrong interpretations of what’s really been going in their marriage to me in their session.

This incorrect interpretation will trigger a series of mechanisms designed to detach that person from their partner. When practiced over time that person can become detached or numb for the wrong reasons.

Past problems such as childhood trauma can accelerate this detachment process.

Both men and women have this ability to do this, but today I’m going to talk about what I have to do to help men understand their wives as the process for each sex is different.

When men spend time one-on-one with me, my mission is to give them all the knowledge they need to become a powerful masculine leader of his marriage and his family.

Most men I see are good providers and great fathers, most are great people and loved by their family and friends, but they lack one simple skill…

How to emotionally connect to his wife in a way that creates a powerful intimate connection and enables a consistent sexual connection. So gaining this skill is key for both people.

This little practiced skill is critical to enable lasting attraction and a safe emotional connection.

To gain this skill the man has to understand the world differently, but with help the steps are easy to apply to real life.

Many men come to me with feeling their partner hates them, or she’s so negative, or she’s always starting fights. He may say she is controlling and keeps putting him down.

What I see is these are the symptoms of the wrong dynamic and a lack of emotional connection.

You see just because the relationship started well it doesn’t mean the couple will keep that dynamic for life. The couple have to do something specific to keep their connection and passion alive for life.

So when a women is in a session with me I am connecting to her primary challenge it maybe she is feeling emotionally disconnected, she has felt her husband doesn’t hear her, she may feel he doesn’t care.

  • Some women feel they are bullied by a controlling husband or she feels he is weak so she’s left with yet another child to look after.
  • Some women feel her husband is a nice guy, but she’s lost that spark with him.
  • Some women simply feel he can’t be trusted.

Whatever situation she is in unless she can connect to the right energy within her when she is with her husband she will start to feel something is wrong and start to disconnect from him.

He has to learn how to interpret his wife’s actions so it connects to what she is really intending. If he puts his own interpretation on her words or behaviours he will be wrong and will damage the relationship.

For example: A man was in a session with me frustrated at the fact she must really hate him. She screamed back at him “I don’t hate you, why are you saying that?”

“The way you speak to me” he says in disbelief.

What he is hearing and what she is feeling is clearly disconnected, this is a common problem with a easy solution for those that want to learn.

This couple demonstrate a trend of disconnection that sits in so many relationships that stack resentments and attach them to each other.

One reason women could detach is because she can become overly masculine in the relationship because her husband is not connecting to her emotionally.

From this position she will really struggle to see her husband as attractive. So three forces will be at play, not feeling loved, not feeling safe and not feeling attracted to him.

Practice this over time, she will generate a feeling as permanent, however it isn’t permanent if you act fast.

In essence women don’t need men, but they want to connect to them. So if he doesn’t connect to her in a meaningful way her she will look after herself and so he will make himself a pointless draw on her resources.

She may even feel it’s emotionally exhausting to be around him.

So to all men you must safe guard your relationship by learning a new skill and that’s how to be there for her in a meaningful way for her.

What she wants more than anything is to love you, but if you are setting up the wrong dynamic with her she will not be able to give that love and will resent you for it.

What she needs and how she needs it is going to be very different to you, so this is where a steep learning curve is needed.

How she behaves will feel totally illogical to you at times, but I promise, once you understand it will be totally logical it’s just not a mans logic.


  • Just because you love her, it doesn’t mean she feels loved.
  • Just because you earn the money – the money means nothing compared to the value of this skill to her.
  • Just because she important in your head – unless she feels it within her it’s not happening for her.

I see far too many women in my sessions crying out for her man to connect with her so I have to show him how.

For many men the way that women behaves scares them so instead of taking charge of any problem he either hides, runs off or counter attacks or worse tries to reason with her.

To all men: To solve the situation you are in, you must understand the problem first.

One of her core challenges is she won’t be feeling connected to the version of her that sees you as attractive to her. That’s not a safe position for her in the relationship.

A percentage of my time time is spent helping men understand how to successful connect with their wives. 

So I do welcome men to come on their own to learn these skills.

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.