“I have done everything I can to save this relationship..!”

So a couple comes into see me and the message she provides me is “I have done everything I can to save this relationship, it will never change, he will never change what’s the point!?”

Both men and women can give me this blocked and self-limiting message that makes any kind of future feel impossible, however with the right support they can learn there is a way to break-through what they thought was impossible…

…I know because I see it every day.

This week is a perfect example, 12 weeks ago a lady believed that her marriage was over, but this week she no longer wants to leave her husband and can now see a future again?

What she did that was different to most people is she was brave enough to learn and breakthrough her old feelings and beliefs and learn a new truth for her. A truth that was much safer for her to live in.

Sadly so many people don’t get to explore this profound shift of belief and reconnection to their self and their partner. So if someone has a belief they have done all they can they can feel they are right, unaware they have limited their ability to get to the truth.

With this powerfully limiting thought, a person is living an energy that is no longer looking for a solution and is trapped in their own pain resigned to the ‘perceptual fact’ that nothing can be done so they sit suffering in a lack of action.

One lady came to me newly single again after running her destructive patterns 3 times with 3 different men wasting 15 years of her life, she was almost ready to give up on love. It didn’t take much to help her see the problem within her and the negative impact she was having on these men without knowing.

So back to the couple at the start of this post “I have done everything I can to save this relationship, it will never change, he will never change what’s the point!?”

She is right in that she has tried everything, but what she is not connected to is the truth that she has only been able to try what she knows – that distinction is critical.

What she knows in terms of what was really going to work is not going to be nearly enough to help to get to the truth in her relationship.

You see many people discover that without knowing they are also part of the problem and I could see that she was because through her pain she was repelling her husband.

He also had his own destructive patterns, but if both people are unaware they can profoundly hurt each other without knowing.

She, of course, can keep her own perception of reality and convince herself she is right to leave the relationship to find a new life.

Her challenge is if she doesn’t fully understand why they are really in trouble she’ll leave him only to discover she’s in the same hell all over again but with someone new.

My message today is to get very clear on what is and what has been happening in your relationship but from a much broader perspective than just your own.

People who run successful relationships think differently to those who don’t, they see the world from more than just their own perspective, they are also curious to learn what they don’t know and most importantly they don’t blindly assume they are right without all the right information.

These people are good leaders of themselves their relationships and their families.

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.