Is it possible to think yourself out of a perfectly good marriage without knowing?

Impossible you may think, but please think again, sadly it’s totally possible and is a real problem I see on a regular basis. Below is one example of this in action. The simple fact is too many individuals are unaware that the way they think is subconsciously controlling how they feel about their relationship and their partner.

So a person can literally create thoughts that can lead them to feel they have to leave a relationship that is actually the right relationship for them.

What I’m talking about specifically is how a person can condition their feelings through the way they think.

I’m sure you have heard the story of Pavlov’s dog. The story goes like this, Pavlov rang a bell and then immediately fed his dog. He repeated this process a few times. The dog learned to associate the sound of the bell with food and would begin salivating when the bell was rung.

We all experience this in our own lives in Pavlov’s example sound was the trigger, but we can all be triggered to a feeling through senses such as sight, smells, touch, taste etc.

The example I’m about to share with you is where a woman has unwittingly trained her mind to feel bad when she thinks or spend time with her husband, leading her to want divorce.

She didn’t set out to do this, but for her the feelings are very real.

The example: A woman comes home from work and she’s having a bad time. She goes to her husband to feel better, but he doesn’t help her in the way she needs.

What she wants is for him to listen, share her pain and connect with her though her pain. What he does is try to fix her problem by offering solutions, such as leave the job, he will go and sort them out for her, or telling her what to do.

This man clearly loves his wife, but he is unaware that she is looking for a connection with him not a solution and certainly not the solutions he is suggesting.

Now she feels worse and has attached it to her husband…

The problem at work doesn’t go away. The problem at work helps her to feel bad and feeling bad she comes home and sees her husband.

She repeats this process.

Like Pavlov’s dogs she is associating feeling bad not just with work but with her own husband too. Of course he is not the source of her pain, but he can become the anchor for all of it.

Shocked by this thought she can look for other instances of when she has felt bad when she is around him.

She will scan their life together and find many instances.

Now she is on red alert for bad feelings when she is around him, this will create a poor emotional state within her and she may pick a fight, become critical, or shut down emotionally with him to protect herself.

This can lead her to practice feeling bad around him. If she keeps this up she will literally think herself into a divorce that she might regret.

Naturally, men have this ability too.

I have seen so many couples where one person who want’s to leave their marriage is unaware they are responded to feelings created purely by their habitual focus of thought.

Thoughts and how we use them are part of the process of how we experience our feelings from our subconscious.

So please be careful because it’s possible to think yourself out of a perfectly good relationship/marriage especially if the person is unaware of how to master their own emotional responses.

Emotional security comes from understanding how to get the best from ourselves. If any of this has struck a chord and your passionate enough to want to lean more book a consultation by clicking here:


About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.