Life for us is an adventure it’s about a planned, fun, free, sexy, passionate sometimes crazy life together.

I’m going to do something today that I don’t normally do, I’m going to give you my personal thoughts on life and relationships. I’m going to take off my professional hat and share what I believe is important and what has worked for my wife Cloe and me.

In my personal experience we only have one life, so go for your dreams don’t hold back ever. I personally couldn’t bear to look back at my life and feel that I didn’t give it my best shot.

Cloe shares this view totally, after all what else would you do? Worry you won’t get it? We agree that having a go, is far more important than focusing on the fear of not getting it.

This drive to build a life of excitement fills our relationship with constant hope and as we hit and celebrate each mile stone we set. Yes we plan for our successes.

The result is our lives together are filled with a real shared purpose and we know why we are together, we became team with goals.

In addition to this shared vision I remember when I met Cloe she said a man should be a man and a woman should be a woman.

This was interesting because she was naturally making it clear how she sees the role of men and women in a relationship, I agreed totally. Breath of fresh air to me…

Men and women today have their roles confused and the cost is usually their sex lives because confusing who we are makes us feel wrong inside. Men seem to becoming weaker in relationships and women are becoming more like the man. This dynamic equals relationship disaster.

I remember in a session I asked this chap what had to happen for him to feel passion for his partner.

His words automatically danced out of his mouth “I have to be swept off my feet.” WOW he just gave me a very feminine answer.

“Interesting answer” I replied. “Now say it again and this time tell me how you feel about you”, nervously he said it again, this time consciously.

He said “I actually feel like a total PRATT!”

Understand you are both totally different as fast as you can, and be what nature designed your sexual essence to be.

Talking of differences and passion, sex is critical to both Cloe and I, and the health of our relationship. When life takes over, which it can, if we have not connected we both feel very wrong. We both see sex as a perfect way to realign not only our relationship, but ourselves too. It’s like a reset button.

If both people are sharing a consistent and fulfilling sex life then this is a great barometer for how the relationship is doing.

In past relationships especially in my 20s I remember thinking how disrespected and rejected I felt as girlfriends seemed to communicate aggressively without care for my feelings, so I bit back equally hard, or I shut down on them.

Those relationships quickly headed for trouble, sex being a clear causality and for a 20 year old man this was disaster.

I had so much to learn, today the word “rejection” is no longer part of the world I live in today with Cloe. To feel rejected by her I would have to believe that Cloe is actually trying to hurt me and wanting to pull her love away.

For a fact I know that is not true and so, when she does attack (test me), I see the woman I love is in trouble and so I choose to love her, rather than make her pain about me, which is what I used to do.

After many years of being this security Cloe sees me not just as her security, but as her “hero” her words. I didn’t set out for that award, but I have to admit when she said it, secretly it did feel amazing.

The result of all of above and much more, is very simply we both feel that we can be ourselves in our marriage.

I truly believe that the reason we feel so relaxed with each other is because…

We are heavily invested in the same planned future.

We both put each other first without question.

We never let any conflict go unresolved and conflicts are always resolved with love as fast as possible – in minutes and hours not days or months.

We laugh, play and tease each other all the time, fun is so important to us both.

We both have chosen to take responsibility for what we want our relationship to be like. If we want more of something we make sure that happens.

If something doesn’t work we never do it again.

What under pins all of this is our unconditional love and our promise to each other is to always give this no matter how hard times can get.

Life for us is an adventure it’s about a planned, fun, free, sexy, passionate sometimes crazy life together. A life of where we can become more of who we really are with each other. Open honest and know we are both cared for.

Cloe is my best mate without question.

I went on a quest after many failed relationships to find her and today I teach not only how to find the perfect person for you, but how to keep them and how together you can live your true life purpose.

It really is possible to build a dream, the question is do you want yours?

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.