I Specialise In Helping Marriages Out Of Crisis Step-By-Step
About Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach
Based in Harley Street London I have spent 11+ years helping couples whose marriage is in crisis. Couples with a vast range of challenges have learn't step-by-step what has to happen if they want to rebuild their marriages and prevent their divorce.
Have you had any of these challenges?
- Are you frustrated at not being able to get through to your partner?
- Do you feel disconnected and unloved?
- Do you feel that communication has become impossible and the love you used to feel has been replaced with resentment and loss of respect?
- Do you feel your marriage has stopped growing and is currently dying?
- Do you fear your children are being affected by your marriage problems?
- You have tried traditional Marriage Counselling and that has not worked for you?
So many people get to the place where they can’t work out how to solve their differences and they are left feeling worthless and powerless.
When marriages hit problems individuals can find themselves feeling a combination of some or all those things above. When they see their past as a reflection of their future they know something has to change and getting out of the marriage can seem very attractive yet they are torn.
I had these struggles too......years ago I couldn’t workout how relationships worked, I was a nice guy, so why did my relationships keep failing? After a more than a few painful relationship breakdowns I decided to seek help and I was shocked at how unhelpful that "help" was.
I realised that I had to find my own answers, little did I know this would soon become my life purpose. I noticed that relationship problems were everywhere and I was not as alone in my struggle.
I had to find the answers to the relationship puzzle?There didn’t seem to be answers, therapists I visited just nodded knowingly, yet offered no real guidance, other people in relationships seemed just as lost.
I knew there had to be a better way. I interviewed doctors, vicars, couples in trouble, couples in love. I spent years learning from multiple sources from master therapists to leading philosophers. I spent years learning about how and why we do what we do, why relationships work and why they don’t.
I started to get results
It soon became crystal clear why so many couples were in trouble. The answers were right in front of them and in front of me. It’s like I woke up and could see why marriages were failing.
I started applying what I had learned and I was getting results, not just for couples in real crisis, but in my own marriage too.
Couples started to follow the steps. Couples who believed their marriage was over re-discovered the love that was hidden behind their fears, worries and power struggles.
So what did I discover
I discovered that people were acting without thinking, in fact they were acting automatically. The result of this lack of thought created a focus that would help to destroy the very thing they wanted to keep.
This was the key: Help the couple to focus on what really works step-by-step and help them create behaviors that would build more trust and love in fact help them to create more of what they really want.
My Clients Today Include
The word started to get out and high quality clients were recommended to see me: Clients such as: GP’s, Psychologists, Counsellors, Psychiatrists, Judges, Investment Bankers, CEO’s, Actors, Singers, Models, Film Makers, Professionals, House Wives, Stock Market Traders, Wealth Managers.
Marriage myths that cripples couples
Passion dies over time - Not true, passion dies when couples lose trust and don’t meet each others needs. This is a dangerous myth because couples accept as normal their relationship dying.
Relationships either work or they don’t - Not true relationships are created they don’t just happen. If there is no plan for a relationship then the relationship will die.
If you love me then you would know what I need - Your partner is not a mind reader and will see the world differently to you.
Men and women are the same - Could not be further from the truth. This assumption causes a significant amount of problems.
The Step-By-Step Solution for a Marriage in Crisis
For a marriage to be saved a different focus and different behaviors have to be present in the marriage.1. How did you get from falling in love to destruction?
Understanding how the couple have created their problem is the start. It’s very rare that it’s one persons fault, many couples go to blame and this is destructive.2. What equals a successful marriage?
Understanding what equals a successful marriage helps to focus on the goal. Goals are critical to understanding and are key for a couples success. Very few couples share their vision.3. Where is your marriage really?
When couples spend months and years on their problems their perspective and filter of experience is set to look for more problems, this helps the marriage to feel far worse then it really is.4. How well do I understand my partner needs?
Many couples feel they have given their partner all they can. When they feel what they have given is not enough, is not valued or respected they will give up. Many are shocked at how much they don’t know about their own partners real needs.5. How well do individuals understand their own needs?
If individuals in their marriage don’t share what they really need, their partner will be lost. But what happens if they feel they have shared and their partner has ignored them or they don’t really know what to communicate?6. How are you both meeting your needs today?
Many couples end up meeting their critical needs in ways which help the relationship to die. Making the marriage the source of critical needs is key to building confidence and trust.7. Rebuilding trust & Respect
Without trust no relationship can last and without trust the desire to meet your partners needs are zero.8. How are men and women different?
Instead of focusing on the strengths that the male and female have to bring to the marriage, they focus on the weaknesses thus creating fear.9. Principals of successful marriages
What are the fundamental principals for marital harmony do’s and don’ts.10. Rebuilding passion, excitement and adventure.
Once the couple can see why their marriage was failing and how to become successful, then they start to have confidence that when trouble hits they know how to support each other and the relationship. This level of certainty builds deeper trust and opens the path for passion, adventure and the creation of an exciting future.11. Putting this all together...
...so the value the couple brings to the marriage fills the couple up and so the effort and the energy is fun and not hard work.
Biggest mistakes married couples make
They change the essence of who they are. When problems hit marriages the individuals end up becoming someone they are not. They end up not only losing respect for their partner but they also hate who they have become.
So we end up with two people who are a shadow today of who they were when they first met.
The result: Anyone who becomes someone they are not will feel, stressed, anxious, depressed. This is effectively an accelerant towards divorce.
First thing you should now do...
Do you want to know if your marriage has the potential to become successful in the way you want it to be?
If you have children do you want to become a marital model that they can follow and you’ll be proud of?
If the answer is yes take action call now 0845 519 4808