Masculine Women in Relationships

When a couple comes to see me it’s highly likely they have been suffering for a while so I do expect both people to have lost sight of who they really are in their marriage.

One of the challenges I see again an again is when a woman has taken on a masculine energy and it’s destructive for both people.

To be clear men can play a significant role in women becoming masculine, but that will not be covered in this post.

Masculine energy for women can be very useful for her or it can be destructive without her knowing.

Masculine energy can be useful so she can protect and stand up for herself and her children. It can be useful in business. I know and admire many very powerful women in business. 

In many ways women really don’t need men, today women can even have children without a man.

So the question “what do you need a man for?” usually raises some interesting responses.

I asked this question of a very successful businesswoman.

Initially, she was stuck with an answer.

She was stuck due to her past problems of being sexually abused. She made a decision as a child that she had to protect herself and shutting down emotions stopped the pain of not being protected.

So she also became a great provider for herself through a passion for business resulting in money to keep her safe.

So she really didn’t need a man, but she was with me because she wanted one and the men she was attracting were naturally more feminine or they became that way to please her.

She could control them which she liked but she never respected them for that.

When a woman comes into a session one of my questions is going to be is she naturally masculine or has she become this way in her either through problems in her marriage or some profound event where self-protection was needed.

  • If a woman is naturally masculine then that is her home and where she is happiest.
  • If a woman is naturally more feminine but has become masculine as a means to protect herself then she is going to be suffering – this happened to so many women.

This suffering can be seen through depression, stress, anxiety and a powerful need to control.

It’s important to understand…

… women becoming masculine and self-protective is not the problem. The problem is if she feels she has to live there to be safe or has become stuck there without knowing.

When a woman becomes stuck in a masculine energy she will see her husband as either controlling, or weak, as a bully, or another child to look after.

Either way naturally feminine women who have become masculine for whatever reason can struggle with trust, intimacy and can lose attraction and feelings of love.

In fact, a woman that lives here too long can suffer so much here she can struggle to see the point of the relationships.

Many women who have been masculine in their marriage can be shocked out of her masculine energy by another man until she goes home and becomes masculine again.

This doesn’t always mean an affair, but she will ask questions as she naturally connected to her happier natural feminine self in that moment.

  • Some women become masculine to protect and keep their family together, it’s then no surprise to see them seeking help or a divorce once the children leave home.
  • Some women become masculine because growing up her mother gave her daughter her fears.
  • Many women become masculine because they are avoiding being vulnerable when there is no real danger and this kills the marriage.
  • Some women become masculine as men give up their masculinity as a means to please her. “if she’s in control she’s happier!?”

The best emotional place a woman can get to is where she feels free to be truly connected to herself and she is loved no matter what.

As I said at the start of today’s post, men can play a significant part in helping women become masculine without knowing.

BUT the responsibility is on both people to understand what has been happening and bring the best out in each other.

One lady I’m seeing was so shocked at the way she had taken control of her marriage and shut her husband down she realised she has also taught her daughters her fears and created young masculine women without knowing.

She is now empowered to free them and is delighted she is now helping them learn a safer way to be safe. 




About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.