Our relationship is terrible because my partner changed

One of the most disempowering places to be in a relationship is thinking you have no control over what happens when things go wrong.

You know you are a good person, so why is your partner behaving so badly? Why can’t they change back to what it was like when you first met?

Why can’t they understand you, why do they want to hurt you so much?

Many people lose hope because they can’t see a way forward. The key to this problem is to understand what you can control, the one thing you can effectively control is you.

You can control what you do, what you say and how you say it.

Now think, when your partner is behaving badly (in your opinion) are you aware that this behaviour is very likely to be them in pain fearful of something?

It could be they are fearful they are going to lose the relationship, maybe they feel can’t be successful with you, or maybe they fear not being enough for you and they fear losing your love.

So their poor behaviour is likely to be based on that pain/fear.

When your partner is in emotional pain what would the loving you want to do for them?

Help them or punish them? We know that punishing never works as a mechanism for lasting change, if that were true we would have punished them once and all would now be your way.

What creates change in someone is moving them towards pleasure.

To love someone when they are in their own fear is the skill that builds lasting passionate relationships.

This means raising your own standards becoming the partner that will bring out the real man or women in them.

You can’t judge your partner and love them, so as you are not qualified to judge them giving them your understanding and love is the best way to break through to rebuild the trust.

Stephen Hedger provides coaching for couples needing help with rebuilding their relationships. If you need help get in touch today.

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.