Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”

One of the most common problems couples face is a loss of passion. If you are in a passionless marriage then I’m going to share the most common causes and what to do about it.

When I see couples in this place I know I have to help them generate a new dynamic that reconnects them. They need to understand two things, what’s really been killing the passion and they need to learn the tools that will keep their passion alive in the future.

So let’s look at a common end result.

If the wife becomes the man in her relationship it’s a sure-fire way to make her struggle to see the point in him. If the husband feels that no matter what he does she’s never happy with him, with no solution available to him, he can give up.

These types of situations result in one or both people feeling emotionally unsafe in the relationship.

Loss of passion is created when the couple starts to create an energy that instead of magnetising each other it repels them. Loss of passion for many is created slowly over time, it’s not enough to cause shocking pain like an affair, but it’s enough to see them on a potentially destructive path.

The compound effect of resentments can be a typical root cause for the passionless couple. The challenge with resentments is they can lead both people with a need to protect themselves from each other.

This can be subtle at first, but what it means is the couple will be struggling to connect with each other emotionally.

They may have discovered that historically conflict has not gone well and they either argue all the time, or they never argue because there is no point.

I mentioned earlier that when a woman becomes the man in her relationship this is going to be a significant problem for her, so what do I mean?

Firstly every woman has this ability to become the masculine energy in her relationship if she doesn’t feel the man in her life has the ability, or desire to be it for her. So she will do it but, she will also resent him if she has to.

How can you tell if this is starting to happen in your relationship?

He might feel she’s picking at him, or controlling him, she might be testing him, confusing circular arguments, constant power struggles, she might feel he is like one of the kids, or simply lazy and selfish.

In essence, she is not seeing the masculine strength she wants to look up to within him, so she ends up seeing a weakness in him that she looks down on.

For her his masculinity is not connected to his job or his money, it’s only connected to his ability to connect emotionally with her.

In essence, he starts to become less attractive to her more masculine she has to become.

I have seen many women not share their true feelings with the man in their life because she either she doesn’t want to rock the boat, or she thinks he won’t understand, or worse care.

This put’s her in the position of being the man because she is silently trying to protecting everyone and herself. This position usually ends badly because the truth within her is she has become the protector/the man of her family.

When women become masculine and it’s not their true essence she will feel wrong inside, she will either create an energy that helps him see she’s not happy, or she will suffer silently for years, some choose to leave.

So all the above can help her lose her passion for him. There is no way she can see him as sexually attractive if she has to be the man in the marriage, or she sees him as a child, or she sees he just wants to protect/look after himself.

The same is also true for men if he does not feel like the man in the relationship he can lose his sexual attraction for her. I will save his perspective for a future post.

In essence what we are learning is sexual attraction can only live where the couple are free to be their true essence with each other – The challenge: very few couples know how to do this naturally so they have to be taught.

With the right understanding, a couple can learn how to bring out the best in each other. There is nothing more attractive for a woman when she is free to be all of who she is and she is still loved.


For a man, there is nothing more attractive than feeling he can be the man he has always wanted to be with her.

Every day I’m helping couples learn what it takes to create that passionate dynamic. If you’re interested to learn more about creating and keeping the foundations for sexual passion then click to book an initial consultation.


About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.