Recently I was asked by a psychologist looking to work with me, why do I think I was getting such great results with couples that came to me in terrible crisis?
My answer was simple, I treat every couples problem as totally unique. I then help the individuals to understand themselves and each other in a way that helps two intelligent people decide what they want to do.
What this means is every person and every couple will receive a totally different approach to their problem.
Very often people hesitate to come in to see me in fear of what I might find. My message is people don’t need to be fixed, there is nothing wrong with them.
What is wrong is their understanding of how to build a relationship for life and how to fix it when it inevitably goes wrong.
One lady came to a session with a negative perspective on her relationship and husband. By helping her see the world from his perspective she started to see how complicated her world was for him.
So instead of seeing him as mean, unloving or stupid, she now had empathy for him and she chose to be part of the mechanism to help him understand her better.
By aligning the couple on this and many other factors they were able to rebuild their relationship from almost certain disaster.
She said the change was mind blowing!
One gentleman who had an affair sat in my sessions week after week learning the core philosophies he needed to help his wife feel safe and loved with him again.
His old thinking had helped him feel trapped in a weak version of himself. She didn’t see him as strong for her and he felt terrible about himself.
The result he had an affair!
Week after week he puts into action what he has learnt, he then shares with me how one evening his wife stood in front of him and dropped her dress to the floor and they reconnected on every level.
When I first met him he was convinced the marriage was over, when I met her she said it was over. She had love for him, but how could she ever trust him again?
After seeing couple after couple reconnect out of crisis, it’s not difficult to see the patterns of what has to happen to help couples no matter what they have done to themselves.
My message is don’t give up, find out the truth.
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