Can a Leopard change its spots?

Many people come into my session with years of experiencing their partner being a certain way. They need their partner to change, but they are not convinced it’s possible so they sit in the relationship protecting themselves from their partner.

So they ask me “can a Leopard change its spots?”

One gentleman came in with a severe marriage issue and he was trying to save it – she wanted a divorce, but he had terrible anger problems.

He told me he was going to anger management. I said “Why do you want to manage it? Don’t you want to get rid of it?”

I went on to explain to him that his anger was designed to meet his core needs and because it kept meeting those needs through his anger he would always behave this way. [Read more...]

Anger Management Therapy

Do you feel that anger is causing you and your relationships problems? Do you feel that maybe some kind of anger management therapy could be helpful.

She had a terrible temper and the relationship was suffering

I remember this couple that came to one of my sessions and the the lady in the couple had been advised by her then counselor to go to anger management to keep her temper under control, her husband was delighted. She did as she was advised and the result was she became depressed introverted and disconnected with her true self.

It is key to understand why the anger is there?

Now the relationship was suffering due to her depression. They both decided to come to a consultation with me to see if we could find answers. We explored the relationship and we discovered that her anger was directly connected to her fears that the relationship was not going to work. She felt alone and out of control of her future. Her anger was actually a cry for help.

Her partner had no idea this was the case and instead of loving her and looking after her, he became angry himself and defensive out of frustration, resulting in him shutting himself away. Of course this made her anger worse as it worried her even more as she saw it as proof that her fears were going to come true.

Once he understood her pain through sessions with me, and that he held the key to her security he chose to show her love her through her fears. The result was the trust was rebuilt and magically her fears disappeared, and her anger stopped.

Anger Management? Do you want to manage it or get rid of it?

Through understanding how we work and how our emotions are created, we can rid ourselves of those automatic emotions that can cause us so many problems, not only for ourselves, but in relationships and the outside world.