Needy Controlling Partners

Why are some people so needy in relationships? Why does the relationship have to revolve all around them?  Is your partner controlling your relationship and have you let them, through your behaviours? Why does a person have to control their relationship and partner?

The answer is simple FEAR!…

…Plus historic conditioning

It is important to be aware when a person in a relationship is more concerned with what they are not getting rather than what they can contribute to the relationship. Sometimes the control is obvious and sometimes is is so subtle is can be confusing and makes you question yourself.

A person who wants to take from the relationship is usually unaware that they fear not getting their needs met such as “love” and the more they “take” the less they eventually get as resentment sets in. This creates more controlling behaviours.

So they end up with control strategies designed to manipulate their partner to feel that they have no choice, but to support them all be it in low level ways. Strategies could be…

Controlling behaviours such as

  • Passive aggression
  • Self Harm
  • Depression
  • Anger
  • Withholding love
  • Controlling time & money
  • Obsessive compulsive
  • Controlling realities
  • Behaviour blame – you made me do it!
  • Putting your partner down
  • Rejecting
  • Negative body language
  • plus unexplained illnesses to name a few. They will control whatever they can to get what they need, even if their need is met in low quality ways.

Needy controlling partners can put a significant strain on any relationship!

So do you think your partner is too needy are you being controlled?

Why do you think they are this way, has their been a change in the relationship? Have they always been this way?

You see, when fear(s) drives behaviours problems will follow!

The biggest challenge is when the person in fear refuses to acknowledge they have a problem and fear is driving them to destroy the relationship, they are so blind to what’s going on they carry on even as things are getting worse.

In the process of making everything about them they will tell you, you are the selfish one. They will reflect the problem they have back on to you.

This makes the situation feel totally impossible you love you partner, but you know the relationship will die if it carries on this way.

Does any of this strike a chord with you? Are you fed up of being emotionally used and battered?

Do you want to get to the bottom of your partners controlling needy behaviours?

  • If so please get in touch, help is at hand


Relationship Advice Index 24/09/2010

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To your success

Stephen Hedger

Relationship Coach

Any questions please don’t hesitate in asking.

Relationship Patterns of Behaviour

Are you aware of your relationship patterns of behaviour? Have you noticed that we all have all setup patterns in our lives without knowing?

For example

  • Which shoe do you always put on first, left one or the right one?
  • When you brush your teeth, where do you always start, left or right, top or bottom?

These are just two simple patterns that you will always do. You set them up without knowing and for years you run this pattern without thinking or knowing. You have actually set-up thousands of patterns in response to your world and your perception of it.

Do you know someone that is always angry, or always depressed, or always stressed? What pattern are they running?

When you put pressure on these people what comes out is the pattern that they have put into themselves, these people have a pattern of learnt helplessness, because they feel that it is out of their control. No one has told them what they are feeling can be changed all they have to do is change their focus.

They feel that the world, something or someone is controlling how they feel. A depressed person will look for everything that’s wrong in their life and this is their focus, it’s this pattern that keeps their depression alive.

If anyone spent hours looking for everything that’s wrong with their  life, if they spoke slowly in a monotone voice, head down looking at the floor, physically moving slowly whilst running a movie in their mind of how awful their life is and with a belief that life will always be this way, wouldn’t ANYONE be depressed?

Life events don’t cause us to have feeling of depression, it’s the meanings we give to these life events. If we believe that there is only one way to experience that event then we’ll feel helpless. Of course there is hundreds of ways to experience any situation.

Angry people, stress people, sad people, they all run patterns to keep them in this place.

What patterns are you running in your relationship? Tomorrow I will expand on this topic so you will start to understand what might be going on in your relationship.