The Most Important Decision of Your Life

Image if you have to make a decision, this decision would affect your whole life, if you got it wrong it would affect those you loved the most, and could affect the way you live. This could also significantly affect your finances. Getting it wrong could also put others in charge of key elements of ­your life meaning you are not free.

Clearly this is a very BIG decision. Now imagine you have no education to know if you are qualified to make this decision and all you have is a gut feeling based on limited experience. [Read more...]

Why are couples not honest with each other?

If challenged I expect all couples would agree that being honest is critical to make a relationship successful.

Most of the couples that come to me for help will admit that if they had said how they were really feeling when things started to go wrong in their relationship, they would be in a different/better place today. I also have couples tell me they were honest, but were never heard.

  • Of course honesty is only effective if what is said, is understood…

There are some key trends that I have noticed: Men fear bringing up problems, because if they do it usually means a very long chat, she will become upset, that chat will make little sence to him, plus he has no obvious way to fix the problem. This prospect is very painful to most men because, he feels he will fail and this could damage the relationship.

Women can drop BIG hints to their partners, to them they seem so obvious, but they become frustrated because their partner never seems to get the message, or if he does, he is clearly ignoring it. This to her can be proof that she is not heard and so is not valued by her partner. If she is not valued she is therefore in the wrong relationship.

A man may fear bring up how he feels so he decides to just put up with whatever is troubling him for a quiet life. Just this process starts to disconnect him with himself. As he does this his partner will notice this shift and is likely to react to it negatively. Now the relationship is in a distorted place. He may have been trying to protect the relationship from problems, but the outcome is now more problems as the closeness they once had starts to drift apart as he can start to feel unsuccessful in his relationship. At this point he will spend more time where he does feel successful and this could be work, hobbies or mates.

A woman may feel that she is never heard and so after years of trying she decides to shut down or nag him. I see many women who do this, they feel that they have communicated and he has chosen to ignore her. In this place she will no longer look to her partner to give her what she needs and gets it either from herself, friends, family, children or work.

The real challenge is not that the couple are not honest people, the challenge is they don’t know how to communicate how they feel and what their needs are in a way that will be heard and respected by their partner.

So they either keep doing what they have always done in the vain hope their partner will hear them, or they decide to escape the relationship.

Does it feel like this is what’s going on for you? If so call me now.

How To Make A Relationship Work

Millions of people globally are searching for information every month that can help them understand the answer to the question – How to make a relationship work?

Experts across the global can agree on one thing, and that is you have to get to know you first, and understand what you need to be happy so you can communicate those specific needs to your partner.

After all your partner is not a mind reader.

Getting to know the real you sounds great, but how do you really get to know you. What or who can really help us understand who we really are and what we really need?

Some people believe going travelling will work, some go to self-help seminars, some spend time alone, some have many partners. There are many strategies, but do any of them really work?

The answer is yes and no, because you can get to know one version of you, the version of you that always knows what to do when the pressure is off, but what about the version of you that crumbles when life gets tough.

You see there is not just one version of YOU! In fact there are 20+ different versions of you that live by very different rules. These different versions will create different futures for you, some not as good as others some amazing and some really destructive.

Getting to know them all and understanding the versions and their purpose is your real BIG goal that will help you understand why you do what you do and help you understand when you are being destructive.

The version of you that causes real problems is going to be a fearful version of you, a version that will distort the world and limit you whilst giving you the illusion of balancing your life to feel normal.

This is the version that lets you down when you need it most. Just imagine knowing which version of you that will always create great futures and discovering by choice how to be that person.

  • Do you want to discover the real you? If so I run self discovery sessions it takes about 2 hours per person. If you are interested please let me know. Click here