How to mend a broken heart?

Those suffering from relationship heart break will experience emotional and physical pain through the trauma of losing someone they loved, through them leaving and chosing a new life.  The victims will run questions over and over in their minds searching for a solution to their pain.

Why did it happen, What did I do wrong? How could they do this to me? They promised to be with me forever? How could I have not noticed? I must be a failure? I’m a bad partner? He or she tricked me? How could I be so stupid? I should have done more….! This list of torment goes on and on.

Individuals get taken over with feelings ranging from worthlessness to anger, from humiliation to feeling unlovable from abandonment, rejection to deep depression and some to suicidal thoughts.

Both men and women can have a desire more emotionally powerful than almost any other to find away to get their partner back.

Some know that getting their partner back is impossible, or they have no desire to go down that road again, however they still have feelings of love for them yet no where to put those feelings.

Some just feel stuck not knowing what they want all they know is they are experiencing a hurt they never want to experience again.

So how do you heal a broken heart?

How to you mend the heart of someone who is in so much pain? Some just get active, they make life changes, some block their emotions, some get another partner fast.

What I find that works best is understanding the truth, or getting as close as we can to it.

The purpose is to put the person back in control of their life and their emotions. The experiencing feeling out of control and this is very frightening and if not understood can emotionally block that person for years to come.

Once the person has understood their role in their relationship break up then the job is to build their confidence in themselves by teaching them how they work and how they can take control of themselves and their future lives.

This process is very powerful because they not only understand how they work but they understand what to look for in future partners.

They learn how to communicate with themselves in new ways and this empowers them to see the world and how others behave in new ways.

A broken heart can be mended and the person can learn the right way to heal themselves step-by-step.

No one is out of control they just feel they are because life, parents and society has not taught them how. This doesn’t mean it’s not possible it means that education is needed.

Broken Heart Seeks Reconciliation

Dear Stephen

My relationship of 9 years with my partner recently ended so we do not live together now. We have a 7 year old son. I am heartbroken and desperately miss her and day-to-day contact with my son. She will not talk about a reunion and keeps saying it is over.

What do I do?



Dear Des

Thank you for your email. When a relationship ends your whole world is affected not to mention the loss you will feel, so I am sorry for your loss and in particular your little boys loss of not having his father around everyday.

You don’t mention the reasons your partner left, but to be honest people’s reason, or the problems people face are never the real reason why people split up. The real reasons are much deeper than surface problems.

Why someone will leave a relationship

The only reason someone leaves a relationship is because their deeper needs are not being met by their partner and so when they consider a future with them it becomes a painful thought so they feel that they have no choice but to go.

This is why relationships end.

For your partner to consider even thinking about a reconciliation, you would need to prove to her that you understand what needs were missing for her in your relationship, and that you understood why she had no choice, but to leave.

Then she would need to be convinced that not only is your understanding real and honest, but that you can commit to meeting her critical needs for the rest of your lives together. Of course this does have to work both ways.

So the only way to help her change her mind about a relationship with you is to convince her that the future she has pictured with you is not going to be full of the pain she expects.

What she is looking for, will be a man that is an oak tree of security for her, that understands her and helps her to grow and be the woman she wants to be, in the life she wants to live.

Many men respond with “BUT I gave her everything”
…my response is always “yes you did, everything except for what she really needed.”

So Des your task is to put yourself in her shoes, and imagine what her life was like living with you and what reasons could she have for leaving.

What you are looking for is a conflict in what she values most. So we know that “security” will be one of her values/needs for any relationship. What could have made her feel insecure about being with you, what could have created a future that was not safe for her?

Uncover all her values/needs for having a successful relationship and discover what was missing in your time together for her.

Only when you get these answers will you have a chance with her to start a conversation that will mean something important to her and is not just about what you might want.

I will be contacting you direct Des because you’ll need to get this right for success to be possible for you all and especially your little boy.

Quick note to everyone…

If you don’t understanding your partners critical needs, this is a recipe for disaster in any relationship, because how can you consistently give your partner what they need if you don’t understand what it is they want.

Worse still is two people not understanding each others needs and not understanding their own, all this creates is a relationship full of fears that then creates constant conflicts and blame.

How To Mend A Broken Heart

The steps for how to mend a broken heartGetting involved in relationships no matter what age you are can be the most amazing experience and the most traumatic.

When someone experiences a break up the whole world comes to a grinding halt.

The pain can be excruciating, you try everything to get away from the pain but nothing works, it follows you everywhere even into your dreams.

You feel there is nothing you can do… but there is…

Anyone with a broken heart will run situations, conversations or images of their partner and what happened over and over in their head.

It is this constant focus on all this information related to what has happened is what’s causing the pain.

What also happens is the person goes through a grieving process where the future they imagined now cannot exist so they feel a sense of loss.

How to stop the pain…

Turn your focus to you an image of you both together in five years time, both unhappy and arguing, you comfort eating and gaining weight he’s out drinking and chatting up easy girls – in other words create a future you don’t want and run that one over and over.

Whatever your focus on make sure it’s an image of the life you don’t want.

This way your focus will change and the pain will go faster…

If you need help call me.