“My partner doesn’t want to attend couples counselling – what do I do?”

What do you do when one person is desperate to get professional help and the other person will not go? I know for many this situation is so frustrating because they feel so stuck. 

Far too many people wait until they are on the edge of divorce before they are willing to seek help and this causes them significant stress that could have been avoided.

Fortunately there is a solution to help you be heard…

Before i jump into this post I wanted to give you two pieces of news.

  1. The better relationship program offer ends in 6 days – please hurry I only offer this program twice per year. Click here to attend
  2. I have now opened my home in Oxfordshire for couples to spend time with me in addition to my Harley Street office.

In todays post I thought it might be useful to expand on this topic of a partner blocking attending counselling, because I hear this so many times.

There are many reasons that can sit behind this specific problem. [Read more...]

She said the change was mind-blowing!

Recently I was asked by a psychologist looking to work with me, why do I think I was getting such great results with couples that came to me in terrible crisis?

My answer was simple, I treat every couples problem as totally unique. I then help the individuals to understand themselves and each other in a way that helps two intelligent people decide what they want to do.

What this means is every person and every couple will receive a totally different approach to their problem.

Very often people hesitate to come in to see me in fear of what I might find. My message is people don’t need to be fixed, there is nothing wrong with them. [Read more...]

All successful couples have done this to save their marriage and avoid an almost certain divorce!

Every day I spend my time with couples in crisis. I see multiple couples a day, each one with a totally different problem from affairs to loss of love from breaches of trust to circular conflicts and power struggles.

So I’ve end up with a very unique perspective on the world of relationships. What’s important about this perspective is the data I have collected for over a decade on those that are successful and those that aren’t.

The successful couples have all consistently done the same things to save their marriage. Today I’m going to share some of my findings.

Seven Steps to Save Your Marriage From Divorce

These are the seven steps all successful couples are taking to avoid divorce regardless of the problem they have brought to me.

Yes that’s right – regardless of the problem they bring! [Read more...]

“I’ve spent years trying to change my husband – What did you say to him?”

The biggest challenge couples with marriage problems face is not taking action quick enough. They don’t see a very real danger that’s right in front of them. They wait and wait until it gets really bad for both people and then they seek help.

The story your about to read is why it’s so important not to wait. If she would have waited until she was ready to get help they would have lost their marriage. He did what any man should do, he stepped up in a quest to save his relationship.

So this couple were booked in for an initial consultation with me. I had spoken on the phone initially with the husband so I had a little background on their story.

He told me his wife was very nervous and very skeptical that a meeting with me would do any good. I told him she would be looked after and to communicate to her my mission was to get the best possible solution for them both.

On the day of their initial consultation I received an email telling me his wife had changed [Read more...]

Does your partner want to leave your relationship?

When someone has decided they want to leave their relationship, or are making sounds this is what they want, it’s key to understand what is really going on within them so you can help them make a good decision for them?

I’ve written todays post to uncover what is really going on and why because it’s perfectly possible to reconnect a couple who look like they are at the end of the road once the couple understand what’s really happening to them.

So let start with the basics, many people are not aware that life is really about our ‘feelings’. We are all on a quest to achieve the feelings we want.

We like the feelings that make us feel good and we do our best to move away from ‘the things’ that create painful or uncomfortable feelings. [Read more...]

How to solve impossible marriage problems

If you are feeling your marriage problems are impossible to solve this post is for you.

When a couple come to me for help, they are going to both share a story of their relationship. Each person will have a different story about the same relationship, with different perspectives of the same event(s).

Both people are likely to have attached pain to their story. They have usually been feeling this way for a while and want the suffering to stop.

My job within their process is to help them understand their core problem(s).

Couples will be experiencing problems that become their focus, such as conflict, affairs, communication breakdown, power struggles to name a few. [Read more...]

How to get your marriage back on track

In todays post I’m going to share with you two critical elements that are needed to help a couple get their marriage back on track.

Couples are coming to me with a vast array of problems and with differing degrees of severity.

Some simply want me to fix them, some are not sure what they want. Some are convinced it’s over, they are only in front of me for the sake of the children.

So if you want to get your marriage back on track then here are some important things to focus on. [Read more...]

Crisis Point: Is there a way forward?

If you are in crisis and need help, my practice has a very successful history of helping couples and individuals with what they would consider to be impossible to solve problems. I’m the person that gets the call to help many high profile couples or individuals keep their stories private whilst providing swift solutions.

For many couples and individuals I do become their last hope. Many will have tried different change therapies and still do not have a solution which is frustrating.

Below are a number of cases that came for my help. Each case has a very different problem that had put them into crisis with no logical way out. My message through these stories below is, just because there doesn’t seem to be a way out of the crisis it doesn’t mean there isn’t one. [Read more...]

Are we compatible?

Are we compatible? This is a very common question and one that gets asked a lot when I’m working with couples? Couples that come for my help want to know if the problems they have are fixable, or do they have some deep-seated problem hardwired into their relationship?

For most couples in crisis the reason they feel incompatible is because that’s exactly what’s happened, they have created an incompatible dynamic. Their dynamic has changed for some reason.

This change of dynamic will create feelings that one or both people simply can’t live with.

The good news is for most couples this state is not permanent once we understand the underlying cause(s). [Read more...]

What really helps to fix marriage problems?

The simple answer to this question is in their patterns of behaviour. Couples can create patterns which can create a negative ping-pong effect in their relationship. Both people can then end up protecting themselves from each other which is disastrous for their future together. If the relationship is to be saved then it’s important to break these patterns and build new ones that are safe for both people.

Of course sharing each others experience through talking about the relationship is important when trying to solve any problem(s).

When the couple understand the truth in their relationship then there is a potential of an intellectual understanding of their situation. [Read more...]

“Thank you for not giving up on me…”

These were the words from a woman that months before swore blind that her marriage was dead. She was thanking her husband for not giving up the fight to save his relationship and family.

Months before she sat in my office telling me that she would explore the relationship, but her mind was made up, she wasn’t in love with her husband and she had to leave.

She also presented a relationship history that essentially said she never really loved him and she had made a mistake marrying him.

To him this was a total contradiction of his experience, he even bought up letters and cards of love that she had written to him over the years. She denied any of it was real and she was playing a part. [Read more...]

What’s getting in the way of the relationship you really wanted?

I started to explore the world of intimate relationships for myself more than three decades ago. What drove me was the proof that something in my own relationship life was wrong.

As a young man I thought that I understood relationships. My relationships usually started off great, but it wasn’t long before those feelings changed. Either my partners changed, or I changed, or we both changed.

It was obvious to me back then that they were the problem! I never knew back then how wrong I was. My thinking was if I did change this was because they changed first, or that they were unreasonable.

As I look back today on my younger self I can see that I was ill prepared in knowledge and skill to create the dream I had in my mind. As I started to explore the world of relationships I started to realise I was not alone. [Read more...]

Want to solve your problems?

Do you feel that your problems are impossible to solve? Any individual or couple that have a problem they feel is impossible to solve is going to feel that way for one reason.

They are keeping their problem alive by the way they are approaching their problem(s).

It’s easy to keep approaching a problem in the same way, keep failing and then concluded it’s impossible to solve. So many couples are divorcing for the wrong reason and they have no idea. Many feel they have tried everything, however the truth is it’s likely they have only tried what they can think of trying.

A lady came to me recently, she was struggling to get over a recent break-up. She was clearly harming herself with her approach to her challenge, no sleep, loss of weight, emotionally empty she was heading for bigger problems and she knew it. [Read more...]

How to move a relationship out of crisis?

If you are in crisis and you want to make a change in your relationship then it’s critical that the process of making that change is understood if you are to be successful.

The most common scenario I see is when one person feels the relationship has died. They have lost their feelings for their partner and do not know how to get their feelings back. Some of course don’t even want to try.

One person is likely to be in a position where they are desperate to save the relationship and they can get very busy trying to stop them leaving.

Individuals panicking to save their relationship will usually notice they are making their fragile situation much worse through taking the wrong actions. The result is they are likely to see their partner become more detached the more they try to keep them in the relationship. Both people can now feel stuck. [Read more...]

Relationship habits and patterns

In todays post I will be covering an area of relationships that if understood would totally change the direction for any couple heading for trouble and redirect them towards a far happier life together. Couples that want to learn what your about to read can avert a likely divorce and redirect their marriage to be much happier than before.

So as you can see this is an absolute must for those wanting to keep their relationship alive.

The biggest problems any couple will face is where to put their energy so it connects with what’s important to themselves and their partner.

Each person in a relationship will have many patterns of behaviour unique to them and these individual patterns will create habitual patterns in their relationship. [Read more...]

THIS IS NEW: You can do it in 2015

What an amazing year… Sitting day-after-day in front of couples in real crisis is not something many people would want to do. 

However, when you see the results I see of couples reconnecting, it’s such an amazing feeling knowing you have helped another family avoid the hideous process of divorce, especially when children are involved. It’s those moments I live for…

Here’s what was interesting, as I’m working with all these couples, a common message has been repeatedly communicated.

They say “…we should have come to see you years ago.” [Read more...]

5 Actions That Can Lead Couples To Serious Problems

If you have been a subscriber for a while you will know that I see a lot of couples at crisis point with serious problems all wanting help to discover if it’s possible to create a dynamic that could work long-term. 

Every couple comes to the session with a unique problem, usually a combination of destructive factors some obvious and some which the couple are totally blind to.

Usually one person wants to win the relationship back and the others feelings ranges from totally detached to wanting the marriage to work, but not convinced anyone could help them. [Read more...]

This is the truth that if understood will set couples free

Yes this is a big statement, but I don’t make it lightly. As you scan this post today you may start to see a possibility that was not there before.

When problems start to occur in a relationship one of the automatic processes that individuals experience is they respond to their problems with their habitual coping strategies. These are behaviours usually designed to protect them from being hurt emotionally.

The problem this behaviour creates is the person is now focused on protecting themselves rather than contributing positively to the relationship. This means they are no longer an effective contributor to the relationship and are actually contributing to the destruction of the relationship. [Read more...]

What does the brain have to do to fall out of love?

This is an interesting question because the brain did something when the couple fell in love. The brain then changed to do something different to fall out of love.

What changed was the persons perception. To fall in love the person would have created a future perception that would have seemed very attractive and compelled them to want stay in the relationship.

To fall out of love the persons future perception would have changed from a compelling future to a future of pain if they stayed in the relationship.

Moving towards a perceptually painful experience is not something most humans are comfortable with.

The big “BUT” here is this, [Read more...]

Helping a couple to breakthrough their problems and avoid divorce

How is it possible to help a couple in crisis? How can you bring a couple back from the brink of divorce? How is it possible to help that couple even if that couple are convinced there is no way back?

The answer is to change the thinking that lead them both to disaster. But the way they change their thinking has to connect them to their true-selves otherwise the changes cannot be sustained.

The reason couples struggle so much and end up shutting down and seeing divorce as the only option is because they were trying to use the thinking that created their problems to solve their problems.

New understandings about their experience together is the key to new meanings and a safer future together.

Communication is critical in any relationship so couples have to learn how to translate what their partner has really been trying to say. [Read more...]