One thought that could change your life

One of the reasons I set up this free information about relationship problems was I because many people struggled to know where to put their energy when problems strike their relationships.

I do get messages from my readers saying that my words have helped to save their marriages and for me that is worth every second I spend thinking about what could add value to someone in trouble.

So here is todays thought.

I know that many relationships fail for all the wrong reasons. The people that make life changing decisions are doing so without really understanding what is going on within them. [Read more...]

Fix your relationship with one small easy change that anyone can do…

What if one small change could make all the difference to your marriage and could save it from months or years of problems.

What if there is one small change we could all make to keep our relationships safe. Safe from misunderstandings, safe from no win arguments, safe from the ups and downs that life throws at us.

What if this one small change could break the patterns of destructions many couples have lived with for so long.

This small change that everyone can make is simply to be the best they can be in their relationship, or more importantly how to learn to be the best they can be. This is really important to understand… [Read more...]

The decision to leave a marriage can happen in a moment

Individuals in relationships / marriages are silently making decisions across the country that are totally changing the direction of the couples lives forever. These decisions are very powerful and can leave their partners in total shock feeling helpless to change their minds.  

These decisions, are made in the moment and can profoundly change the persons behaviours. So warm, caring and loving people can become cold and distant. It can feel like you’re living with a total stranger.

Even though the decision to end the relationship takes a moment people take months some take years to get to this point, for them it’s months of suffering. Many will have communicated their unhappiness, but feel it has landed on deaf ears. [Read more...]

I have tried but I know he/she will never change

In yesterdays post I asked you to look after your relationship.

I wonder how many of you put those words into action? My guess is only a few, if you are one of them I congratulate you.

If you didn’t then I would like to help you because you could have a good reason why you didn’t.

  • It could be your partner doesn’t show they love or care for you?
  • It could be that you were too busy?
  • It could be that you don’t love them anymore and your looking for a way out?
  • It could be why should I give when they never do?
  • I am always the one trying, he/she never tries.
  • I don’t feel important to my partner, so why should I? [Read more...]

A small shift of focus created a different world for her.

Knowing how to repair a relationship when it goes wrong is critical for any couples survival and is the responsibility of both people in the relationship. To do this you have to understand your partner, how they think, how they translate information and what’s important to them.

This lady needed all this information and more to be able to get through to her partner. She needed to be able to connect with him, but didn’t know how.

At the point of writing to me she had only spoken to me once over the phone she was pregnant and very fearful.

These are her words

I contacted Stephen after we had been seeing a counsellor for almost a year and she left the company which meant our weekly sessions stopped. Within two weeks of her leaving my partner and I had separated (I.E. He moved out). [Read more...]

Part two: How to save a marriage from divorce

Welcome to step two in my how to save a marriage from divorce series.

Step two: Save Your Marriage From Divorce

The second step is to help the individuals grasp how by changing focus from loving their partner to protecting themselves from their partner they actually changed the direction of their marriage without knowing.

You see if our focus is consistent in any direction, or belief, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, we will create feelings that help us feel our focus is true.

So if you focus on pulling love away for long enough you will lose feelings of love. If you feel your partner is not romantic then you will stop being romantic and so you won’t feel it. If you think you partner doesn’t care you will stop caring about them. [Read more...]

Marriage reconciliation: Can a marriage with years of problems be saved?

Marriage Reconciliation is it possible really?  Well those that have been reading my posts for a while now will know my answer. Why? Because I see it every day in my practice.

BUT today I’m going to share with you how it’s actually possible, why do my clients create a shift that changes their marriage from a total belief it’s NOT possible to solve their marriage problems to creating a connected passion that’s deeper than they have ever experienced. [Read more...]

How To Save Your Marriage Alone!

If you want your marriage to work and your partner won’t seek help what do you do? This post is about how to save your marriage alone.

How you can make a difference in your relationship even if your partner doesn’t want to try?

The starting point is this: You have to know it is possible to save your marriage on your own, but you’re going to have to make some changes in the way you listen, understand your partner and how you behave. [Read more...]

Should you leave your marriage?

If anyone is asking this question then clearly it’s time to start taking action. No one should be in a relationship that helps them to feel consistently bad ever!

So what should you do?

The first step is to see if it’s possible to fix what is helping you to feel bad about yourself when you are with your partner.

Many couples who work with me discover that together over time they have created a dynamic that doesn’t work without knowing, but it doesn’t mean they are not compatible. [Read more...]

Where do our emotions come from and can we control them?

The short answer to this question is we create our emotions and yes we can control them if you want to. I know many of the skeptics will now want proof, so I will do my best to explain in this post.

Whatever you feel, you are the creator of that feeling. No one (thankfully) has the power to get inside our heads and give us our feelings, although some may want to try. If you think people can make you feel certain things then this is for you.

Whatever is happening around us, or to us, does not create our feelings. We have to use our brain to translate what is happening in our world into something that makes sense to us. [Read more...]

If you’re willing to change your thinking you can change your life

If you are not getting results in your life that you want then it’s a great idea to ask why?

The easy route is to put blame on external factors, my partner is not right for me, I don’t have enough money, I’m too fat, too thin, too old.

The challenge with this approach is it changes nothing, it keeps the person stuck and increasingly resentful that life is not what it should be.

This can lead the person to settle that this is just how life is, this makes them vulnerable and so they have to rebalance their world which could lead them to become hard and bitter over time. [Read more...]

If Your Marriage Looks Like It’s Ending What Do You Do?

If one person thinks the marriage is over and the other disagrees, what do you do? This couple from Manchester, Brian and Christine share their personal story of trauma and their courage to discover their truth for their son…

My wife told me out of the blue that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. This came as a complete shock to me. I had known that things weren’t great between us but had just assumed it was one of those patches that every marriage goes through. Clearly my wife felt very differently.

As we have a young child we agreed that we would go and see a couples counsellor – a decision that was pretty disastrous. That counsellor took a difficult and upsetting situation and turned it into something much worse.  The sessions were bleak, depressing and frankly fairly poisonous – they made us both feel awful about ourselves and our relationship and made us believe that there was little hope for us to turn things round.

After several sessions with that counsellor things kind of fell to pieces and I was pretty convinced that we were heading for divorce. [Read more...]

Marriage Tip One: Be Aware That Your Mind Will Grow Whatever You Feed It?

Whatever you feed your mind will come true. You will become what you think most about. This law is universal and in relationships it’s very obvious to see.

Follow the words below and see how you can
relate this to your life and relationship.

When a couple first meets and they share that powerful magnetic attraction for each other. What they are going to be focused on is what’s so great about their new lover.

They can daydream about all the great qualities their new lover has, they feel excited and full of anticipation, the world looks brighter and more exciting and it’s not long before they run around telling their family and friends how amazing their new lover is. [Read more...]

If we split up are we making a mistake?

Who Have I Become?

This is a significant worry that just prolongs the agony of staying in a relationship that feels wrong.

I also see too many people regret their decision to leave their partner, so if you are unsure please find out.

Too many people find that the solution of leaving is very painful so some short term effort could avoid that long-term pain. [Read more...]

Successful Marriages Don’t Just Happen…

Couples with problems all suffer from the same basic challenge. You see if a marriage is to survive then the focus of the individuals has to change.

Take a moment and think about the type of relationship that equals the one that you really want, the one that will fill you up, the one that will help you to feel all those emotions you long for.

Now ask yourself another question, who do I have to be to attract that relationship into my life?

Many people are disappointed with the way their partner behaves. [Read more...]

Cloe Hedger Being the Wife of a Relationship Coach – Simon Cowell & Lifes Journey

Cloe Hedger formally Allison Jordan speaks about her relationship with Simon Cowell. What lead her to being a pop star and her life today with relationship coach Stephen Hedger…

If you have ever had a relationship coaching session with Stephen Hedger, then no doubt you have heard of me in one of his stories. He does tell me that he uses me and our relationship in his sessions and that people are curious about what it’s is like to be the wife of a relationship coach.

So I thought I would introduce myself, tell you a little about my background and a little about being the wife of a relationship coach.

I am pleased to make your acquaintance, my name is Cloe, but I was once called Allison…

There is so much to tell you, there is so much in my past that had a major effect on how I [Read more...]

Why do couples grow apart?

One fundamental reason is this: Women will marry the man she feels he can become, so she expects him to change and grow into that person. Men on the other hand marry the woman he wanted and so he doesn’t expect or want her to change.

This of course is going to create a significant challenge because every day they will be moving further and further apart from each other without knowing the possible expectations.

At the point of relationship breakdown women will explain their disappointment in their partner using words like “he has become someone I don’t recognise”. The men complain “she is negative and nagging” this is not who he married. [Read more...]

The internal fight within us breaks relationships we actually want to keep

I agree that many of you may find some of what I teach to build successful relationships goes against the grain of what you have believed and have been taught historically.

Putting your partner first, not making them wrong, giving love unconditionally can seem impossible but….

…is the challenge you face to protect what you have always done, or is it to discover new ways grow the passion back into your relationship? [Read more...]

This will eventually crush your relationship

As you scan through todays post you will start to notice if this is in your relationship. If it is then please make it your mission to change it because it is one of the fundamental behaviors that create a marriage breakdown.

No matter how your partner is behaving they will have an intent that sits behind what they do or say. If you assume their intent is anything other than good then you will rock their core foundations and they will see you as someone they can’t be with.

If you question someones intent you are questioning their identity.

Anyone that feels they can’t be themselves in the relationship will be suffering or planning an escape. Loving couples don’t want their partner to suffer, so if you want to keep your relationship this is critical to understand.

I urge you to learn about your partner. [Read more...]

How easy love can die yet a simple change can bring it back

For twenty years they lived together, she never felt loved by him, but he loved her with all his heart. He showed his love in so many ways, but she never really felt it.

He gave her everything he could think of, but he knew in his heart whatever he did was never really enough. Even though he knew she was not truly happy inside he could never let her go, because he loved her so much. He hoped she would see what a great man he was and the unspoken problems would go away. [Read more...]