Should you leave your marriage?

If anyone is asking this question then clearly it’s time to start taking action. No one should be in a relationship that helps them to feel consistently bad ever!

So what should you do?

The first step is to see if it’s possible to fix what is helping you to feel bad about yourself when you are with your partner.

Many couples who work with me discover that together over time they have created a dynamic that doesn’t work without knowing, but it doesn’t mean they are not compatible. [Read more...]

Where do our emotions come from and can we control them?

The short answer to this question is we create our emotions and yes we can control them if you want to. I know many of the skeptics will now want proof, so I will do my best to explain in this post.

Whatever you feel, you are the creator of that feeling. No one (thankfully) has the power to get inside our heads and give us our feelings, although some may want to try. If you think people can make you feel certain things then this is for you.

Whatever is happening around us, or to us, does not create our feelings. We have to use our brain to translate what is happening in our world into something that makes sense to us. [Read more...]

If you’re willing to change your thinking you can change your life

If you are not getting results in your life that you want then it’s a great idea to ask why?

The easy route is to put blame on external factors, my partner is not right for me, I don’t have enough money, I’m too fat, too thin, too old.

The challenge with this approach is it changes nothing, it keeps the person stuck and increasingly resentful that life is not what it should be.

This can lead the person to settle that this is just how life is, this makes them vulnerable and so they have to rebalance their world which could lead them to become hard and bitter over time. [Read more...]

If Your Marriage Looks Like It’s Ending What Do You Do?

If one person thinks the marriage is over and the other disagrees, what do you do? This couple from Manchester, Brian and Christine share their personal story of trauma and their courage to discover their truth for their son…

My wife told me out of the blue that she loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. This came as a complete shock to me. I had known that things weren’t great between us but had just assumed it was one of those patches that every marriage goes through. Clearly my wife felt very differently.

As we have a young child we agreed that we would go and see a couples counsellor – a decision that was pretty disastrous. That counsellor took a difficult and upsetting situation and turned it into something much worse.  The sessions were bleak, depressing and frankly fairly poisonous – they made us both feel awful about ourselves and our relationship and made us believe that there was little hope for us to turn things round.

After several sessions with that counsellor things kind of fell to pieces and I was pretty convinced that we were heading for divorce. [Read more...]

Marriage Tip One: Be Aware That Your Mind Will Grow Whatever You Feed It?

Whatever you feed your mind will come true. You will become what you think most about. This law is universal and in relationships it’s very obvious to see.

Follow the words below and see how you can
relate this to your life and relationship.

When a couple first meets and they share that powerful magnetic attraction for each other. What they are going to be focused on is what’s so great about their new lover.

They can daydream about all the great qualities their new lover has, they feel excited and full of anticipation, the world looks brighter and more exciting and it’s not long before they run around telling their family and friends how amazing their new lover is. [Read more...]

If we split up are we making a mistake?

Who Have I Become?

This is a significant worry that just prolongs the agony of staying in a relationship that feels wrong.

I also see too many people regret their decision to leave their partner, so if you are unsure please find out.

Too many people find that the solution of leaving is very painful so some short term effort could avoid that long-term pain. [Read more...]

Successful Marriages Don’t Just Happen…

Couples with problems all suffer from the same basic challenge. You see if a marriage is to survive then the focus of the individuals has to change.

Take a moment and think about the type of relationship that equals the one that you really want, the one that will fill you up, the one that will help you to feel all those emotions you long for.

Now ask yourself another question, who do I have to be to attract that relationship into my life?

Many people are disappointed with the way their partner behaves. [Read more...]

Cloe Hedger Being the Wife of a Relationship Coach – Simon Cowell & Lifes Journey

Cloe Hedger formally Allison Jordan speaks about her relationship with Simon Cowell. What lead her to being a pop star and her life today with relationship coach Stephen Hedger…

If you have ever had a relationship coaching session with Stephen Hedger, then no doubt you have heard of me in one of his stories. He does tell me that he uses me and our relationship in his sessions and that people are curious about what it’s is like to be the wife of a relationship coach.

So I thought I would introduce myself, tell you a little about my background and a little about being the wife of a relationship coach.

I am pleased to make your acquaintance, my name is Cloe, but I was once called Allison…

There is so much to tell you, there is so much in my past that had a major effect on how I [Read more...]

Why do couples grow apart?

One fundamental reason is this: Women will marry the man she feels he can become, so she expects him to change and grow into that person. Men on the other hand marry the woman he wanted and so he doesn’t expect or want her to change.

This of course is going to create a significant challenge because every day they will be moving further and further apart from each other without knowing the possible expectations.

At the point of relationship breakdown women will explain their disappointment in their partner using words like “he has become someone I don’t recognise”. The men complain “she is negative and nagging” this is not who he married. [Read more...]

The internal fight within us breaks relationships we actually want to keep

I agree that many of you may find some of what I teach to build successful relationships goes against the grain of what you have believed and have been taught historically.

Putting your partner first, not making them wrong, giving love unconditionally can seem impossible but….

…is the challenge you face to protect what you have always done, or is it to discover new ways grow the passion back into your relationship? [Read more...]

This will eventually crush your relationship

As you scan through todays post you will start to notice if this is in your relationship. If it is then please make it your mission to change it because it is one of the fundamental behaviors that create a marriage breakdown.

No matter how your partner is behaving they will have an intent that sits behind what they do or say. If you assume their intent is anything other than good then you will rock their core foundations and they will see you as someone they can’t be with.

If you question someones intent you are questioning their identity.

Anyone that feels they can’t be themselves in the relationship will be suffering or planning an escape. Loving couples don’t want their partner to suffer, so if you want to keep your relationship this is critical to understand.

I urge you to learn about your partner. [Read more...]

How easy love can die yet a simple change can bring it back

For twenty years they lived together, she never felt loved by him, but he loved her with all his heart. He showed his love in so many ways, but she never really felt it.

He gave her everything he could think of, but he knew in his heart whatever he did was never really enough. Even though he knew she was not truly happy inside he could never let her go, because he loved her so much. He hoped she would see what a great man he was and the unspoken problems would go away. [Read more...]

How Do You Make Changes With Couples So Quickly?

When couples have experienced problems for a long time they get into patterns of thought and patterns of behaviour within their relationship which to them feels normal.

These patterns can be destructive without the person knowing and so what to them is keeping them safe may actually be destroying their relationship.

My job is to understand and break their patterns from destructive to growth orientated.

Pattern interrupts are the core of what works in all therapies. However their method of how to interrupt a persons habitual thought process/patterns  is varied. Some methods take years some take months some take weeks some happen in one session.

How long a person or couple wants to take to make changes is up to them. Some people want the process to take time, some people like months/years of therapy.

What I wanted and has become my life mission was to find a way to help couples quickly, couples in crisis don’t have much time because their relationship is already on the edge of divorce/break-up.

Award Winning Master family therapists and the top coaches in the world have discovered that significant changes does not have to takes years or months it can actually happen in just a few sessions, sometimes it can happen in just one session.

What they discovered is changing the face of how we help individuals and couples to live happier and more fulfilled lives. They changed how I worked and 80% of couples in my practice make significant changes very quickly.

Of course not all couples fixed their relationships (20% on average don’t get fixed), but the reason were simple, when an individual has no desire to change and their partner is the one that has to change for them to feel ok then the couple will continue to struggle. Also some people either have totally different life goals, or they really just are incompatible. So in some cases separation is the right move.

The core goal is not to fix the relationship at any cost. Happiness and fulfilment has to be the ultimate result, together or apart.

The process to create change is very simple

Firstly the person has to want to make changes. You cannot force a person to want to change.

People are usually focused to make changes when the threshold of pain becomes too much and they feel they have no choice.

Many couples in crisis give up with each other replacing love with resentment and a lack of respect.

When they come for sessions with me I help them understand there is more they can do to rebuild their relationship than they have been aware of.  I help them understand the differences between the sexes the importance of core needs and values. How to grow together and work as a team when problems strike their relationship.

This helps the couple to understand that maybe there is hope because this a new approach that will actually meets their core needs and help them to be successful.

The next step is to interrupt the patterns that have destroyed their relationship and replaced those patterns with something far more appealing that meets their needs at the deepest levels.

For example: A man may be driven by significance. When they argue he feels he is significant when he is always right, this works for him in his career. His intent and desire is to feel important and strong for her. I help him see that trying to win arguments actually makes him insignificant in her eyes because she feels bullied and controlled not loved.

If he was to look after her in the way she really needed then she would stop at nothing to help him feel strong and important as the real man in her life.

Simple changes massive results for them both…

Enough is Enough!

Could today be the day when you say, Enough Is Enough! That day happened to me. I was sat in a marketing  job, bored of trying to help companies sell stuff to people who were really not interested in buying them.

As I day dreamed of a different life, my thoughts usually went to those people who really make a difference in society people like firefighters, nurses, surgeons, soldiers and police officers. For me they are wonderful they really do make an amazing difference and most are so under appreciated. [Read more...]

We all want passionate lasting relationships so why do so many couples struggle?

I want to say that I really do feel for all couples that are struggling to make their relationship work, it is one of the hardest places to be. I know because I too was once in this place, lost, frustrated and angry.

Why could I not make them work for me? I was young and had a lot to learn, in fact the pain was so great that I made understanding relationships my life purpose so I could help others avoid what I had gone through.

Because I know personally the pain that couples go through from my own experiences my biggest pleasure today is helping couples understand their truth. Some couples should not be together, but many are struggling not because they are wrong for each other, but because they are missing some key information. [Read more...]

My Wife is Aggressive what do I do?

If you find yourself in this situation firstly understand there is a really good reason behind it. So understanding what to do will create a significant impact on the relationship.

There are two forms of aggression, one which is verbal the other is phyisical violence. The one we are looking at today is verbal agression only.

If your wife becomes verbally aggressive she is trying to get a message through to you. It has become more aggressive because she feels that you have not understood her and so she is escalating her message hoping you will understand. [Read more...]

We all want passionate lasting relationships so why do so many couples struggle?

I want to say that I really do feel for all couples that are struggling to make their relationship work, it is one of the hardest places to be. I know because I too was once in this place, lost, frustrated, angry why could I not make them work for me?

Because I know personally the pain that couples go through from my own experiences my biggest pleasure today is helping couples understand their truth. Some couple should not be together, but many are struggling not because they are wrong for each other, but because they are missing some key information.

What if just a few things make 80% of the difference for couples. What if all couples could quickly learn those critical steps they could take?

Most couples put so much effort into dating each other and have no idea what works and what doesn’t so they stop doing what works without knowing.

Over the years they practice doing what will ultimately kill their relationship, but they don’t mean to, they don’t know they are doing it.

Couples can assume the wrong things about each other for years.

If couples were really aware of the massive differences between male and female their perspective on their relationship and how they respond to each other would change in an instant.

But of course the differences between the sexes is just a part of the mix for success.

  • Growing from conflict
  • Planning a life together
  • Building lasting trust
  • Meeting each other core needs

All this combined with undoing the myths that society hypnotise us all with, plus one key the key to creating a relationship where you can be truly you.

That key is to understand you and what equals happiness for you. How do you create fulfilment for yourself?

If you knew the key to your relationship with yourself then helping others become successful with you would be so much easier.

These are some of the simple steps that couples can take with me to discover their truth with me.

Your relationship is valuable if what you have done so far has not worked please don’t assume it will sort it’s self out with time. Something has to change and the assumption the relationship is wrong could be the wrong one.

Are you a boiled frog?

Many years ago in my 20’s I was told the story of “The Boiled frog”.

If a frog was put into a pan of cold water and that pan was brought to the boil the frog would just sit in the pan and slowly die. But if you dropped the frog into the boiling water it would jump out immediately rejecting this hostile environment.

[This of course is a metaphor for life, so please don’t do this!]

This story had a profound effect on me. It got me thinking am I a boiled frog? Is my life slowly killing me? Am I staying in a life that doesn’t work, or make me happy? [Read more...]

His OCD is Destroying Our Marriage – She was about to leave him with her new baby!

She walked into my session with the biggest smile, she was ready to learn more about herself. This was a very different version of her that I had met just three weeks earlier, so I was naturally curious about what had changed for her.

Three weeks ago she came to a session with her husband, she told me she was about to leave him. She didn’t want to go, but for her, life with her new baby a 10 month old had become unbearable and this was because of his OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) behaviour. [Read more...]

Releasing The Power That Creates Change in Your Life

Everyone has the power to create change. Change is possible if the person understands how to move from a reactive state of mind to a pro-active state of mind.

Pro-active states will put the person back in control of their life moving them with confidence towards what they want.

A reactive state in contrast will be the person trying to move away from what they don’t want. Unfortunately to move away from what they don’t want they have to be focused on it. This constant focus on the negative aspect of their life keeps the person stuck attached to their fear. [Read more...]