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Could we really be addicted to our emotions good and bad? Is it possible to be addicted to feelings that help us feel awful? Could we be behaving in a way that affects the quality of our life through an addiction we are unaware of? Could emotional responses like running away from problems actually give a person what they need at a chemical level with their body and that’s why they do it?
Then this might interest you… [Read more...]
Anyone suffering from stress will be affecting not only their relationship, but all parts of their life.
When we feel over loaded, or over whelmed we have feelings of stress and it is very damaging to our bodies, to those we love and every aspect of our lives.
Relationships themselves can cause stress, as couples can live together with a range of experiences from not feeling enough, to something is wrong, from not getting what they need to a loss of love. Stress can have explosive results due to obvious situations in relationships such as affairs and gross loss of trust.
Of course many of these factors can be having an impact on one person all at once and overload can start to take hold.
At this point chemicals are released into the persons body and will create the physical symptoms of stress and so idividuals will use coping mechanisms to rebalance how they feel.
To stop the build up of unwanted chemicals, exercise is critical, but more than that by understanding the meanings we are giving to these situations and controlling our thoughts will have a significant impact on when these chemical are released.
100 people will have 100 different reactions to the same situation, so it’s not the situation that is causing the problem it’s the meanings we give them.
Our meanings are created from our experience of our world so far, if you can change the meanings that you create you will change your reaction to potentially stressful events.
Left untreated stress can have significant impact on physical health and can lead to depression and anxiety.
Are you living in a passionless relationship? Do you want to know why it happened and how to change it? Then please read on…
What happens in most relationships is this. After the initial excitement of meeting each other, feeling that rush of you can’t wait to be together and rip each others clothes off, what happens is life start to take over.
Friends, family, work, bills, hobbies and one day you notice that the passion you both had for each other has changed, and where you used to make time available to be with each other now you are lucky to get any kind of real conversation, let alone instinctive red hot passion.
Two things have changed, one is the sexual driving, feel good chemicals that are produced when you first met, and secondly the effort that you both put in that helped to create those chemicals.
So what worked really well when you first met you have chosen to change, probably without noticing, or maybe you just expect the passion to die because everyone says it always does. Maybe that advice is coming from everyone who is making the same mistakes and now everyone is lost and agrees that this is what happens as if it is a fact, when it’s just their experience.
You may have worried that maybe the relationship is not right after all and so you went on a search for more problems and it was not long before you found them, because no matter how good any relationship is there will always be problems.
The truth here is whatever you focused on was what you got. Or in other words what you didn’t focus i.e. each other, on you got far less of.
Your energy will go to where your focus is. So remember when you focused all day on seeing him, or her and all you could see in your mind was how beautiful, or handsome your partner was to you, and the adventure that might unfold on your next date. How you did you feel inside? Amazing of course, but when you focused on potential problems, you then felt terrible and attached that feeling to the relationship or your partner without knowing.
The passion in your relationship has not died you have just forgotten to focus on it, because other stuff became important, or maybe you felt that you had to pull yourself together and be careful incase he or she will not hurt you, or maybe feeling sexual all the time was not right, and that is a rule you never knew you had.
The problem is this, when your focus went to a place of pain you can then attached that pain to your partner or those feeling and so you won’t allow that to happen again. Now you have sabotaged your own passion through your thoughts and a focus of fear which you probably made up.
Remember this, your focus is very powerful and can change you whole future and direction, so be sure that this focus is 100% in line with all you value, and does not come from a place of fear, because this will always hurt you and in the context of passion will kill it dead.
AND… The thing that makes any relationship special is that bond of intimacy that is reserved for just the two of you. Without it you are just friends, and is that what you want?
Eye Patterns: In my last post we looked at discovering who is attracted to you through their eye patterns.
In today’s post I will expand on how the eyes can give away true feelings of attraction.
When we are attracted to people, chemicals within us start to react automatically. If the attraction is really strong the chemicals within us will be preparing us for an encounter of the bedroom variety, this is not a choice, this is automatic.
The secret give-a-way is that if this is happening within someone who is experiencing a high level of attraction to you, then their eyes will become glassy as if they have had been drinking.
This happens because as the sexual organs within us start to prepare us with a rise in our bodily fluids, this increase is also reflected in our eyes and this is the give away.
This could be useful to know on your dates, however remember don’t get confused by dates where drink is involved because, drink will give the impression of this reaction.
In cosmetic terms glassy eyes are more attractive as we are conditioned to respond to them, again this happens all without us knowing.
Imagine now how many messages are being set and picked up by us with out us knowing… Until now!
If you have discovered that the chemistry has gone in your relationship, discover what’s happening and what to do to change it.
People in new relationships experience a powerful natural high where the excitement of a new person they are attracted to drives their hormones so crazy they can’t think straight.
They feel a massive magnetic pull that seems to be out of their control and so they can’t get enough of each other.
So what is really happening? Nature is very smart. There are explosions of feel good, mood changing chemicals are surging into the body from the brain. The individuals both love the feelings these chemicals create and so they attach these feeling to each other.
What the couple don’t know is, it’s the feeling that their own chemicals give them is what they like. Their new partner is simply the trigger.
This excitement about their new partner will change as soon as one person in the couple starts to create a fear, or insecurity about themselves, or they may fear getting emotionally hurt if they get too attached or can see a future they don’t like.
Their body in this fear state now starts to release a very different chemical, and this one does not feel good at all. They then attach this feeling to their partner and this creates a very different mood between them.
This changes their behavior and so now what started at as an attachment of passion and excitement is now an attachment of fear that will drive them away from the relationship. This happens in established relationships too.
If they feel too fearful they will stop calling or become distant. This may result in the rejected party chasing to get them back to that fun place.
The more they chase the further and faster they will run. So if this has happened to you, careful communication is critical.
You need to show you care, but allow them space to get over their fears and come back to you when they are ready. If you try to force someone in a fear state to come back they will only attach more fears to being with you!
The great fun sexual chemistry will come back as soon as they are over the fears they have attached to you being with you.
Once they are over this stage and you have helped and respected their feelings and fears then when they come back your relationship will be much stronger than it was before.
So keep a cool head and give your new date or partner, space and time to want to be with you.
I remember in my early 20′s a girl finished with me and so I sent her flowers and thanked her for the time we had and left it there.
Four weeks later she told me she made a mistake and wanted me back.
She created a fear and then made me responsible for it. You can’t control what others do, but you can control how you conduct yourself and if you are always true to who you really are then you can’t go wrong.
Has it ever occurred to you that relationship problems could be caused by chemicals that affect your brain.
For example if you…
These all have huge affects on our relationships because there is no way we are able to be ourselves.
If your brain is operating at reduced levels how to you think this will affect your behaviours and how will these less than normal behaviours affect your relationship.
Anything that affects the brain will affect your ability to be you. So dehydration, either through not drinking or substances like caffeine will have a huge impact.
If you have stopped learning your brain will slow down, attractive people have lively active minds and they exercise at least 3 times per week.
As humans we are designed to grow and to do this we must look after ourselves. Just like we must look after our relationships and we can’t do that if our brains are unwell because of how we treat them.
STEPHEN HEDGER:
Marriage Adviser & Divorce Prevention Specialist
10 Harley Street London W1G 9PF
"Your skill as a coach is very special. Anyone who has tried traditional counselling and failed (as we had) should definitely try you before throwing in the towel." Read their story
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF
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