When the chemistry goes and relationships change…

Today we are looking at what happens in most relationships and how to avoid doing the same..

Do you remember when you met your partner and how it was for you? How you felt when you thought of them, how you felt just before you saw them, how life suddenly started to feel different and exciting again.

Do you remember what you did? The chances are you actually did very little, the chemical reaction within you created all the drive you needed to want to do all the things that convinced you and your partner to decide that creating a life together would be amazing.

When couples first meet they usually can’t keep their hands off each other and they create the illusion that this is how life will be. This becomes fact within their minds that they are some how unique and problems only happen in other peoples lives.

But then something changes…

The chemical reaction goes, and the motivation stops you doing everything that worked and fear and problems are now not far away. The couple then start hurting each other as they blame the other for the change. Pulling love away as a means to get back to the euphoria they once felt.

The couple that once put so much effort in to giving, have slowly become takers and this strategy never works.

If you give love to receive love then you are “trading in love” and that never feels good.

The answer is to give love regardless of what others do, you do this because this who you are… “A loving person!”

Defining who you are and living by your own rules and consistently and fearlessly becoming who you are is critical for your happiness. This is the real secret to passionate lasting relationships.

If you create an amazing version of you, that lives your life to your highest standards, you instantly become more attractive and happier.

When fear strikes couples, they pull love away, the couple instantly become unattractive to each other, the reverse of what they really want.

When couples come to me for help, usually blaming each other for their problems, one of my key goals is to build their confidence to be fearless in their quest to be who they really are. Not the distorted unhappy version that fitted in, trying to re-balance the relationship to feel happy again, but never sure quite how to fix it.

Becoming who you really want to be takes courage, but when you do, you’ll feel the spark ignite within you, as you start to create the behaviours that first attracted you both.

You cannot point the finger of blame at your partner if you have not been who you really are too. Stop looking for blame today and start looking for new behaviours that create relationships that grow and ignite passion.

  • Too many people claim to be honest, yet they are not honest with themselves about what they have become in their own relationship.

The Chemistry Has Gone Will It Come Back

If you have discovered that the chemistry has gone in your relationship, discover what’s happening and what to do to change it.

People in new relationships experience a powerful natural high where the excitement of a new person they are attracted to drives their hormones so crazy they can’t think straight.

They feel a massive magnetic pull that seems to be out of their control and so they can’t get enough of each other.

So what is really happening? Nature is very smart. There are explosions of feel good, mood changing chemicals are surging into the body from the  brain. The individuals both love the feelings these chemicals create and so they attach these feeling to each other.

What the couple don’t know is, it’s the feeling that their own chemicals give them is what they like. Their new partner is simply the trigger.

Fears stop the feel good chemicals flowing

This excitement about their new partner will change as soon as one person in the couple starts to create a fear, or insecurity about themselves, or they may fear getting emotionally hurt if they get too attached or can see a future they don’t like.

Their body in this fear state now starts to release a very different chemical, and this one does not feel good at all. They then attach this feeling to their partner and this creates a very different mood between them.

This changes their behavior and so now what started at as an attachment of passion and excitement is now an attachment of fear that will drive them away from the relationship. This happens in established relationships too.

If they feel too fearful they will stop calling or become distant. This may result in the rejected party chasing to get them back to that fun place.

The more they chase the further and faster they will run. So if this has happened to you, careful communication is critical.

You need to show you care, but allow them space to get over their fears and come back to you when they are ready. If you try to force someone in a fear state to come back they will only attach more fears to being with you!

The great fun sexual chemistry will come back as soon as they are over the fears they have attached to you being with you.

Once they are over this stage and you have helped and respected their feelings and fears then when they come back your relationship will be much stronger than it was before.

So keep a cool head and give your new date or partner, space and time to want to be with you.

I remember in my early 20′s a girl finished with me and so I sent her flowers and thanked her for the time we had and left it there.

Four weeks later she told me she made a mistake and wanted me back.

She created a fear and then made me responsible for it. You can’t control what others do, but you can control how you conduct yourself and if you are always true to who you really are then you can’t go wrong.

Remember: You will only lose the ones that were never right for you.