Top 10 Reasons Why Your Sex Life Will Die

The most common symptom of a struggling relationship is when the passion/intimacy dies. Sex in a relationship is a powerful barometer of how the relationship is really doing.

Everyone expects the passion to be heightened when they first met, but unfortunately the view is that over time it dies and this view seems to be widely accepted.

The reality is this does not have to be the case, if it has died it has died for a reason and that reason is not time. You both have to consistantly do something for your sex life to stop.

So let’s look at the top ten reasons why your sex life could be on it’s way out…

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His OCD is Destroying Our Marriage – She was about to leave him with her new baby!

She walked into my session with the biggest smile, she was ready to learn more about herself. This was a very different version of her that I had met just three weeks earlier, so I was naturally curious about what had changed for her.

Three weeks ago she came to a session with her husband, she told me she was about to leave him. She didn’t want to go, but for her, life with her new baby a 10 month old had become unbearable and this was because of his OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) behaviour. [Read more...]

Relationships are destroyed because of this one action…

If your relationship is struggling it’s usually because there is a needs issue. The couple feel that their own needs are not being met and so they feel that something is wrong.

For example a man could be complaining that the intimacy has declined. A woman could complain that she has to do everything?

Everyone has their own versions of their needs not being met so when it happens it can cause real problems.

What you can notice is the emphasis is on what THEY are NOT getting. If this goes on for long enough they can stop trusting each other to be the source of happiness. [Read more...]

What do You do When the Passion Dies? Because it will…

Actual coaching session:-

She loved him deeply and he said he loved her, but deep down she was not convinced he did really love her. These feelings were powerful in her and so her relationship with him was driven by this fear in her that she might never be loved by him, he was unaware she felt this way.

This had affected their sex life for years and whilst she knew by blocking their intimacy she was hurting him and the relationship she felt paralyzed too scared to let him near her. The longer it went on the worst it got.

Initially he was upset by this loss of sexual connection, but over time he grew to accept this is the way they were. His love for her was so great he was prepared to give up that part of his life so they could stay together. She was unaware of this intention within him.

What was interesting was now he had resigned himself to a passionless relationship to please her, she was now even more convinced that his lack of desire for her was proof he didn’t care, even though if he did attempt intimacy she would reject him.

He started to believe she was impossible to please and so the arguments escalated out of control until they both couldn’t see how they could have a future together.

With young children this was painful, so whichever way they turned they were met by pain.

With divorce looming they came to see me.

With any couple building trust has to be the first step in creating the foundations for growth. Over a couple of weeks they started to experience a change as they focused on how to build trust through meeting each others core needs.

Very quickly they could see there was now hope for the future.

They were so excited the arguments stopped and they could see a happier family start to emerge.

BUT… there was still a problem…

…whilst they were getting on great she still had fears of him coming near her sexually. He was so used to sex not being present he was fearful of being rejected so they feared the trust would fade if they stayed in this place.

So they came back to learn more…

This time the goal was to discover how to reignite their passion for each other sexually.

I knew that the block in her that stopped her wanting sex with him was through her fear of not believing he loved her, although as yet she had not told him.

Any woman who believed her man doesn’t love her would struggle to connect with herself in the way she needed to. This made her feel unsafe and that combination is highly likely to block her desire to a sexually connection with him.

So I had to help her firstly, build confidence in herself so she could feel safe to give love to him. As she started to understand what she had been doing historically i.e. she was meeting her neededs in low level ways so she could stay safe, she discovered that by withholding love this way she was actually in more danger.

This realisation in her created a desire in her to make changes…

To help clients I name parts of the room “PAST” “NOW” “FUTURE” and get them to stand in those places so they can experience what their lives might be like if their behaviours were different. This is a powerful process and shifts people perceptions very quickly.

She stood at one end of the room that I had called the past. Her “PAST”! We started to explore what life would be like is she continued to withhold love and itimacy and what it would do to her and her family.

She started to cried as she connected to all the pain these behaviours would create. I needed her to feel the pain her destructive behaviours would create so she felt motivated to change to the life she really wanted.

I asked her to imagine what her future would be like if she lived true to who she is, a loving caring wife and mother full of passion for all she wants.

As she visualised what her future could look like she smiled and nodded that this is what she wanted.

I asked her to walk toward this future (different part of the room) and step into her shoes in the future and imagine what it might feel like…

As she stepped into the future she instantly smiled quickly follow by terror! She looked to me for help tears rolling down her face, “I can’t do this! I can’t do this she cried!”…

I took her back to the past (the back of the room) where she felt safe again, visibly she relaxed.

I asked her what had happened… shaking her head she said she didn’t know!

She had now composed herself and so I asked her to step into her future again, she said “I can’t” tears rolling again.

I said, “what will happen if you stay stuck living here in your past?” She looked panicked she could now see she was not safe here either. I reinforced the pain in staying stuck in her past destruction…

Wanting to move away from that pain she tried to walk forward to the future, but she recoiled crying and in frustration she shouted through her tears…

“…in the future he doesn’t love me!”

This was the first time he had heard those words, he looked shocked and confused…

At this point I sent him into her fast!

I instructed him to saturate her with a combination of short masculine commitments of love, and he was to keep going until he broke through.

Crying she pulled away from him, You don’t love me, You don’t love me she kept repeating I asked him to follow her… “You love her, what does a real man do to help his wife in pain” I shouted…

Every time he committed his love to her, she contradicted him and pulled away.

What was happening was she knew she only had one place left where she could feel safe that was that future version of her, but she couldn’t feel safe unless she knew he really loved her.

Eventually, through his persistence of loving her no matter what she threw at him, he broke though her pain!

At that moment they threw their arms around each other both sobbing not wanting to letting go of each other.

Eyes full of tears they both looked at me and smiled.

This is a very powerfully emotional moment for all three of us, all of us with tears in our eyes.

In that moment he became the man for her again and she connected with who she was designed to be, a loving passionate woman, safe to be vulnerable with him again.

Very quickly their intimacy returned.

Every situation is different, but if the polarity is wrong in a relationship the relationship will suffer.

You see the man has to be a man and the woman has to be safe to be a woman connected to the feminine in her for intimacy to stay in a relationship for life.

This is a very different connection from the connection we have when we first meet when the passion is high automatically. This connection is far deeper and will deepen their bond as long as they keep their masculine and feminine energy in the way that works for them.

  • If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to comment below or get in touch privately.

Relationship Lessons: The School Of Hard Knocks!

When relationships go wrong, life is not forgiving at all. Speaking to one of my clients recently I could hear the desperation as he shared his fears. He loves his wife and children with all his heart, but he knew it was possible that he was about to lose them all, plus the house he loved. He then bitterly told me that he could see that he would be working everyday to paying for them all to have a great life without him.

His resentment was huge, so his motivation to put the relationship right became his number one mission.

My concern for him was, is it too little too late for his wife? Most couples come to sessions far to late! Mind you I can’t blame them with the amount of horror stories around about couples counsellors.

  • This is why my service is designed to be very different [Read more...]

How to Make Him Addicted To You?

If you want your man to be addicted to you the first thing you have to do is understand the world from his perspective. To be successful you must understand this first: Men and women behave totally differently in their relationships. So you have to throw away your “Girl rule book” and start to understand “The Guy Rule Book”.

The Truth:
He Doesn’t Understand You! - BUT he wants to…

…actually he really wants to… But beware: If he feels he really can’t please you, he WILL give up! So you have to help him!

If you feel he has given up then understanding “The Guy Rules” will go along way to rebuilding his interest in you!

Let’s face it, no matter how many times you try to speak with your boyfriend or partner you just know he doesn’t really understand you, don’t you?

You may have tried all sorts of ways to get his attention, but it’s like he doesn’t care. Now when you look back at when you first met, you may feel sad because it wasn’t always that way was it?

Do you remember the days when you first started seeing each other? Do you remember how addicted he was to you back then?

Most women and men expect the relationship to change and the excitement to die as the years pass. Women usually put the early drive in their men down to his desire to have sex with them.

Whilst there is some truth in this, it is only a fraction of what really drives his addiction.

So what is more powerful than sex to help a man become addicted to you?

I know what you really want is for him to understanding you, but for this to be possible start today, by being the example for him and really get to know him. Do not get to know him from your own perspective get to know him from his – this is critical!

You see he has very different needs from you and so if you use your girl model of what feels good you will be getting it wrong and this could cause him frustration.

The Goal: What you want is for him to feel good about himself
when he is with you.

He will then associate great feeling to being with you and he will feel addicted again, just like when you first met.

To understand this you need to understand what drives him in a relationship, of course all men are different, but there are some key areas which 99% of men are driven by so this is a great area to focus on.

The rules that will addict a man to a woman

  1. Rule One: The most amazing feeling for a man is when he pleases the woman he loves. A smile on her face is like pure magic to him. What he wants and is looking for is how to be successful with her. If he starts to feel she is always unhappy with him, the unbearable feeling of not being enough for her can worry him. He can start to feel a failure and this can become overwhelming. Not wanting to feel this way he removes himself from the relationship and goes to where he feels good about himself again. This could be work, friends, hobbies even other females.
  2. Rule Two: Men have an overwhelming desire to fix problems and provide solutions. When he is confident he can fix her problems, or prove to her he has done a great job this makes him feel amazing about himself. Give him stuff to fix he will love to prove he can do anything.
  3. Rule Three: Of course he loves sex too, but the above is far more important. To him a sexual connecting is one of his primary ways of expressing love. Plus if she is open to intimacy with him then he must have done something right.
  4. Rule Four: Freedom is also a key value for men never try to cage him!

Now you know a few key drivers for him, the goal is for YOU to help him to feel the above as often as possible, so he can attach all his great feelings to you.

This is what you want. Punish him for doing you a wrong, and he will get frustrated, shout and defend. Keep doing it he will shut down and run to where he does feel successful. Punish him too many times and he may shut down for good. [Of course couples that come for one-on-one session learn with me how to do this and grow their relationship meet both their needs at the point of conflict. BUT without that key knowledge, know that punishment doesn’t work... EVER!]

So…if he starts to feel great about himself when he is with you, he starts to create a future in his mind that equals him being successful with you, this is what he wants more than anything.

Remember: Not pleasing you is hell for him!

Now I know he is not perfect and maybe when you are feeling troubled he tries to help you by fixing stuff that does not need fixing. You get upset and he gets more frustrated. Understand firstly that his intention is good even if what he does doesn’t work.

So the answer is to help him so he can help you.

Tell him what you need when you feel fearful or not safe. Tell him that your cross words at him are just you letting off steam and the best thing he can do is reassure you and give you love. Ask him to focus on the pain you are feeling and not the words.

You see he is conditioned to listen to every word you say and take it 100% seriously and hold on to it. Sometimes when you get really angry with him you say things you don’t mean, sadly men think you do mean those words and they take your pain and feel pain themselves, thus making it all about them. This is destructive for the relationship!

If you want your man to be addicted to you, then understand what you want him to feel when he is around you. Remember whatever he feels consistently he will attach to you so be careful.

Hope you have found this useful, are you now interested to learn more?

If you have read this far then clearly you too are passionate about your relationship.

I have created a FREE ONLINE RELATIONSHIP COURSE. For seven days you will receive more advice on how to successfully build a lasting passionate relationship.

  • Thank you for reading and please free to sign-up below to claim your copy.

Don’t forget to share this with your friends…

How to mend a broken heart?

Those suffering from relationship heart break will experience emotional and physical pain through the trauma of losing someone they loved, through them leaving and chosing a new life.  The victims will run questions over and over in their minds searching for a solution to their pain.

Why did it happen, What did I do wrong? How could they do this to me? They promised to be with me forever? How could I have not noticed? I must be a failure? I’m a bad partner? He or she tricked me? How could I be so stupid? I should have done more….! This list of torment goes on and on.

Individuals get taken over with feelings ranging from worthlessness to anger, from humiliation to feeling unlovable from abandonment, rejection to deep depression and some to suicidal thoughts.

Both men and women can have a desire more emotionally powerful than almost any other to find away to get their partner back.

Some know that getting their partner back is impossible, or they have no desire to go down that road again, however they still have feelings of love for them yet no where to put those feelings.

Some just feel stuck not knowing what they want all they know is they are experiencing a hurt they never want to experience again.

So how do you heal a broken heart?

How to you mend the heart of someone who is in so much pain? Some just get active, they make life changes, some block their emotions, some get another partner fast.

What I find that works best is understanding the truth, or getting as close as we can to it.

The purpose is to put the person back in control of their life and their emotions. The experiencing feeling out of control and this is very frightening and if not understood can emotionally block that person for years to come.

Once the person has understood their role in their relationship break up then the job is to build their confidence in themselves by teaching them how they work and how they can take control of themselves and their future lives.

This process is very powerful because they not only understand how they work but they understand what to look for in future partners.

They learn how to communicate with themselves in new ways and this empowers them to see the world and how others behave in new ways.

A broken heart can be mended and the person can learn the right way to heal themselves step-by-step.

No one is out of control they just feel they are because life, parents and society has not taught them how. This doesn’t mean it’s not possible it means that education is needed.

Sexual Problems: Number one reason why couples decide to separate and divorce

Loss of passion, loss of desire, loss of attraction. Relationships do not work well when intimacy goes. The relationship becomes vulnerable because sexual attraction is one of the key elements in a loving relationship.

If your relationship is suffering and your intimacy has died this cannot be ignored because this can cause real problems.

This lack of sexual connection can create, resentment and a lack of respect for each other

Without the sexual intimacy the couple becomes friends at best, so this really has to change if there is a desire to get the relationship back on track.

The sexual problems that most couples face are not medical, they are based on fears and control. Both men and women can choose to withhold sexual intimacy in their quest to control the power in the relationship.

Of course this never works whilst they might win the sexual battle, the war against the fears is being lost, because the fear that drove them to control is likely to come true.

Withholding love of any kind to control gain power, or punish your partner never works and will lead to relationship disaster separation or divorce.

Some people will lose interest in sex with their partner due to a lack of their core needs not being met.

It’s very common for a female to lose desire, or attraction for her partner if she feels uncertain when she looks at what her future will look like with him. It’s very common for men to lose interest if they feel they can never please their partners.

Can sexual intimacy be reignited?

Yes of course, once the reasons behind the fears, or the withholding are understood they can then form part of the solution for that couple.

DO NOT BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE
SAND WITH THIS ONE:

How To Save My Marriage

If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship and you want to know the steps to saving your marriage then this is a good first step towards a solution for you. This is a fundamental step and foundational to the success of any relationship.

If your marriage has been in decline then you partner has been attaching feelings to you which result in them feeling bad about themselves when they are around you. If this carries on for too long their logical solution will be to remove you or themselves.

BTW: They don’t choose to do this, it is automatic at a behaviour level.

The good news is the process of attaching “good feelings” to you is automatic for them too.

So if you take steps to help your partner feel good then over time those great feelings will start to feel solid and they will then attach more and more great feelings back to you.

But my partner has been horrible why should I reward it this way?

This is a common response to my advice above. If your partner has been behaving poorly then it’s likely to be a cry for help rather than a desire to hurt you. Men and women can shut down when they feel that their relationship is impossible to fix. Couples can test each other with destructive words. What is considered to be hurtful behaviour can actually be a desire to wake their partner up to listen to the pain they feel.

The challenge is that men and women communicate totally differently. Which on it’s own is a big topic so know this if you are judging your partners behaviour, know quickly, you are not qualified.

Many people feel qualified to judge their partners and through that judgement they decide their partner has done wrong. They are now likely to punish them in some way.

Punishment does not create more love, all it does is help your partner automatically attach bad feelings to you. So if you punish you start to kill your own relationship. Some people feel they have been punished for years and without warning just leave the relationship to the shock and horror of their partner.

How to grow your marriage…

If your relationship is dying and you want to keep it, work out what great feelings you want your partner to feel and them help them feel that way.

If you want an amazing relationship then you have to become amazing and be the example, after all your partner may just be lost and fearful. Plus there are no relationship schools so a lack of education may not be your partners fault and they might be doing their best with what they know, i.e. what their parents taught them and the chances of their parents being lost with relationships too, are very high.

The Biggest Rule Break in Relationships

Before I share this rule break, I want to say that those that do it have no idea that it’s causing them so much pain. To them this behaviour is normal and is how the world works. The belief that what they do is normal is a real challenge and one they have to undo to ever have a chance of creating a relationship that works to meeting the relationship rules.

If they don’t change this behaviour they will never get the real love they desire

  • The biggest rule break is this: If I give to you, what do I get back? Or put another way trading for what you want!

This behaviour is fundamentally the desire to trade for what they want/need. So they will trade for love, for security, for significance even for sex.

This is the “… if I do this for you what will you do for me?”  This behaviour really causes so many problems, because this trade is all about “me” and therefore selfish and immature. So a person who gives their partner presents, time, or love could be expecting something in return, and when they don’t get back what they think they should, they become cross with their partner’s ungrateful selfish behaviour.

If a partner gives because he or she wanted their partner to feel good because he or she loves them and the intention is just to want them to feel wonderful about themselves, then this act moves them to attach wonderful feeling to this selfless act.

Unfortunately many men and women are setting up many trades every day to get their needs met in their relationship. The problem happens when their partner is unaware of the expectation of the trade. E.G. If I give you flowers will you give me sex or love. Now what happens is the person who created the trade gets cross that the trade has not been fair, even though the receiver had no idea that any expectation was there.

So think about this, if you are going to trade in your relationship why not be honest about it? Why not tell your partner you want to trade with them? Why not tell them that the trade you want is you want something in return. E.G If you give them flowers what you want in return is sex.

THE REASON YOU DON’T IS BECAUSE ITS MANIPULATING AND CONTROLLING! You’re more likely to get a slap…

You can’t buy love, or sex from your partner, a relationship is not a trade, as soon as it becomes one watch your passion and relationship die.

So the question I now receive is, “…so how do I get what I want?”

The way to get what you want is to create an adult relationship, and come out of the child model of taking. A loving adult relationship is not about you, it is about your desire to want to help your partner to be happy, to give them what they need and expecting nothing in return. Yes I did say that!

You do this because you are a loving person by definition. NOT someone who pulls love away because the trade is not fair.

You see this relationship rule of giving because you love your partner when done with zero expectation is so loving and selfless that it moves your partner so emotionally that if done consistently their desire to want to do the same will feel natural within them.

  • Now the question is who goes first? Honestly – It’s the one who grows up first!

Spend some time now thinking about the trades you are aware of in your relationship today. What does your partner trade for? What do you trade for? If you do anything with a expectation of something in return you are trading and it’s hurting you both.

You create your own experience

From children we are taught certain skills which are designed to hamper our progress through life? Not only does what we get taught cause us emotional problems, but it also magnifies problems in our relationships.

If you are unaware you can control these behaviours and emotions, what happens is the world becomes difficult to deal with and it can feel that the world, or others are always against you.

The result can be a overly negative view on the world, maybe you just don’t feel lucky and others seem to get it all, whilst you are left with what’s left. Maybe you feel that to get what you want you always have to fight, or maybe life has to be hard for you to be successful.

Whatever your experience you are probably trained to live in reaction to the world you live in. What this does is focus you on what’s wrong and when you do that search within you, it’s very easy to find a lot of things that are wrong either with the world, or your life.

Plus when you focus on what’s wrong and you start to condition yourself to see the world negatively, this automatically puts you in a poor state of mind and this will stunt your growth. This is why people get stuck in poverty, or relationships that don’t work.

Now what happens is because there is no growth in your life, more bad stuff happens to you, because you are not in the right place emotionally to give yourself what you need.

The irony is this, it takes just as much effort to look for what’s right as it does to look for what’s wrong, but the result will be a world of difference.

Those people who are successful in all aspect of their life are not just lucky, they created their own luck through a focus on what will give them the life they desire. From this place they create great questions, that creates answers that lead them to actions that give them a better opportunity/chance to get what they desire.

So if you want to experience a great life you have to create an experience that leads you to what you want.

That experience is based on how you focused your mind and your desire / motivation to make it happen.

So if you take responsibility for how you experience the world this put you back in control of what happens to YOU. You no longer have to please others to get what you need, you no longer have watch as other get what they want from the world. You no longer have see life as against you. YOU can take part right now!

What happens is you TAKE BACK CONTROL and create experiences every day that will give you the right state to ask the right questions. Look at the difference below and think about what you do, especially in part of your life that are not working.

  • Why am I so poor? Leads you to hopelessness.
  • How do I create wealth? Leads you to education and understanding the rules of money and wealth.
  • Why is my relationship so awful? Leads you to blame.
  • How can I get my relationship back on track? Leads you to education and a desire to do more.

What men don’t know about women!

This a message to all the men wanting to be more successful with your partners. What would you experience within you if you knew you could be successful with her and help her to feel wonderful inside and attach those feelings to you. Plus to do this you don’t have to say a word.

A big discovery for men in my sessions is what works with their partners that their were totally unaware of.

Presence for a woman is critical and the best way to get present with her through her eyes. If she can see that you are totally present with her through eye-to-eye contact and whilst you are doing that you are feeling a powerful masculine love for her within you. She will sence that energy from you and if it is genuine she will in the moment feel safe to connect with her feminine self.

She may feel a little fearful if this is the first time you have done this as she may not feel sure that she is safe with you in this way. If she will not connect with you eye to eye keep going until she feels safe. Very often couples with problems will experience the female has little to no desire to connect this way with her partner, because the trust has gone.

This is the start of the process that is powerful to help any couple learn how to deal with conflict differently, but also how to help each other create the right polarity in their relationship.

Couple with problems can have a reversed polarity that helps them to feel wrong inside, but they use this reverse polarity to gain strength and keen themselves safe.

So to all my male readers, your partner will want attention all the time from you, so getting present with her this way and allowing her to speak whilst you just listen will be a massive first step with reconnecting you in a very powerful way.

Be True To YOU… gain freedom, peace, confidence, strength and love…

If you want a life that’s happy and rich full of all you desire then being true to you and what you believe in is critical.

The question now is who are YOU?

  • Do you know what you believe in?
  • Do you know your core needs both for yourself and in a relationship?
  • Do you know how to communicate your needs to your partner?
  • Do you know what is important to you and why it is?
  • Do you know how to translate negative feelings in to questions that create growth in you and those you love?
  • Do you know how to give you, what is important to you?

A man or woman who is being true to who they are understand all of the above and with a passion have decided to no longer live in reaction to the world, they have chosen to become who they are designed to be. They have chosen to behave true to their own beliefs. [Read more...]

Why Do Relationships Go Wrong?

When we are ready for a committed relationship the decision of who to choose to spend our life with is a critical one. After all the usually intention is to meet and live with someone for the rest of our lives.

So with the only life you have, I expect choosing that partner is going to be one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. Bigger than your career, money, houses, cars etc. We can all get new jobs, more money, but where can you get true LOVE. Loss of love is far more painful than any other life experience, I know because I see the truth in my sessions every day.

So if it is the most important part of our time on earth then understanding how relationships work would be top of the list. Sadly this is not the case and the result is so painful and costly on many levels.

Of course for the most, the desire to have this understanding of how relationships work is at the bottom of the list especially at the start of a relationship. A desire to understand why things are going wrong only starts to creep to the top of the list when things start to go wrong, which of course they alway do.

When couples get to the point of things going wrong consistently they are discovering what they are doing is not working, but they keep doing it in the vain hope their partner will learn, understand and listen… but of course they don’t. Many even bury their heads in the sand hoping for a better day.

Some try everything they can think of, assuming that’s all they can do, of course they are wrong, but they don’t know they are wrong. Their knowledge is limited and this is going to cost them more than they know.

At the point a relationship starts to go wrong it is critical to know what to do. It is at that point the relationship either grows or dies. It dies a little each time the couple get it wrong, resentment starts to build and before long the individual(s) lose respect for the relationship.

Of course if any person in a relationship starts to feel that life starts to feel wrong then they could start to feel that the relationship is wrong for them and planning a secret escape route is very possible.

I know many relationships and families can be saved, but the couple have to want to save their relationship, or at least be open minded that just maybe what they know today is not enough to save the relationship, and maybe they don’t know enough to keep a relationship alive.

Education is the key to building successful, lasting and passionate relationships.

Find out what you don’t know today, it could just save your relationship and your family. For a call back request

Why Do Men Cheat?

One of my clients runs a blog and she has asked this question: Why do men cheat?

Yes of course she is very aware that women cheat too, but I thought I would shed some light from my perspective as I see this every week in my sessions.

  • To make my position crystal clear: There are never any circumstances where having an affair is the right thing to do.

However the ability to judge those that do is impossible, because there are so many reasons why people do it. The assumption is the person having the affair is a dreadful person, it’s not alway as cut and dried as you would think.

My biggest message to all couples is this: [Read more...]

Which Choices Will Create The Life You Want?

The life and relationships you have today is the result of the choices you have made from the moment you were born. What you think, how you think, the meanings you give what you think. Your thoughts and what they mean, create choices that are specific and unique to you and will help you to feel good or bad.

Some people think and get rich, some people think and have great relationships, some people just don’t think about what matters yet complain that the world is unfair.

What you think creates your choices and thus your results

If you think about it every step of the way you have been making choices from your childhood through to your adult life today. Every result that you have today and in the past has been created based on a series of choices you made, good and bad.

These choices create the habits and these habits create the life you have right now! [Read more...]

“I had become a walking corpse…”

Anna had a very simple goal she just wanted to be loved. A traumatic history combined with an unexpected break-up 2.5 years ago had paralysed Anna and almost frozen her in time. After an initial telephone consultation I knew I had to act fast. She came to see me 3 weeks ago. She had one session with me and we have been in contact over email one / twice a week.

Anna writes: My update since I first saw Stephen 3 weeks ago:

I decided to contact Stephen after yet another lonely weekend, a weekend working rather then going out. Working had become my safety blanket, running away from my sadness and disappointment that had left me disabled and destroyed 2.5 years ago.

The man I had loved with all my heart and I thought would be my husband had left me 2.5 years before after 5 (what I though happy) years for a married woman and he dumped me via a phone call, citing not wanting to have children with me as the major reason. Yet the woman he left me for had two children, not to mention that she was still married.

This sudden and traumatic breakup had caused my world to come crashing down around and me and everything I had believed in. I had been a walking corpse for the past 2.5 years, existing, drowning myself in work 24/7 to escape the tears, blind rage, all consuming anger and disabling anxiety that were always on stand by and ready to flow/come out if I had a spare minute. [Read more...]

How Many Sessions Will I Need To Have?

This is one of the most frequent questions I get asked, this is where the concern in the mind of the individual is usually a concern of time or money.

Both of which are valuable to us all…

The usual amount of sessions to get desired results is between 4 – 12 sessions. I been know to sort a problem in one session, but because the clients is not confident with the speed of their change they carry on coming. I see a lot of clients quickly because I know people have busy lives and months of weekly sessions is not ideal, especially when your relationship is on the line.

If I do see clients for longer this is because their crisis problems are sorted and what they want is help with planning their future.
99% of my clients make the necessary changes within 4-12 sessions that time, there are some clients which go slightly over… [Read more...]

Emotional intelligence the key to happiness

If you desire happiness and fulfillment in your life, what is it, that will really create the difference for you?

The starting point is this: If you do not understanding how you work prepare yourself for pain. If you want a relationship and you don’t understand how you work prepare yourself for massive pain.

  • Why do you think the way you do?
  • Why do you behave the way you do?
  • Why do the same things create different reactions on different days for you?

The biggest problem most people face and I see this in all my sessions is my clients are under the illusion that what they think is true, or a fact.

I can tell you now that most of what you think and feel is due to conditioning from society, and this conditioning has hypnotised people how to think and behave. [Read more...]

What will make your partner want to leave you?

In short your partner will have a desire to leave if they cannot see a future with you, or the future they can see is one they fear having.

Of course what they are experiencing is a perception of what might be, but to them it feels real and so taking how they feel seriously is important.

When someone in a relationship goes for prolonged periods of not feeling good about themselves in the context of their relationship they have to find ways in which they can feel happy.

What the relationship experiences is where it used to fulfill the needs of the individuals it no longer does and so the individuals start to look outside of the relationship to feel good again.

Woman may go to friends, children or parents to feel important or secure. Men might work longer hours to gain the same security.

The couple can start to resent the areas of their partners life that have taken their place.

If this goes on for too long the next stage is fear for their future as resentment starts to settle in. As life becomes more difficult for the couple and harmony has left the relationship, both people can start to meet their needs in way that contradicts what in normal life they would class as bad behaviour.

They start to behave in ways that are the total opposite of what they really believe in. In these places activities such as affairs become a real possibility.

What’s key to understand is as soon as anyone in a relationship is not having their critical needs met they will have no choice but to go elsewhere to get them met. This is not choice it is a critical human need. You maybe thinking that sex is the driver, but in many cases it’s a need to feel important, loved, secure or maybe just to have adventure where the relationship is stale.

So unless you know what your partner needs how can you help them meet them. If you don’t know what you need how can your help your partner be successful with you.

Many couples fall into this trap, they have no idea how to communicate what they really need and so the relationship is basically a ticking bomb.

It will end up either over, or passionless… Do you understand your partners needs?