Relationship Advice: Reverse Polarity

Reverse polarity is a when a couple finds themselves in a relationship where the woman is the strong, driving force, more masculine than feminine. The man is usually more feminine in his approach in the relationship maybe wanting a quiet life and just going with the flow even if he does not want to.

What seems strange is at work however he could be strong and respected he could even be a leader on some level. The woman could also connect with her feminine side with friends and children. So day-to-day life does actually bring out their true polarity yet in their relationship they switch back.

Lots of relationships work this way and no one is qualified to judge them, couples that live this way and are happy have no need or desire to change for them it works.

The problem arises when one, or both people in the relationship are not happy, but don’t know why. Reverse Polarity could be the cause, because the what the individuals in the couple really want is to be more of the gender they are designed to be, consciously this will not stand out as the problem and so the problems will present themselves in different ways.

The woman may complain at the man about day-to-day stuff, the man will shut down or remove himself in some way this create a bigger gap between the couple as she becomes stronger to cope and he becomes more beaten knowing he can never please her.

For example: A woman can resent her partner for not being the man in the relationship. She wants desperately to connect with that vulnerable, soft version of herself. But the thought of doing so scares her, because she has a fear that she will not be safe if she does. She needs that masculine strength and power to cope with life. At some point in her life she learnt this.

She could have come from a divorced family or she may have created the masculine versions in past relationships to cope with being mistreated or her current relationship could have created this tough version of her.

He has also learnt his behaviours either from a dominant mother or maybe a string of relationships where he felt he could never please his partners and so he gave up. He will have a burning desire to please his partner, but will find he never can and so he gives up.

Couples that first meet in this place have a huge connection and a passionate chemistry because the reverse polarity creates a unique attraction for them. BUT, it is usually not long before one of them goes to a place of fear, because something does not feel right and they either split-up quickly, or distort themselves to cope with their relationships.

They create a relationship that is one big compromise, never really connecting with who they are, but too scared leave the relationship. In a strange way this for them becomes home and it’s likely eventually to be devoid of all passion.

Like brother and sister, but also not… She might say to friends… “ I have him well trained” and he will have lost his spark seemingly going through the motions, maybe using disrespectful humor to cope with his dominant partner.

It becomes a strange mix of a lack of respect with no desire to be apart for those who hit the “wall” and decide to stay and accept that this is good enough, better the devil you know.

Do you wish your man could be the man in your relationship and keep you safe, and love you no matter what. Or are you a man that has lost his masculine energy and you feel that whatever you do you cannot please her.

If this is you I can help…

2011 Can Be Your Year – But You Have To Want It?

I mean you have to really want it. Not just talk about it. You have to be willing to take massive actions fearlessly. If you have not got what you want today, ask yourself why? Is it lack of focus? Do you fear something? Do you not know what to do? Whatever is blocking you has to be overcome…

…or this year will be the same as last year.

If you are focusing on what you want for you this year my advice would be.

  • 1. Make your goals crystal clear
  • 2. Understand why you want them
  • 3. Get laser focused on the steps needed to achieve the goals
  • 4.  And most of all, get focused on RESULTS!

The rules of life are simple, what you focus on is what you’ll get. So don’t focus on what you don’t want, focus on what you do.

Many people never achieve what they really want because they are scared that they won’t get it, or they won’t be enough in some way.

So their fears focus them on not having what they want. This results in them focusing not only on not getting what they want, but also on taking little or no action towards it.

Little action gets little to no results, and so they have proof that they will never have it.

Is this what you will do? Are you going to set yourself up to fail every day?

Everyone has the freedom and the right to have what they want, and you are no different.

Relationships, Wealth, Adventure, Toys, Friends, Family, Spirituality, Health

Whatever your focus is this year, go and get it. Plan it now and above all make your goals your passion, do something everyday to make what you say is important to you come true.

You are designed to grow to contribute to yourself and others. You are designed to be amazing, you are amazing you just have not yet realised how amazing you are.

The wonders of this world are not designed just for others, they are for you, all you have to do is stop fighting the world go with the flow of how sucess works and create the patterns in you, that will give you all you desire.

The key to all this is to break old patterns of behaviour.

Create new empowering patterns that will help you to be the person you want to be in the life that you want to live.

The question now is how? What do you feel you have to do right now to get the ball rolling?

Next Year Has To Be Better

As we end another year and head into 2011. I have a question for you? What will make the difference for you? If you could change just 3 things what would you change and why?

What would make the biggest difference in your life if just 3 things were to be just the way you want them to be? Take a moment to reflect on what changes you really want to make.

Most people start a new year with a resolution or two that quickly fade mainly because what they promise to themselves they don’t want enough.

If you really want to make changes in your life;

  • What change do you need to make?
  • Is the change possible?
  • How will you know if the change has happened?
  • Why do you need to make the change?
  • If you make the change what will you get?
  • If you make the change what will you lose?
  • Do you have the resources to make the change possible?
  • If not when will you get the resources to enable the change?
  • If you don’t make the changes how will your life be in 1, 2 or 5 years time?

Give yourself good enough reasons to make changes happen and you will get all you desire.

Never settle for a mediocre life, a life rich with all you desire can be yours, all you have to do is be fearless in your quest to attract all that life has waiting for you.

What you get is up to you!

What You Focus On Is What You’ll Get

This includes the things you don’t want. Most people are not aware of this, and sabotage themselves in their quest to achieve the life and relationship they desire most.

If you have ever purchased a new car, did you suddenly notice the world was full of people driving a car just like yours? Or maybe you were expecting a child, did you notice how the world was suddenly full of pregnant women?

Did you ever wonder why this was happening and the meaning, or clue this could be for you and how you work?

Have you noticed that people who are having affairs ironically find trusting partners difficult. Or people who focus on their lack of money always seem to stay poor. Or the person that fears being abandoned, or rejected becomes so fearful they create the very thing they fear most.

Or maybe the person who thinks life is hard, or life has to be a fight, will always have to fight or find life hard before they get just a bit of what they need.

Your mind is powerful…

The mind is powerful beyond belief, and if you give it an instruction it will obey. Here is the key, if you focus your mind on what you don’t want, it will give it to you.

For example if I ask you to not think of an elephant, your mind has to be directed to the very thing you don’t want to focus on to then obey and delete it.

The key to success in life and relationships is move towards what you want, NEVER move away from what you don’t.

This is rubbish..!?

Many people will now claim this is rubbish because they have focused on wanting lots of money, yet they still have none. What these people fail to realise is they have not focused on the gifts they have been given to learn and understand how to make the money they desire by making themselves more valuable to those that have the money they want.

Some people will claim to have poor relationships and blame their partner. Yet they fail to notice how they focus everyday on pulling their love away to punish their partner, so their partner follows and pulls love away too.

So you see with the right focus you can win, or loose it not what you say it’s how you say to yourself that makes the difference.

Now have a think what do you not want in your life. If you have what you don’t want, that will be because you have focused on it so much you have contributed to it happening through your fear and your focus on they very thing you don’t want.

Many clients come to me stuck, too afraid to take their eyes off what they fear.

These people will not change until either they change their focus or life becomes so bad that change is their only option.

Take control of your mind and watch how the world changes, and starts to give you what you ask for.

  • If you are interested to learn more about this please request more information click here.

Classic Relationship Goal For Success

If we want to be successful in our relationships, what goals do we need to focus on?

This answer is really very simple, your goal is to help your partner feel great about themselves in the context of you.

This is a very simple principal.

If your partner feels bad about themselves when they are around you, what happens is they attach those bad feeling to you and they then have to fight a need to get away from you.

If you help them to feel worse then they start to loose the will to fight and now they have a desire to run away from you.

Help your partner feel amazing, valued, loved, secure, significant by constantly giving them all then need and watch your relationship transform.

You did this when you were dating it worked then, so have a think, you stopped practicing this and now the relationships not as good as it was back then.

After all you say you love them so why not, put actions to your words and prove it’s true.

Does Relationship Coaching Work?

Does Relationship Coaching Work? This is question I get asked by many new callers who are interested in coming to coaching sessions with me.

It’s an interesting question because there are many factors involved in the successful outcome of the sessions.

The process that creates the change

  • The first is my total commitment to making change happen for my clients.
  • Someone who does want change to happen, but fears the change, will need a really good reason to making that shift and so leverage is required through understanding the real cost of not changing, whilst moving them towards something far more attractive.
  • The client also has to practice what the sessions teach, so an equal commitment to applying what you learn is also critical to help you change. Whilst the coaching is accelerated learning for the mind, the client has to reinforce the sessions with constructive behaviours taught in the sessions to undo destructive behaviours potentially practised for years.
  • The clients who come to the session and don’t practice what they are taught take longer to change.
  • The clients who are totally committed to changing their lives apply all they learn in the sessions and so shift their perspectives and lives really fast.

Are you ready to change and commit to you?

Any client can make a change really fast, what takes the time is the deciding if it’s really safe to make the change they desire.

Coaching is designed to help the client(s) see their path way to a change, understand the cost of not changing and help them experience what will happen if they set themselves free from their fears. Coaching also helps people experience their fears differently so the fears have a massively reduced impact.

  • Coaching is powerful, emotional, challenging and sometimes confusing as new perspectives on life are built. You will discover more about you than you ever knew before. You’ll discover how you work and how to get the best out of you and those around you.

Coaching pulls no punches because it tells you the truth, but it also supports you every step of the way to a far stronger you, freeing from your own fears.

Still not sure?

For those of you still wondering if you are ready to make the change you know you need to make. Your fears today are an outdated  illusion, they were set-up by your mind to protect you from something in your past, but they are now outdated and instead of rebalancing your life they will only limit you, that’s why you are unhappy today always feeling that something is wrong.

  • Deep inside you, you know that’s true!

I have seen clients who have lived with outdated fear patterns for 50+ years who are now rebuilding their lives and living the life they were born to live, minus the distorted view on their world driven by their fears.

The Perfect Partner

Have you always dreamed of being with the perfect partner?

The person that is 1000% committed to you only. A person who is committed to serving you everyday to ensure that all your needs are met, and that you are on a journey to be the person you have always wanted to be and they support you on that journey through your life together.

A partner that works with you every day to grow your relationship to be one where unconditional love exists. Where you receive so much that is critical for you to feel happy, that you never have to take and you are accepted just the way you are.

A person who helps you to feel secure that no matter what happens you will always be together, united against the whole world if you need to be.

  • A person who never makes you wrong, and is never your judge.
  • A person who makes you feel like the most important person in the world all the time in all situations.
  • A person who shows you unconditional love regardless of what you do to them.

A person who is committed to give your relationship a purpose and grow your relationship to be one filled with all you desire from emotional to physical needs.

Someone who makes your life fun, and provides you with a life full of the adventure, passion and excitement.

Your perfect partner is one that gives and gives, and never asks for anything in return and they do this because they love you beyond words.

Does this sound like someone you would like to be with?

If when you read this it sounds like the relationship you want to have, then I will show you how to get it no matter if you are married or dating… here goes…

  • The answer is simple, be this person yourself first.

You have to be the perfect partner before you will ever attract a person that is capable of being this for you. If you are in a committed relationship already you have to show your current partner how to give you what you want through example, do this and they will follow your lead without even realising.

Be the example that equals perfection to you.

In other words if you desire a higher standard of relationship from your partner, be sure that you meet that standard yourself first.

Until you do this your relationship will always be less than what you really want.

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Eye Patterns – Body Language Of Desire

Eye Patterns: In my last post we looked at discovering who is attracted to you through their eye patterns.

In today’s post I will expand on how the eyes can give away true feelings of attraction.

The eyes never lie…

When we are attracted to people, chemicals within us start to react automatically. If the attraction is really  strong the chemicals within us will be preparing us for an encounter of the bedroom variety, this is not a choice, this is automatic.

The secret give-a-way is that if this is happening within someone who is experiencing a high level of attraction to you, then their eyes will become glassy as if they have had been drinking.

This happens because as the sexual organs within us start to prepare us with a rise in our bodily fluids, this increase is also reflected in our eyes and this is the give away.

This could be useful to know on your dates, however remember don’t get confused by dates where drink is involved because, drink will give the impression of this reaction.

In cosmetic terms glassy eyes are more attractive as we are conditioned to respond to them, again this happens all without us knowing.

Imagine now how many messages are being set and picked up by us with out us knowing… Until now!

Dealing with Fears & Trust

When dealing with fears and trust issues many people don’t believe they fear anything in their lives, but when you go deeper into what is guiding their lives you can easily discover many fears at play without them knowing.

We will all naturally move towards pleasure and away from pain, and we all do this without thinking. So if this happens automatically, what are you moving away from without knowing, and is this really the best decision for you?

Dealing with your fears

Not understand your fears can create lives you don’t want, so Relationship Coach Stephen Hedger looks at how fears in relationships can help you attract the wrong people, and live the wrong life, resulting in you feeling that something is always wrong or missing.

In relationships, fears play a big part in all our lives. We fear being hurt by giving ourselves totally to others.

This is why trust is such a foundation of our relationships. Most people view trust in connection to affairs, but trust is needed in every area of the relationship.

  • We want to trust our partners will look after us
  • We want to trust they will make us the most important part of their lives
  • We want to trust that their love is unconditional
  • We want our partners to want to make our lives special
  • We want our partners to help us grow as people
  • We want our partners to be always put us first

Side note: Most people would describe a list of what they don’t want in their lives, but be aware that we are all easily seduced towards all that’s wrong in our lives and this only serves to create more problems. To be successful you focus needs to be only on what you do want because this is what will drive you forward…

When we consistently receive all these things from our partners then we have proof that we can trust our partners to help us live the lives we always wanted.

When we don’t receive these things from those that say they love us, our trust gets dented and we start to fear a future with this person this will change our behaviours and move us away from them.

The problems with FEARS is this, unless a fear is proven 100% is usually only true in the mind of the individual.

Past experiences will create fear responses when similar situations present themselves. So you could create a fear to a situation with a partner that to you means they cannot be trusted.

When you consistently focus on your fears without knowing you are presenting to the world a distorted version of you. So if you are dating then you will attract people who are interested in this version of you. The real you would attract a totally different person.

In a long-term relationship your fears will create a barrier between you and your partner and so unconditional love will never be yours.

If you desire a free peaceful life, full of love, then understanding and removing your fears is a must.

  • Please note: To many removing their fears, also creates fears, because so far this distorted version of themselves has kept them safe. This is why so many people become stuck for so many years afraid to move forward or backwards no matter how hard they try.