7 reasons why so many couples are heading towards divorce

The following list is typically what I see is missing from the couples I meet in my sessions everyday who are at crisis-point and are looking for answers or a safer direction.

Their challenges can range from loss-of-love to affairs, from discovery of escort services to family issues, from loss of trust to power struggles.

You name it and i’ve seen it!

What’s interesting is these couples are all very unique, they are all driven differently and operate very different value systems and they all naturally have very unique childhoods.

Given these differences every couple has to have from me a very different approach to help them gain the answers they require, but the core practices listed below that help maintain healthy relationships are not present in a large percentage of these couples.

So I thought it might be worth while expanding on these points so you can take a look at how many of these are present or not in your relationship. [Read more...]

Why Do Women Ask For a Divorce?

What used to surprise me when I first started my practice, was how many men actively searched and came for help with their marriage problems.

When you see as many couples with marriage problems as I have over the years, you can’t help but see patterns emerge.

What I found most fascinating is the men were searching for help, but the point they searched was mainly when his wife had asked for a divorce. [Read more...]

My marriage isn’t working what do I do?

With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce it’s clear the lack of relationship education in society is taking it’s toll on innocent families. With no education on how to grow successful relationships no one is surprised by these figures.

Effectively couples unskilled in relationship building are committing their whole life to a partner with no idea how to really make it work long-term and if that person is really the right fit for them.

So what are your options when things go wrong? [Read more...]

Divorce Advice: Is a divorce the right solution?

I want to start today with a strange question, but stay with me this is important to know?

Most of you have probably at some point purchased a car, did you notice that after you bought that car, the same model seemed to appear everywhere?

How about those of you that have children, did you notice ladies that when you were pregnant the world suddenly felt full of pregnant women?

I expect most of you could relate to these very common experiences. I remember one of my clients was convinced that the year she was expecting there was a baby boom. Of course there wasn’t at all, but something was…

Whilst we are all aware of this phenomenon do you know why it happens and how it relates to the reason why people divorce?

When anyone creates a focus of attention on something that feels important, it instantly becomes magnified. The new focus is amplified and creates a distortion of perception. So when you buy a new car this distorted perception is harmless…

…BUT if you do this in your marriage when times get tough you could make a terrible decision for all the wrong reasons as your feelings trick you into a distorted belief that the relationship is wrong.

So what is really going on here and how does this relate to knowing if divorce is the right solution.

When people decide to divorce what they have been focused on is what has been wrong in the relationship and how it seems impossible to fix. If they do this for long enough they create a magnified distortion where it’s really easy to only see what wrong and everything that right in the relationship gets deleted from their minds.

This deletion phenomenon is displayed in the examples I gave at the start of this post. Before a woman becomes pregnant she will actually delete pregnant women around her. As soon a pregnancy becomes important, her focus changes and the deleting stops and they magically appear. The same happens with buying new cars.

The more anyone focuses on what’s wrong in their relationship the faster they start to feel bad inside and blame the relationship or their partner. Now those bad feelings are attached to their partner and this heightens the focus that something is wrong and a change is needed.

So now they are feeling bad around their partner and all they can see is problems. The vision for the future together disappears and now the only logical solution is we must get rid of our relationship and a divorce is on the cards.

What if the original focus of what’s wrong has actually been a confusion based on this distorted focus of attention? What if the meanings and feeling from this distortion has been what lead to wanting a divorce.

What if you know that something is not right in your relationship, what do you do?

My advice, don’t believe what you feel, what you feel is not the fact you think it is and the cost of getting this wrong is high.

Seek help and find out, not all people are designed to be together, but wouldn’t you want to know the truth?

Divorce Lawyers and Clients: A United Front

Rosemary Savage a leading Matrimonial Solicitor with thirty years experience in the field of family law and mediation and senior partner of Hampstead and Welwyn Garden City based law firm, R A Savage & Co explores the benefits of life coaching and relationship break down therapy for those faced with the inevitable psychological effects of family breakdown and separation.

“As family lawyers my colleagues and I are attuned to the fact that divorce is a time of immense stress and anxiety for those persons concerned. When faced with the turmoil and reality of separation and consequential family breakdown it often becomes apparent when a client displays the characteristics of feeling that they are losing their sense of personal identity. Clients find themselves battling the feeling of insecurity about their future and whether they will ever feel able to move on with their lives and form new relationships.

In some cases, coupled with such anxieties is the feeling of stress with having to engage with lawyers and the court process which is a daunting experience whatever a persons circumstances.

Resolution the national organisation of family lawyers of which my colleagues and I are members is committed to the constructive resolution of family disputes, and describes divorce and separation as being on the life events scale ranking above imprisonment,
retirement, redundancy and only just below the death of spouse.

When conducting a client’s case it can often initially be difficult to take instructions and advise as they will often be encountering the feeling of bereavement as a reaction to changes and the loss of either a partner and/or contact with their child/children.

When met with a client challenged by the emotional turmoil of family breakdown lawyers often have to consider whether a client is ready and/or in the right frame of mind to pursue legal proceedings or alternatively whether first of all it may be more appropriate
for a client to seek the aid of medical advice offered by their respective GP and/or counselling, life coaching, relationship breakdown therapy. The decision as to this is of course that of the client but in my experience such assistance can be invaluable and helps make the process much more manageable for the client with long term benefits.

We all at R A Savage & Co have witnessed first hand those clients who have defeated their past psychological barriers as a result of having sought the aid of life coaching and relationship breakdown therapy in particular.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of lawyers consciously exploring whether there is a need for such aids in all cases and I echo the following words from Resolution;”

“To be professional is not to, as Lawyers deny our own emotional reactions exist but rather to understand them and deal with them in such a way that our reaction with, and advice given to, our clients remains objective, constructive and truly in the client’s best
interest”.
Rosemary A Savage LL B
Proprietor of R A Savage & Co Solicitors

www.rasavage.co.uk

Divorce: Should we be surprised?

With the majority of couples using trial and error as their strategy for relationship success, is it little wonder why couples have so many problems that end in divorce.

Relationships are probably one of the most important parts of our lives and yet receive so little formal education/attention as we grow up.

How can any of us be expected to understand our relationships if we are never shown how.

Schools, parents, governments, us? Who is responsible for helping us and at what point would that help be most effective and what sort of help would be most effective?

Most of our parents are just as lost as we are, but like it or not we model our parents way of creating our relationships because it the only reference we really have.

The only time people really search to find out more about their relationships is when things are going seriously wrong. Even then they wait far too long before seeking the help they needed years before.

There seems to be a lot of stigma in seeking help, but more than that, there is massive lack of confidence that it will actually work?

One of the question I am asked is how much does my help cost. The reason I am asked this is because society on the whole sees getting relationship help as a massive financial and emotional gamble.

To be honest I can see why, I receive so many people who have experienced relationship help in other forms and have seen little to no results.

One lady seeking my help had been seeing her therapist for a massive 10 years. The therapist clearly had no idea that she had become part of the problem she had promised to help.

One gentleman had been seeing his counsellor for 2 years. Whilst he said he felt better, his real problems were still there, and so he wanted a different approach from me. 5 weeks later he was seeing a massive difference.

One of the many reasons why I decided to do this kind of work was because in my twenties I was appauled at the support my relationship had received by a couples counsellor. She basically charged us £40.00 to argue in her house. Her support actually accelerated our break-up.

Unless you understand how relationships really work and how to get the best out of each other, then how can you be sure that you will not become a statistic.

Education is the key: I believe that all couples need education…

This is the key factor I use in the work I do with couples. This education gives people the tools and the confidence to communicate what they really need.

  • I help people understand why their relationships failed so they don’t repeat the same pattern in their next relationship.
  • I helps couple pre marriage understand what has to happen to keep their love and passion for each other alive.
  • I help couples in crisis understand what is really going on in their relationships.

Education stops the trial error strategy that’s designed for disaster.

We do not have all the knowledge we need to understand our relationships and so whatever your beliefs are today are you sure that what you think you know will actually work.

Plus it’s much better fun understanding yourself and each other long before you really need crisis help.

Dating Marriage Separation Divorce Services

I was just having a spring clean of the typical relationship services I offer here in the UK.

If you are experiencing relationship problems Stephen Hedger has Relationship Clinics in Harley Street London, Aylesbury and Haddenham Buckinghamshire.

For an appointment or more information
call now on 0845 519 4808

He offers help, support, and advice on a full range of simple to complex relationship problems. Below is a list of common relationship problems you may have and the solutions that will be focused on during your sessions.

Break-ups

The problem: Dealing with break-ups can be a stressful and traumatic time. You may want to accelerate removing the pain of your break-up, or want to understand why it happened, or maybe you just want your ex-back.

The solution: Whatever you have experienced, the focus will be on helping you rebuild your life step-by-step specifically designed for your happiness. The focus will be on personal growth, confidence, self-esteem, and self-discovery to ensure this does not happen again and you have totally confidence in your future decisions.

Finding Mr or Mrs RIGHT

The problem: Are you struggling to find the right relationship for you? Do you find that you keep meeting the wrong people, or you find that your relationships keep ending and you don’t understand why.

The solution: You will discover how to attract the people who are the best fit for you, combined with understanding why past relationships have failed. This is a journey of self discovery when you learn how to connect with the real you. When someone becomes fearful of anything in their lives then they attract a totally different person than if they were confident and secure. The problem is fearful people are not aware of their fears and so feel fears as a normal way to live.

Relationship Problems

The problem: When persistent problems hit relationships and nothing you do seems to work, getting professional help fast is critical. As each day passes it’s another day of you both attaching insecure feelings to each other and that rocks the foundations of your trust. Without trust there is no relationship.

The solution: You will learn how to understand your problems and deal with them in a positive way with guidance on how to manage future problems, and what it takes to build passionate lasting relationships.

Igniting stale relationships

The Problem: Without realising your relationship can shift from magical passion to humdrum. You may love your partner, but you long for the days of passion, excitement and adventure. When real lives hit relationships the excitement that they felt with each other can fade and so they look for many other ways to fulfil their needs. This could be with friends, family, children, hobbies, work and even affairs.

The solution: You will discover what caused your initial excitement with each other and the steps to getting it back. We can be excited about new partner without knowing why and so when the passion goes we struggle to get it back. Because everyone agrees that over time the passion goes you then assume it’s normal. The reality is you have listened to more people who also don’t know how to keep the passion alive and more importantly what you’re doing to kill it.

One foot out of the door

The Problem: One of you may be feeling that ending the relationship is the only option. In some situations that could the right decision, however, 99% of the reasons the couple want to split, is because they don’t feel good around their partner and they have made their partner responsible for their feelings which they created without knowing.

The solution: If this is the case then the relationship can be saved and grown into the one the couple planned to have. You will discover where your relationship really is, because you’re likely to be seeing it as worse than it is.

Divorce Support

The problem: Divorce can be one of the most traumatic events in a person’s life. Coping with the break-up of a family combined with anger, resentment, lawyers and their cold approach. This can be a daunting and worrying time for anyone as your life seems to be out of your control.

The solution: You will receive support with coping with the divorce itself, and the steps needed to re-building your new life. You will discover how to build confidence, strength and self-esteem into your relationship with yourself so you can trust your decisions and understand with clarity what in your world will give you happiness.