FEELINGS: What is your mind really trying to tell you?

Feelings are very powerful and life changing decisions can be created from them, especially if we keep having the same feelings about the same things.

For example: My husband doesn’t understand me, or my wife is so negative. If people keep having this experience what feelings will they experience and what meanings will be created?

The wife that thinks her husband doesn’t understand her is going to have feelings that means he doesn’t care. The husband that thinks his wife is always negative is going to feel she is impossible to please.

Practiced enough these two feelings can lead a couple to [Read more...]

Why are women most likely to file for a divorce?

Todays post is not just a warning to men it’s a message to men and women to beware of what’s happening in their own relationships without them knowing.

To be clear both people are 100% responsible for protecting their relationship.

Statistics are clearly showing that over 70% of women are filing for divorce and there are really good reasons for this.

This trend is actually very easy to understand once you know the significant differences between men and women.

The way men work is they like to get rid of their own problems very quickly. They can do this because they are less emotionally connected to their problems.

Women don’t work this way and their problems can have a bigger emotional affect on them. [Read more...]

I wanted to know if my emotional future was safe? I got my answer, the question now is yours?

I am going to REVEAL the truth today to why so many couples are struggling. This is the foundation to many of the problems we all face.

This problem affects many areas of our lives and is alive and most active in all personal relationships without couples knowing.

The problem we all face, me included, is ‘we’ (humans) are so conditioned to protect ourselves from painful feelings we totally miss the ability to be able to create true happiness and fulfillment.

If you can understand this it’s the start of your own personal journey to freedom and if you have children it will help you to keep them safe emotionally. [Read more...]

My marriage feels dead and the love has gone. Please help?

If you have lost your feelings for your partner then this means you’ve probably spent sometime feeling that your partner doesn’t understand you.

You may feel that you’ve told them you are unhappy, but they have done nothing about it and so now you think they don’t care.

Or maybe you think they do care, but whatever they do does nothing for you now.

Maybe all you feel is resentment and you have lost respect for them. [Read more...]

Marriage reconciliation: Can a marriage with years of problems be saved?

Marriage Reconciliation is it possible really?  Well those that have been reading my posts for a while now will know my answer. Why? Because I see it every day in my practice.

BUT today I’m going to share with you how it’s actually possible, why do my clients create a shift that changes their marriage from a total belief it’s NOT possible to solve their marriage problems to creating a connected passion that’s deeper than they have ever experienced. [Read more...]

“Home became quite hostile which affected our children…”

Tim and I went to see Stephen Hedger because after nearly twenty years together our relationship seemed to have fallen into an unhappy rut which neither of us knew how to get out of.

Like most couples at the beginning of the relationship we were blissfully happy and both felt incredibly lucky to have found each other and looked forward to sharing our lives, making a family of our own and growing old together.

Life was good to us generally but the everyday stress of work, three children and buying a house we couldn’t quite afford slowly chipped away at our relationship.  [Read more...]

The art of understanding the woman you say you love

If you want to master this skill, the starting point is to remove your judgement of her words and actions, trust me here, because the cost to you is huge.

The reason I ask this is because if your judge her by your own emotional filters, the meanings you will put to her words and behaviors will not reflect her intent, they would reflect your intent if you were to behave that way.

To clarify you can’t translate her behaviors and give those behaviors a meaning and then make her responsible for your meaning. [Read more...]

How To Understand The Opposite Sex

No matter what we do in life, what career we have how much money we earn, unless we have fulfillment in our personal relationships, life can feel very wrong.

It’s knowing that true fulfillment sits in our ability to have a successful personal relationship is what makes such a difference to my clients happiness.

Many people think that money will give them all they need, or adulation from their professional audiences is their key to happiness. [Read more...]

Marriages out of control

I once had a mentor who said “whatever you want in this world find someone who has what you want and find out what they did to get it”. Another mentor said “…you could also learn from those that have failed. Learn what they have done and avoid doing that”.

So here is what I see couples doing that I strongly suggest you avoid doing.

Couples who are in trouble struggle to communicate, and they are focused on trying to be right losing sight of what they are really trying to achieve. [Read more...]

How important is forgiveness in a relationship?

In my last post I focused your attention to one of the keys to building a healthy successful marriage.

That focus was on the ability to repair the relationship when things go wrong. It is normal for all relationships to have problems, what’s key here is what happens next?

Does the couple resolve the problem and grow closer through understanding, or is a hidden resentment the outcome?

Resentments are powerfully destructive in relationships and so communicating, understanding and forgiving each other is critical for relationship harmony. [Read more...]

We Build Walls Of Protection Around Us When Marital Problems Strike But Does It Work?

Building a protective wall around us when emotional challenges strike in a marriage is a fairly normal process. The goal is usually to create security for that individual because life is not the way it should be.

He doesn’t care, she’s always negative, he never listens, she is aggressive and cold…

The question is, does this emotional wall work to create the security the person is after?

In the short-term the person can feel relief because when they shut down they can numb the pain they are experiencing.

The challenge the wall creates is it builds a 2 way block, the person will block out the pain, but they will also block out what they really need to be happy. This creates real problems for any marriage because it heads them to loss of respect and the end of the marriage.

For example:

[I have used a female in this example, but males will do their version of this too.]

If a female has tried and tried to get through to her husband and failed, she will stack her resentments towards him and eventually feel that she has no choice, but to create her own strength because he is not there for her in the way she needs.

It’s like she puts on a suit of armor so he can no longer hurt her. [Read more...]

Marriage Tip Five: Understand Why You Are Together?

Will a couple survive if they don’t share a reason to be together? Couples who plan their journey though life and work as a team towards those goals are far more likely to want to stay together because they have a real purpose.

Creating that purpose helps to build a strong lasting intimate connection.

Most couples vision starts with attracting each other, moving in, getting engaged, getting married and having children. The couple excited about life can race through these goals within a few years. [Read more...]

Do you have to understand your partners emotions before you will respect them?

Reassuring her everything will be okay

Couples who judge each other, or belittle their partners’ emotions will usually find resentment in their relationship and this can be very damaging.

One of the golden keys to a successful marriage is to take away judgment of your partners’ behavior(s).

If he or she feels something, that something is very real to them and even if it makes no sense to you, showing you care about them is critical. [Read more...]

Just because it’s not important to you – it does not mean it’s not important to your partner

You don't understand me at all...

One of the keys to a successful relationship / marriage is understanding or at least a desire to understand your partners’ emotions.

If you or your partner feels something, that feeling is real and needs to be respected.

It doesn’t matter if you agree with their reasons behind why they are upset, what’s important is the person you say you care/love about is in trouble emotionally and your job is to care and to help them. [Read more...]

Relationships and Depression

Relationships and depression is a very challenging combination for any couple because depression creates the behaviors within the person that stops them giving the relationship the fuel it needs to survive.

One question we could ask is what caused the depression, and one of the answers of course could be the relationship is the problem. [Read more...]

Does your life feel wrong?

Are you starting to wake up and you realise that the life you have is not the life you thought you were going to get. Did you think your life was going to be different?

Maybe the problem is your money, your job, maybe it’s your relationship. Whatever the problem you now face if you want to fix it then you have to understand why you are in pain.

The formula for creating emotional pain is…

Pain in any area of life is caused when how you think it should be, does not match your perception of how it actually is. [Read more...]

The Secret to Taking Charge of Your Life Today!

Today I’m going to share with you one of the most profound distinctions i discovered when learning about how to build a successful life. My question was how do we take control of what happen to our lives, what’s the foundation to building a successful relationship, becoming successful in our careers and discovering our true purpose in life.

The answer I discovered is we need to make it our mission to master our understanding of our own internal worlds.

We are conditioned to believe and accept that our outside world is the driver for what we become and what happens in our lives.

This is an illusion that keeps us stuck, because if we feel our outside world has the power to help us feel a certain way then we are powerless within it. I will explain why… [Read more...]

Real People Real Stories: I lived with a narcissist for 14 years!

…so I went to Stephen for break up counselling.

“My divorce lawyers were worried about me, once I had met Stephen they were so impressed. It helped me to be stronger through the divorce process and more clearer in thought.  More able to fight for myself.”

Her Story starts here…

She tells the story of her personal horror, how she was controlled and mentally abused. How she took back control of her future and is rebuilding her identity her strength and her life. [Read more...]

She wants to be understood

No matter if you’re dating, or you have been together for years being understood is one of her biggest needs. If she feels he doesn’t understand her, this can scare her, it can help her to feel lonely, unloved, uncertain and that she doesn’t matter to him.

If it goes on for long enough she can feel numb and detached from herself and him in the relationship.

She will know she has changed and will feel he has too. [Read more...]

Top 10 Reasons Why Your Sex Life Will Die

The most common symptom of a struggling relationship is when the passion/intimacy dies. Sex in a relationship is a powerful barometer of how the relationship is really doing.

Everyone expects the passion to be heightened when they first met, but unfortunately the view is that over time it dies and this view seems to be widely accepted.

The reality is this does not have to be the case, if it has died it has died for a reason and that reason is not time. You both have to consistantly do something for your sex life to stop.

So let’s look at the top ten reasons why your sex life could be on it’s way out…

[Read more...]