Get your marriage back on track – For Men

Too many couples wait far too long before they seek help. Men in particular are really struggling to see how bad the relationship really is for her and he only wakes up to the true severity of the problem when she says she doesn’t love him, or she wants out.

So many men have sat in my sessions totally confused about how it got so bad so fast. The truth is for her it’s likely to have been bad for a while he has just missed the signs.

The chances are for her the problems have been consciously present for at least two years. Some women communicate problems and fears from the start of the relationship. [Read more...]

Can you really trust what you feel?

Todays post is so important to understand because too many couples are in trouble for a reason they are not connecting to. So I want to help you understand what can happen to a couple that could lead to a disconnection.

When couples try to fix what they think is the problem most couples will fail, but without knowing the real reason why. This can lead them to the wrong assumption about their relationship and so sadly they give up.

So imagine this, a person has felt bad in a relationship for a while and has attached those bad feelings to the relationship, so far a normal situation, but…

What if this person has actually created their own bad feelings and without knowing incorrectly made the relationship responsible?

This situation is very common, but is then confused by their partners reaction to this new emotional state in them. The ping-pong of confused, negative feelings mask where the problem started and so a symptom is created for the couple to either focus on, try to fix, or ignore leaving many couples lost. [Read more...]

He was losing his marriage and felt powerless to fix it…

I was on the phone to this gentleman last week, he had been going to see a marriage counsellor for a few months about a severe marriage problem and he was concerned that they were not making the progress he expected and was going to lose his marriage. 

He had come across my service online saw it was very different and wanted to have an initial call with me to understand how my offer worked in more detail.

Before I answered his question I wanted to see if I could help him understand why they were in trouble.

So I asked him what problem they were facing. What he told me I had heard many times before. [Read more...]

A professional couple new baby at the point of divorce.

He worked in the financial sector she was a psychologist. In their initial consultation it was clear to see their relationship was dying fast. With a new baby that wasn’t sleeping I could see this couple was exhausted and emotionally empty.

Combination of punishing work schedules and a 18 month old child who was too ill to sleep had triggered this couple into an automatic destructive process that had to be interrupted.

Both were focused on protecting themselves from the other, they were displaying all the usual coping strategies of blame, recrimination and power struggles leading to unbearable conflicts and days of deafening silences.  [Read more...]

Who are the couples most likely to fix their marriage?

Couples that are most likely to fix their relationship are the ones that will do whatever it takes to fix it. They are the people who want to get to the truth even if the truth is tough.

The people who fix their relationships are not looking for the quick fix. They are prepared to do what’s hard now, so the rest of their life is easy. This is in stark contrast to those couples who’s philosophy is to repeat what feels easy whilst they battle with their problems for life.

Couples that get results are curious to learn. They are open to see the world from a new perspective, their mission is not to be right at all costs. Their mission is simply to get to the truth. [Read more...]

I give up!

The laws of life tell us that without passion a person will not be motivated to take action towards the goal they have set.

So when a person has tried all they know to fix their relationship without success and time has worn them down to feel emotionally empty, their passion to solve the problems dies and so they edge ever closer to giving up.

This is the place that many coupes end up in. They don’t have the knowledge to question how their brain is interpreting what they are experiencing, this leads them to a very limited view on their relationship without knowing. [Read more...]

I can’t carry on this way…

When a person trying to save their marriage feels they have done all they can to solve their problems, they have two choices. Stay in a marriage and accept their lot, or they can seek help. Divorce is of course an option, but is last on the list. This person needs to feel they have done all they can before they bail out.

Many of those people that do want to seek help can find themselves alone in their quest. Their partner has chosen for whatever reason to not explore their relationship with a third party. I have to say I hear many horror stories from my clients about their perception of the professional help they have sought historically, so I do understand peoples reluctance.

This leaves the person wanting to get help in a difficult position because they are so stuck.

So I encourage individuals to come in and [Read more...]

Relationship problems? Please read this…

If you are having relationship problems it’s got to be one of the worst challenges life can throw at us. So in todays post I want to share some critical information that you don’t get told in day-to-day life to help you. So if you want to understand and fix your problems this little know philosophy is a must if you want to get on the right path to save your relationship. 

So if I am working with a couple in crisis the reason I chose not to focus initially on the problem the couples faces is because their “problem” is going to be a symptom of a challenge in their historic dynamic.

I am always looking for this hidden challenge in their dynamic because this is the real key to helping them solving their problems. [Read more...]

Panic!

You have tried everything you can think of to fix your marriage and nothing works, you may have tried counselling and that’s not helped and now you’re looking at really big problems. Stay in a marriage that doesn’t work, or go for a divorce that’s scary one minute and attractive the next.

When you’re running out of choices of what to do and the options are looking like big life changing decisions that will affect so many it’s so easy to panic and make the wrong decision.

Now it might be that divorce is right for you, so finding out what direction will lead you to real safely is important, so… [Read more...]

Why is my marriage failing?

The answer to this question is so important to understand no matter what the outcome. If you want to keep your marriage then naturally you have to understand why it’s failing to fix it.

But did you know that if a marriage fails and why it’s failed is not fully understood then that person should expect problems to follow them.

Look at this awful situation of not knowing why his marriage failed and what it did to this man and his family.

Two years ago I spoke to a gentleman who had divorced his wife and left his family. At the time he felt this was the best decision for him because they had spent so much time in conflict and he felt [Read more...]

Now discover why couples keep failing to fix their problems

The keys to keeping a marriage successful is understanding the real problems in your marriage and focusing on the steps most likely to fix those problems.

I am constantly at the sharp end of all manner of marital challenges and I can tell you that for most couples the problems they come to the sessions with are not the problems I have to fix.

So a couple might come with detachment problems, loss of love, sexual disconnection, frequent conflict, money problems, controlling behaviours, communication issues to name a few.

The couple will feel these specific challenges are their problems and could have tried to fix them, most will be unsuccessful.  [Read more...]

You just don’t care about me!

She was desperate, she had tried and tried to get through to him. In the early days he did his best to comfort her, she liked the attention, but she knew deep down he didn’t really understand her.

As time passed she tried to get through to him, but his patience worn thin, no matter what he did she was miserable, rude and aggressive. He felt controlled, disrespected and untrusted. He tried to fix her problems, but she lacked respect for him and his efforts. He felt life with her was hopeless, he knew communication was fruitless so he stopped.

This worried her and so she became more upset, she said things she didn’t mean through frustration, she hoped he would wake up to her emotions. He didn’t, the more upset she became the more he retreated. Sometimes through frustration he would attack her verbally other times he would shut down and escape, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally. [Read more...]

I feel detached from my partner, what is happening to me?

Detachment is the process of self protection. The person may feel that over months or years they have not been happy in their relationship. They may feel that their partner does not care about them, is not interested in them, or simply doesn’t love them.

The persons feelings towards their partner will have changed and the relationship can feel wrong to continue. Reconnection for this person can feel impossible and the desire to fix the relationship problems are usually very low.

The person in this situation will have a vision that the past will be a reflection of the future, so it’s painful for them to even consider, all this is normal. [Read more...]

Marriage Guidance Advice

Marriage guidance advice is about discovering what you don’t know about your marriage that could cause you significant problems either now, or in the future.

For example:

  • If you can’t communicate do you really know why?
  • If the intimacy in your marriage has died, can it ever come back? [Read more...]

What she wanted…

What she wanted is for him to learn about her, to care about her and help her to feel that she was number one in his life. She wanted to feel that if he touched her it was because he wanted to get to know her and not that he just want to get something for himself.

She wanted with all her heart for him to help her feel safe and that just being her was enough for him.

She wanted him to look into her eyes and help her to know he would be there forever no matter what happens. [Read more...]

Men do you want to win your marriage back?

If you want to win her back then this could be for you. She might have told you she loves you, but she’s not in love with you, you may think she is having a midlife crisis. She may have told you she’s had enough and she wants a divorce.

Whatever she has said and no matter what she has done, don’t give up.

One of the key reasons men struggle when their marriage goes wrong is they use male logic to try to fix their problems. [Read more...]

Should you leave your marriage?

If anyone is asking this question then clearly it’s time to start taking action. No one should be in a relationship that helps them to feel consistently bad ever!

So what should you do?

The first step is to see if it’s possible to fix what is helping you to feel bad about yourself when you are with your partner.

Many couples who work with me discover that together over time they have created a dynamic that doesn’t work without knowing, but it doesn’t mean they are not compatible. [Read more...]

The Tipping Point

If a relationship problem has not been resolved in the way the person needs, it becomes an unresolved problem for that person.

If the person continues to experience problems in the relationship then the unresolved problems start to stack up.

If the stacking of the unresolved problems becomes bigger than the stacking of the pleasurable feelings, then a person will hit a tipping point. This point is where they stop contributing to the relationship in they way they would if they were happy. [Read more...]

I was on the verge of breaking a 4 year relationship

Loss of communication, lack of understanding, lack of respect and vision for the future now gone. Anyone could see this relationship was dead.

In fact it was dead, but the death was not permanent. This couple invested their time into my premium 3 month Divorce Prevention Program.

Just like many others they learnt how to rebuild their relationship from the ground up. [Read more...]

How to save a relationship in crisis?

In today’s post I’m going to look a relationships in crisis and what you have to stop focusing on to fix it and what will give you the best chance of discovering the truth in your relationship.

A relationship crisis can happen for many reasons and it’s a hideous place for both people to be in. Full of uncertainty, fears such as rejection, betrayal, loss of love, feeling of not being enough. The couple can feel it’s hopeless as they are powerless to see how they can overcome their problems. Especially if their problems have been present for a while. [Read more...]