Surviving a relationship break up

If you are going through a relationship break up, or you are struggling to get over a relationship, even though many months have past, it’s very likely that you will be running the same questions, thoughts or movies in your mind over and over in your head.

You might wake in the morning and just for a split second you forget what’s happened and then the horror reveals itself.

You go through the day determined it will get better, but everything seems to remind you of your ex, pulling you back to the how’s and why’s, the confusions and fears.

Some of my clients that have or are going through such traumatic times will all react differently, some get angry, some get depressed, some escape inside themselves, some leave the country. Some look for love from friends and family, some redecorate, some buy new clothes, some re-style their hair.

But whatever they do nothing seems to work! The pain doesn’t go!

You see these people are running patterns that they think will keep them safe through their pain, but it’s doesn’t work.

Many say time is a healer, but unless the individual learns from what’s happened, all time will achieve is a harder, bitter version of them ready for the next bout of pain.

Time will only heal if you know what to do with that time.

You see, break ups are usually full of negative emotional states, creating lack of confidence, self doubt, stress, depression, anger, revenge, hatred etc…

All those feelings are based on one thing… FEAR.

  • Fear of not being enough
  • Fear of not being loved

If all that comes out of a break up is a tougher you, or a depressed, or angry you then this is FEAR at play here too.

The goal in life is to remove your FEARS only then will you be truly free.

FEARS are powerful, they will create states within you that stop you living the life you were born to live. FEARS change the way you behave and so they will redesign your future if you don’t learn how to take control of them.

Fears also shut down the internal mechanisms designed to keep you safe long term. FEARS are designed to get you out of danger fast. But when you are in bed at night you are not in danger the only thing to fear is your own mind, out of control torturing you all over again.

So is fear your enemy? No the fears are designed to help you to change what you are doing and what you are thinking.

The problem is most people don’t know what to change and how to change and that’s why they stay stuck.

If you need help please get in touch because there is a way to a new freedom, confidence for you if you want it. This is not about changing you, it’s about reclaiming the real you, the wonderful you that sits inside trapped!

Is it time to… free that person within you now?!

MP3 Hypnosis Downloads For Home Use

If you have ever considered hypnosis and wondered what it is like? Would you like to try it in the privacy of your own home? This could be a great introduction and very low cost way to explore what it can do for you. This company is highly professional and has created a vast selection of MP3 Hypnosis downloads below designed to help you with many common problems. As you know I rarely promote others on this site, but this is a company I am delighted to share with you my valued reader.

Please feel free to check out the links below and explore what could make a difference in your life today. To your success, Stephen Hedger

MP3 Hypnotism sessions
Addiction Help
Beat Cannabis Dependence
Overcome Chocolate Addiction
Drink Less Coffee
Stop Using Smokeless Tobacco
Moderate Drinking
Diminish Alcohol Abuse
Shopaholic?
Prevent Alcohol Relapse
Stop Drinking Symptoms
Beat Gambling
Obsessive Thinking
Addiction to Porn?
Compulsive Masturbating
Stop Obsessive Cleaning
Stop Obsessive Checking
Internet Addiction
Kleptomania
Gaming Addiction
No More Adrenaline!
Overcome Hoarding Syndrome
Heroin Addiction Treatment
Anti Aging
Facelift - No Surgery
Age with Zest
Live Longer
Cope with Hair Loss
Fear of Aging
Bad Habits
Healthy Lips
No More Sucking
Stop Picking Your Nose
How to Stop Scratching
Stop Nail Biting
Compulsive Hair Pulling
Healthy Skin
Eyelash Pulling
Control Wine Drinking
Think About What You Buy
Bad Habits
Cancer Treatment
Clinical Hypnotherapy
Troubled Childhood
Stuttering Therapy
Wake to a Dry Bed
Repeating Nightmare
Hyper-Sensitivity to Noise
Body Dysmorphia Complex
Gag Reflex
Manage Hyperactivity
Stop Harming Yourself
Disfigured?
Escape the Cult
Communication Skills
Assertiveness Training
Saying No
Conversation Starter
Stop Cursing
Filling Nervous Silences
Over-Defensive?
Assert Yourself
Stop Apologizing
Stop Gossiping
Speak Out!
Stop Arguing
Talk with Tact
Stop Complaining
Handling the Critic
Be Funnier
Say What you Think
Meeting People Made Easy
Active Listening
Can't Stop Lying?
Depression Treatment
Coming Off Depression Drugs
Depressed Husband
Depressed Wife
Depression
Difficult People
Critics
Angry Bullies
The Gossip
Relationship Control Freaks
Defend against Guilt
Dealing with the Moody Type
Drawing out Shy People
Know It Alls
Repel Verbal Attacks
Emotional Intelligence
Forgive
Don't be Embarrassed
Impulse Control
Increase Happiness
Get Over Old Issues
Envy
Emotional Stability
Be Less Irritable
Let Frustration Go
Forgive Yourself
Birthday Depression
Increase Emotional Intelligence
Greed
Express Your Feelings
Anger Management
Dealing with Guilt
Overcome Jealousy
Reduce Road Rage
Improve Your Mood
Enjoy Life
No Regrets
Seize The Day
Life and Soul
Experiment A Little!
Your Life's Meaning
Discover Your Passion
Saying Yes
Travel the World
Live In The Moment
Add More Fun
Fears and Phobias
Stage Nerves
Eat Out Comfortably
Performance Anxiety Musicians
Agoraphobia
Fear of Failure
Stop Panic Attacks
Fear of Flying
Fear of Elevators
Unfamiliar Surroundings
Fear of Dentists
Overcome Fear & Anxiety
Fear of Heights
Driving Test
Exam Nerves
Cure Bird Phobia
Overcome Fear of Hospitals
Cure Fear of Needles
Cure Spider Phobia
Fear of Driving
Fear of Success
Cure Snake Phobia
Driving over Bridges
Water Phobia
Afraid of the Dark
Enclosed Spaces
Wedding Anxiety
Can't Perform?
Death Phobia
Overcoming Claustrophobia
Relax with Dogs
Emetophobia
Fear of Others Vomit
Fear of the Phone
Relax with a Changing Life
Fear of Going Crazy
Heart Panic
Fear of General Anesthesia
Overcome Fear of Technology
Anxious in Crowds?
MD Anxiety
Terrorist Phobia
Cancerophobia
Fear of Violence
No Money Fear?
Fear of Having Photographs Taken
Scared Passenger?
Fun With Hypnosis
Hypno-Ski
Ocean Ride
Magic Carpet
Ride in a Space Ship
Learn Human History
Fly to Cloud Nine
Good Memories
Treasure Hunt Hypnosis
Grief Loss
Lost Contact
Leaving Home
Putting Parent in Nursing Home
Child Loss Grief
Overcome Pet Death Grief
Death of a Parent
Relax at Funerals
Health Issues
Healing Power
Get Rid of Migraines
Tension Headaches
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Get Rid of Warts
Stop Grinding your Teeth
Hangover Cure
Lower Blood Pressure
PMS
Great Posture
Treat Tinnitus
Improve Circulation
Excessive Sweating
Fear of Surgery
Natural Healing
Change of Life
Cure Hayfever
Facial Tics
Skin Condition
Chronic Fatigue
Breathe Easier
Terminall Ill Care
Jet Lag
MRI Scan Nerves
Travel Sickness
Managing Diabetes
Cure Reynauds Disease
Relieving Constipation
Ease Multiple Sclerosis Symptoms
Stop Squeezing Spots
Stop Essential Tremor
Increase Infection Resistance
Psoriasis Soother
Remember Your Pills
Stop Cracking Your Knuckles
Hives Treatment
Care For Yourself
Chronically Ill
Teeth Clean Habit
Muscle Spasm Treatment
Endometriosis Natural Treatment
Natural Herpes Treatment
Having To Be Near a Bathroom
Overcoming Hypochondria
Paruresis
Restless Legs Relief
Healthy Eating
Gain Weight
8 Glasses a Day
Stop Drinking Soda
Reduce Salt
Eat Smaller Meals
Overcome Anorexia
Enjoy Eating Fruit and Veg
Bulimia
Hypnosis Packs
Spend Less
Hypnotherapists
Dental Anaesthesia
Hand Numbness
Your Hand Lifts!
Arm Catalepsy
Confident Hypnotherapist
Increase Hypnosis Skills
Dealing with Resistance
Writing without Thinking
Alter Time
Learn About Hypnosis Induction
Interpersonal Skills
Stay Calm with THAT Person
Your Needs First
Stop Judging By Appearances
Criticizers
Don't Take it Personally
No Grudges
How to Accept Compliments
Quick Rapport
Negative People
Look Happier
Stay in Contact
Approaching Women
Be Popular
Speed Dating - Men
Speed Dating - Women
Socially Integrated
Bad First Impression
Make More Contacts
Importance of Eye Contact
Increase Charisma
Tricky Relatives
Woo your Partner
Saying Sorry
I'm OK, You're OK
Be a Better Friend
Setting Boundaries
Fear of Confrontation
Calm with Authority
Job Skills
Stop Crying at Work
Interview Anxiety
Public Speaking Confidence
Making Decisions
How to Ask for a Raise
Meeting Nerves?
Bad Boss?
Call with Confidence
Time Management
Starting New Job
Lead from the Front
Don't Be Late
Quicker on the Keyboard
Return to Work
Complete Your Goals
Persuader
Team Player
Work Those Papers!
Which Career?
Remember the Details
Sell More
Job Searching Optimism
Meeting Deadlines
Losing Your Job
Addicted to Work?
Being Bullied?
Learning Help
Speaking Foreign Languages
Exam Preparation
Improve Learning
Learn an Instrument
Recall Names
Back to School
Retain Read Information
Read and Retain
Spell Well
Focus in Class
Motivation Inspiration
Self Motivation Booster
Achieve Your Potential
Motivation At Work
Promoting Yourself
Drive to Succeed
Business Promotion Motivation
Expect The Best
Be An Entrepreneur
Big Ideas
Beat Failure
Energy Booster
Relief from Pain
Arthritis
Pain Management
Lessen Pain
Hip Pain
Relieve Knee Pain
Phantom Pain
Fibromyalgia Pain
Myofascial Pain
TMJ Pain Hypnosis
Neuropathic Pain Treatment
Parenting Skills
Worry Less About Your Children
Enjoy Motherhood
Lone Parent?
Patient Parent
New Dad
Not Your Parents
Assertive Parenting
Dealing with an Empty Nest
Parents - Feel Guilty?
Living with Teenagers
Over-Protective Parents
Your Family as a Team
Crying Baby
Self Improvement
Overcome Learned Helplessness
Personal Improvement
Clean the House Happily
Release Creativity
Increase Sympathy
Confident Retirement
Expand Your Comfort Zone
Dealing with Uncertainty
Single Person Household
Home Improvement Motivation
Develop Your Character
Introvert to Extrovert
Fear of Being Alone
Lighten Up
Always Losing Things?
Personal Finance
Rich Thinking
Money Saver
Trade Calmly
Charge What You're Worth
Relax About Cash
Affluenza
Personal Fitness
Exercise Motivation
Go to the Gym!
Get On Your Feet!
Personal Productivity
Get Out Your Own Way
Less Television
Stick to Your Guns
Beat Laziness
Get Moving!
Improving Concentration and Focus
Creativity Booster
Overcoming Procrastination
Organize!
Persevere!
Increase Self Discipline
Reach Your Goals
Keep on Track
Get Published
Obstacles Into Opportunity
Writing Songs
More Books
Write A Book
Just Do It!
Increase Your Productivity
Writing Unblocker
Personal Skills
Develop Optimism
What People Think
Perfectionistic?
Patience, Patience
Know Yourself
Stop Being Picky
Dress Well
Be Less Passive
Best Man Speech
Boost Willpower
Inner Power
More Manly
Be Luckier
Be More Intuitive
Increase Emotional Resilience
Improve Tolerance
The Gratitude Attitude
Personally Courageous
Keep Going!
Play More
Best in Others
Fewer Material Things
Be More Flexible
Improve Your Appearance
Positive Attitude
Be Responsible
Negotiation Training
Keeping Secrets and Promises
Cool Head
Pregnancy Childbirth
Reduce Morning Sickness Symptoms
Infertility
Enjoy Breastfeeding
Pregnant and Proud
After Losing a Baby
Connect with Baby
Depressed After Baby?
Quit Smoking
Quit Smoking - Stay Stopped
Relationships
Feel Attractive Now
Other Peoples' Fault?
Independence in Relationships
Insecurity in Relationships
Fear of Commitment
Spark Your Relationship
Get Over a Relationship
Unreturned Love
Get Over Divorce
Ending a Relationship
Love Others Happily
Hurt Before?
Newly Single?
Save Your Marriage
One Partner Only!
Abusive Relationships
Stop Choosing Mr Wrong
Survive Infidelity
Fear of Abandonment
Recover Your Trust
Adopted?
Stop Being Unfaithful
Siblings Fighting
Let Divorce Go
Approve Yourself
Friendship's End
You and Your Mum
Be More Emotionally Intimate
Love Your Partner's Faults
Enjoy Family Gatherings
Fear of Rejection
Relaxation
Breathing Technique
After Work Relaxation
A Healthy Rest
The Four Seasons
A Warm Place
The Island
Meditate and Relax
Quick Self Hypnosis
Crystal Ball
House of Deep Rest
Meditation Hypnosis
Massage
Tranquil Mind
Go Into Hypnosis
Power Nap
Beach Relaxation
Relax with the Trees
Meadow Relaxation
Vacation Mindset
Mountain Hike
Relax!
Personal Development
Building Self Confidence
Confidence Builder 2
Dealing with Peer Pressure
Learn with Confidence
Believe in Yourself
Enjoy Dancing
Teach with Confidence
Dating Confidence
Relax with Men you Like
Good-Looking Women
Flirt With Confidence
Self Esteem
Building Self Esteem
Overcome Insecurity
Cure Self Hate
How to Accept Yourself
Inferiority Complex
Stop Blaming Yourself
Stop Self Pity
You're Smarter Than That
Find Who Your Really Are
Relationship Self-Respect
Sexual Problems
Shy when Naked
Sexual Enhancement - Male
Sexual Enhancement - Female
Enhance Female Libido
Enhance Male Libido
Problems Ejaculating?
Losing Virginity
Anxiety about Sex
Stop Premature Ejaculation
Cure Impotence
Make Sex Easier - Women
Sex Compulsion
Sleep Problems
Snoring
Wake Up Quickly
Insomnia Cure
Stop Sleepwalking
Get to sleep
Drift off to Sleep
Dreaming of Sleep
Deep Sleep of Kids
Go Back to Sleep
Early to Bed
Talking in your Sleep
Social Anxiety
Be Yourself Socially
Overcoming Shyness
Cool Down Blushing
Self Conscious
Nervous Laughter
Uncomfortable Silences
Stop Nervous Coughing
Hot Flushes
Speaking in Groups
Be More Social
Social Phobia
Hypnosis for Sport
Mental Toughness
Fast off the Blocks
Golf - Playing Hazards
Tee Off with Confidence
Putting
Super Swing
Think like a Winner
Pre-Game Nerves
Tennis Serve
Heal Sports Injury
Martial Arts
Ten Pin Pro
Keep Running
Karate Timing
Perfect Freethrows
Run That Half Marathon
Taking Penalties
Get Focused
Archery In The Zone
Play Better Snooker
Stress Management
Awaiting Results Worry
Midlife Worries
Break down
Relieve Stress and Tension
Stress Management Training
Stress-Less
Beat Burnout
Life After Work
Declutter Yourself
Overcome Overwhelm
Carer Stress
Failed Your Exams?
Bankrupt? Bounce Back!
Reduce Time Pressure
Get Out That Trap!
Moving House Stress
Neighbor Problems
Working Mother Stress
Thinking Skills
Stop Negative Thoughts
Do you Worry a Lot?
Think More Positively
Think The Best
Stop Comparing Yourself
Stop Magical Thinking
Decide Now!
Dealing With Disappointment
Creative Thinking Strategy
Improve Objectivity
Overcome Rumination
Overcome Paranoia
Weight Loss
Perfect Your Body
Weight Loss - Eat Healthy
Eat Slow
Think Yourself Thin
Super Slim Me
Stop TV Eating
Emotional Eating
Boredom Eating
Stop Binge Eating
Sweet Tooth
Healthy Food
Stop Comfort Eating
No More Fast Food
Weight Loss Motivation
Stop Snacking
Keeping Weight Off
Low Carb Diet Mindset
Stop Night Eating

Meeting a Mans Basic Needs

Yesterday we looked at how men can meet a womans basic needs, today we are going to discover how a woman can meet a man needs in a relationship.

I must stress that everyone is different and this is just a start, but on the whole if you can make a start in this direction you will be making good progress.

Meeting a Mans Basic Needs

  • A man needs to know her love for him is unconditional, he needs to know that he is loved whatever mood he is in. The love you give him needs to be like the love of a child, so that even if he has done something wrong he still feels that love from her.
  • Men love to be surprised in the ways you show your love and especially if you do this sexually. If a man knows you are planning a sexual adventure for him and you feel free enough with him to show your darker side he will feel great inside and attach that great feeling to you. (… I saw the humor too :-) ).
  • He needs to feel he is important as a man in the relationship. Discover ways to help him feel that his masculine presence is important to you in the relationship. Let him know that he does good job as a partner, provider, father he needs to know he is pleasing you. (CRITICAL)
  • Discover what he needs that equals love to him, and then give that love. It could be your smiling face, a regular touch especially in public, it could be making his favorite meal, or of course planning sex.
  • If she then commits to meeting all his needs above whilst showing a desire to give more to him and working with him towards their chosen goal.
  • If she like him commits to meeting his needs in the way that feel important to him without trading for something in return and both people are doing this. A trusting passionate relationship starts to grow.

You see if you can trust your partner to give you want you need in the way you want it, you would never have a need to go elsewhere to feel good again.

If you feel that you cannot, or don’t want to give to him in the way he needs, the question is why? Of course I will be delighted to help.

If you feel like commenting your thoughts would be valued. Comments below!

7 Ways To Create A Better Relationship

We all want a better relationship so what has to happen for that to be a possibility. Let’s make the assumption that better equals lasting and passionate.

1. Get addicted to meeting your partners needs.

One of the biggest relationship killers is a persons needs not being met by the relationship. The couple will start to notice that the relationship no longer meets their needs and assume the relationship is the wrong one.

2. Live true to your own values.

Anyone who has the inability to live true to their own values will be in conflict with themselves. This changes that persons behaviours and stops them being the person they are designed to be. If you feel that you or your partner have changed in some way this can the reason.

3. Make sure you have the right polarity (+-) in your relationship.

Women can get very strong if they don’t get what they need from a relationship, this means the man will usually becomes weak, or he may bully especially when she gets upset. Neither is attractive and results in the woman disconnecting with her true self. This means that intimacy can become a problem in the relationship. The man will also start to feel he can never please his partner so he will either stay and get weaker (boy like) or he will leave the relationship to re-connect with his masculine self again.

4. Never make your partner wrong or judge them.

Nobody is qualified to judge anyone else, you would have to be that person to understand why they do what they do. YOU are the only person you are qualified to judge. So if you want to communicate anything, communicate how you feel when they act in ways you don’t like.

5. Never punish your partner.

One of the key goals in any relationship is to help your partner feel great about themselves and attach all those wonderful feelings to you. If you punish your partner what happens is they attach bad feeling to you and this over time takes it’s toll.

6. Create a future that exciting

Many couples seem to have no real plan for their future together, they may have plans for their careers, but the reason they are together gets lost. What is the purpose of your relationship? What is your own life purpose and passion?

7. We all want to be with amazing people and I know many of you are disappointed with your partner and your relationship.

If you want an amazing partner in your life then the best route to it, is to become an amazing partner yourself first. That amazing you will help you to no longer fear the world, and from that place you will be in a place to GIVE. GIVING is the life blood of any relationship. People that are fearful usually take from a relationship and so the relationship becomes one that trades to meet the needs of the individual.

This is not romantic, or loving in any way so it’s little wonder that trading relationships are not passionate. People who trade in relationships are disconnected to their own values because they fear something.

  • Please feel free to add your own thoughts to this list…

Relationship Break Up Ruined My life

When two people make a promise to love each other forever, and in many cases for better or for worse, the shock of a break up is like being hit by a train and plunged into darkness.

Even those that know the relationship has not been working are totally devastated when reality strikes and their partner just gives up and leaves.

You still love them, but you hate them too, you want them back, but you don’t.

The future you had hoped for is ripped from you, and you are plunged into massive uncertainty that is so scary that you can feel a shift in you, you didn’t think was humanly possible.

Of course everyone reacts differently, but these are just some of the powerful emotions that a break up causes, add children into the mix and the fall out can be massively magnified, although children can help to keep the sanity as their survival becomes more critical than your own. [Read more...]

A Life & Relationship Coach Has All The Answers, Right!? Wrong!!!

I remember having a discussion with someone about life coaching. They were aggressively against it because in her words “…how can anyone tell me..! How to live my life!”.

Many people have this misconception of what happens in coaching sessions, I suppose it’s natural to make an assumption of some kind.

The reality of coaching

Any kind of coach is there to help unlock the potential within the individual(s) so they are free to get the life they want to live.

A coach is there to support individuals through the changes they want to make so they have the best chance of getting the life they desire.

There is a massive difference between helping someone get what they want out of life and telling them what to do, or how to live their life. [Read more...]

Relationship Test – “The Love List”

I am going to do this with you so in 21 days I will share with you my results with my wife.

  • Note: For those of you that are single please do this, but use a friend as this is as much for you as it is for  them.

I like to keep things simple and discover how to create the biggest impact for couples and those seeking love. I would like to share with you this one exercise that I ask individuals and couples to complete. If you are in a couple you can do this on your own and make this a wonderful gift for your partner.

How to complete the love list

The task is to find 5 things per day you love about your partner for just 21 days. Write it down every day and present your “Love List” to your partner on the 22nd day. How you present your “Love List” after 21 days it is up to you. For those of you on your own find 5 things you love about your closest friend.

Most couples and especially those having problems spend a lot of time focused on everything that’s wrong with their relationship. This exercise creates a very different focus and result in the state of the couple.

Of course it is important that your loved ones know how much you love them, but the shift with your happiness as a result of this “GIVING” exercise is the critical factor. The real key to happiness is giving to those you love.

21 days from now the world you live in could feel very different. Remember I’m going to do this with you.

Sign up below (it’s FREE) and you will be sent a email reminder
every day for just 21 days… Starting Today!

Relationship Coaching Sessions: Why Is Love The Answer?

One of the first things a couple has to understand, is that the answer to their relationship problems is in the love they have to give each other.

What couples usually do is pull their love away when their partner does something wrong.

So in the relationship sessions the couple go through a process of understanding the importance of living by what they believe is important. Not only does pulling love away not create love, but it also creates a destructive conflict within the individual who is pulling away.

The result is a double hit of internal problems for the individual pulling away. They experince a lack of love from their partner and the inability to trust themselves to live by their own values and beliefs. This serves to further create feelings of a heightened lack of security, this feels worse and so the result is usually more punishment all round as their state deteriorates.

The sessions are designed to help the couple understand how to create the right versions of themselves. The version they will have created is one of fear that life was not going to be the way it should be for them. This is the version that is designed for destruction, and is very different from the version they used to attract each other. [Read more...]

The most important lesson…

If you don’t have the life you want today, one of the most important things to change about you is your attitude. Change your attitude about your past and do it fast. If your past is anything other than a school of learnt experiences that you can grow from, then you are in for a tough ride in the future.

Yes your life may have been full of knocks, maybe you had poor parents, or no guidance, maybe your partner left you for someone else, maybe you lost your business, or you just feel unlucky…

What do you want to happen? Do you want the next 5 years to be the same as the last?

Tell me this what will you gain from thinking about how you have been wronged over and over again. Will this lead to your happiness? [Read more...]

Are You Stuck In Your Old Story?

A young lady came to me this week stuck in her past, she had become depressed because she couldn’t get over how she had been treated by her ex. He had left her for another woman and with no money. Her ex was still with the same woman 2.5 years later and was living a wonderful life and now planning a family.

Meanwhile she was stuck depressed and full of resentment for how he treated her, she wanted to forget him, but felt that she couldn’t.

She was so traumatised by what had happened she had stayed stuck for 2.5 years. Fed up of life always feeling so bad she called me. [Read more...]

Relationship Master Skill SEVEN of SEVEN

Breaking the patterns that don’t work for YOU & YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Many couples across the world are all running patterns that are creating their futures without them knowing. Most people are unaware of these patterns and live their lives which, to them feel normal. The way they think, behave, speak everything is derived from learnt patterns.

These patterns take hold when people are growing and learning at the fastest rate. These changes happen in emotionally charged events and when we are growing up. You have heard the expressing children are like sponges.

Children don’t just take in information they take in everything, and so whatever the world is presenting to them, with no other bench mark to hand, this for them will be their normality.

It is very likely that the children will model their parents behaviours as the way to run their relationships in the future. Boys linking to in the fathers and girls to their mothers. With more and more absent fathers the male role model for children is fast becoming a strong woman designed to cope on her own. [Read more...]

Relationship Master Skill FOUR of SEVEN

Now we can start to get to the fun stuff, please remember you are free to comment or ask questions at the bottom of this post…

Many couples go through a process of expecting the passion in their relationships to die over time. So with this expectation we accept the loss of passion as apart of our lives as the process of time passes and impacts us all.

Yes that’s right…. speak to anyone it happens and we all know it does.

Well here is my take on this… The person who started that rumor NEEDS SHOOTING, all that’s happened is you, we, society has hypnotised/conditioned us to believe that this total rubbish is true. I mean talk about the best away to put young couples off life long commitments… [Read more...]

FREE 7 Master Skills Needed For A Lasting Passionate Relationship

Dear Valued Reader an important message…

From the desk of Stephen Hedger Relationship Coach

Over the next 15 days you will be receiving “FREE” The 7 Master skills needed to create an amazing lasting and passionate relationship.

I am not sure which day this week it will start, but I want you to be ready because it will change your life for ever.

As a bonus, I will also be providing you with what actions you need to take to make those master skills a success for your relationship.

Do not miss this! This could make the difference in your relationship you have been waiting for!

“Please let your friends and family know that this is coming this week and get them to
Subscribe FREE by
clicking here today!”

This is very exciting and an honour for me to be able to help you and all of my valued subscribers from all over the world.

To your success…

Warm wishes…

Stephen Hedger

Self Control Or Out Of Control

Are you out of control? Is the world responsible for not giving you the life you think you deserve? Clients come to me with a massive range of personal and relationship problems. One of the questions I ask is how do they create their own feelings.

So if a client has anger, or depression, or a fear, the question is…/h3>

  • How do they do depression?
  • How do they create anger?
  • What has to happen for fear to be possible?
  • What has to happen within them for those states to be possible?

Are you in control of your life or do you live constantly in reaction out of control?

Many people feel that situations create their feelings or someone else makes them feel a certain way, if this were a fact then if 100 people were subjected to the same situation they would all feel exactly the same way. Of course this is not possible because 100 people would experience something totally different no matter what was presented to them.

So this means that all individuals create totally unique experiences, and so their feelings and emotional responses are created by them, and not by the external event.

So when someone is shouting at you “YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY” you know that it is their interpretation of what you have done that has created a version of them that is angry at you. You did not create the anger within them, they did.

  • Do you really believe that you are so out of control that someone else has the power to control you? Or is the real truth that you are allowing them to control you? Because that’s a big difference.

Whilst people are in these poor states, if you tell them that they are responsible for how they feel it usually results in a negative response. However once they see this to be true then they start to see that if they are creating their emotions and responses then maybe there is a possibility that they can control them.

This then sets them free from all of their suffering as they start to practice the reverse of what has been making them feel so bad.

Start Here

If your relationship is in trouble and you have tried everything to fix it yourself and nothing is working then these are the simple steps that will have a massive impact on your relationship.

These are some of the key steps I use when working with couples in crisis.

Step 1 – Get leverage

I help people understand the true cost of not fixing their relationship problems. When people decide to split-up they don’t think about the true cost both emotionally and financially. The cost is always much bigger than they thought, it’s far more expensive, the emotional fall out goes on for years and massively effects their future relationships, plus their children are affected for life sometimes hating their parents. [Read more...]

Keeping The Courage

We all have moments when we say enough is enough. We feel that something is very wrong, our relationship is not how it should be, our life seems wrong we feel stuck in lives that don’t make us happy.

We go in search of answers, we speak to friends and family and all this does is create more confusion, more frustration.

We may read books or go on websites like this one. Then at the point of action where we meet those who can really help us we stop.

The courage we had that started our search has gone, and we go to a place of fear in search of all the problems that taking that final step would make us face.

  • We fear it won’t work
  • We fear we might have to face our demons
  • We fear the financial cost of going and not going

The fears we discover then paralyse us and so we lose the courage to take action. So we convince ourselves in the moment we are looking after ourselves by taking no action, but deep down we know that our fears are creating a prison of safety where we have the illusion of freedom.

Keep the courage

If you know that you need help, keep the courage. Whatever you think you will experience will not be true and will be made up from a limited knowledge of how professionals can help you. The courage that helps you to take that step opens a world about you that will free you from the many prisons you have designed to protect you.

Even when you are in the process of self-discovery, keep the courage because you will have to face you, the real you, but temporary pain against a life of freedom is a worthy trade by any standard, and for those who have been through this process their result to them is priceless.

  • You came here for a reason?!

This Is For You…

When you consider the life you really want to have, the relationships, your career, your friends, houses, cars, holidays, money what springs to mind?

As humans we always have to grow in every area of our lives, because if we are not growing we are dying. So if you consider that to be happy, every part of your life has to grow, or it will become stale and die, you really have no choice, but to decide to take action or to not.

So what has to happen for each area of your life to be ok for you?

This is the point when people become scared to dream because they are afraid to want something just in case they don’t get it. So they limit, or down play their true potential.

  • The reason this happen is because they ask the wrong questions

The real question is what sort of person do I have to become for my dream life to be a possibility? When someone considers what they have to change about themselves to get the life they desire i.e. become more confident, more knowledgeable, more valuable, more courageous, this focuses them to a different place of growth for them, rather than a big impossible mountain to climb.

Successful people in this world start off practicing being the type of people who have money, who have amazing relationships, who have powerful careers long before they ever got to their goal. If they had practised being poor, or lacking in confidence they never would have had any success.

So when you consider the life you would really like, what sort of person do you have to be become today?

To understand how to create this new you, you must understand how behaviours are generated and how if you decide on a life direction you will end up being fulfilled and happy.

There is one clear way of achieving this and that is by understanding how you work and the real power you have to influence yourself and the world around you, if only you could free yourself from your fears of not being enough.

If you want freedom to be the person you really want to be, in the life you really want to live, then understanding you is your first step.

  • I run one-on-one courses to help individuals discover who they have to be. If you are interested please let me know. Click here

Does Relationship Coaching Work?

Does Relationship Coaching Work? This is question I get asked by many new callers who are interested in coming to coaching sessions with me.

It’s an interesting question because there are many factors involved in the successful outcome of the sessions.

The process that creates the change

  • The first is my total commitment to making change happen for my clients.
  • Someone who does want change to happen, but fears the change, will need a really good reason to making that shift and so leverage is required through understanding the real cost of not changing, whilst moving them towards something far more attractive.
  • The client also has to practice what the sessions teach, so an equal commitment to applying what you learn is also critical to help you change. Whilst the coaching is accelerated learning for the mind, the client has to reinforce the sessions with constructive behaviours taught in the sessions to undo destructive behaviours potentially practised for years.
  • The clients who come to the session and don’t practice what they are taught take longer to change.
  • The clients who are totally committed to changing their lives apply all they learn in the sessions and so shift their perspectives and lives really fast.

Are you ready to change and commit to you?

Any client can make a change really fast, what takes the time is the deciding if it’s really safe to make the change they desire.

Coaching is designed to help the client(s) see their path way to a change, understand the cost of not changing and help them experience what will happen if they set themselves free from their fears. Coaching also helps people experience their fears differently so the fears have a massively reduced impact.

  • Coaching is powerful, emotional, challenging and sometimes confusing as new perspectives on life are built. You will discover more about you than you ever knew before. You’ll discover how you work and how to get the best out of you and those around you.

Coaching pulls no punches because it tells you the truth, but it also supports you every step of the way to a far stronger you, freeing from your own fears.

Still not sure?

For those of you still wondering if you are ready to make the change you know you need to make. Your fears today are an outdated  illusion, they were set-up by your mind to protect you from something in your past, but they are now outdated and instead of rebalancing your life they will only limit you, that’s why you are unhappy today always feeling that something is wrong.

  • Deep inside you, you know that’s true!

I have seen clients who have lived with outdated fear patterns for 50+ years who are now rebuilding their lives and living the life they were born to live, minus the distorted view on their world driven by their fears.

To all my valued subscribers

****News update****

I am delighted to announce that have been approached by a firm of Matrimonial Solicitors called IBB Solicitors in west London. They have requested that I offer help to clients that appoach them, who are not sure if divorce is right for them or not.

I have always believed that this is morally the right move for solicitors, however my requests to other law firms have been met by a reluctance due to their potential loss of business.

Very often couples in crisis get a totally distorted vision of their own relationship and each other and so they think that divorce is their only option.

With my guidance I will be helping couples see their relationships differently to free them from fear and then help them build on growth rather than destruction.

****News update****

There will also be a small interruption in your service due to scheduled maintenance to this website. Normal service will be resumed by Monday 13th September.

I want to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to all my readers.

To your success

Stephen Hedger

Relationship Fears Explained

What fears does your relationship generate for you, and do you know why this happens?

Do you fear abandonment, intimacy, change, rejection. Maybe you fear not being good enough for your partner.

Relationship Fears Explained: Whatever the reason, feeling fears when you want to feel love is frustrating and upsetting and if persistent can actually create the situation that is feared most.

For example if you really think your partner will leave you, you may try to control them, this then creates conditions that are unbearable to live in and so the relationship has no choice but to fail.

The reason our fears feel so powerful is because they are designed to protect us from life threatening situations. So your fears are not being used for what they were designed for and modern day living has distorted our reflex reactions to our world. We feel under threat and so we react.

If your partner does actually leave you, YOU WON’T DIE, you be hurt and feel loss of course, but you will get bored of feeling this way and will probably get on with life and meet someone new. So your life will not come to an end, yet we feel so powerfully that in that moment it will.

This can create depression, panic attacks and anxiety because our life and survival seems at risk.

When we become fearful our natural reaction is to go back to our childhood responses and so we blame others, lash out, scream, cry, or become unreasonable.

This natural reaction is just an immature version of YOU out of control.

The only way to get in control is to understand that your fears are created by you. NO ONE can make you feel anything. If you think they can then you are believing an illusion created by others who are also lost or feel in fear too.

How to create a fear

Before you are  able to react, what you have to do is turn any situation into a meaning. It is the meaning you have given that situation that has created your reaction and therefore it is you that has scared you.

Because you have never been shown a different way to experience the world you automatically feel an emotion and then attach it to the person that triggered you to create that meaning, and now they are “unfairly” in trouble with you.

By understanding that NO ONE actually makes you feel anything puts you back in control of your life, your feelings and your emotions.

This also helps you connect with the real version of you and now your future and relationship will become very different as you live a life and future in safety free of fear this helps you create different decisions.

Different decisions equals different futures. Your true future is depending on you to live fearlessly because if you don’t then your destiny and life changes to be the one you don’t want.

Make a good decision today!