To all my valued subscribers

****News update****

I am delighted to announce that have been approached by a firm of Matrimonial Solicitors called IBB Solicitors in west London. They have requested that I offer help to clients that appoach them, who are not sure if divorce is right for them or not.

I have always believed that this is morally the right move for solicitors, however my requests to other law firms have been met by a reluctance due to their potential loss of business.

Very often couples in crisis get a totally distorted vision of their own relationship and each other and so they think that divorce is their only option.

With my guidance I will be helping couples see their relationships differently to free them from fear and then help them build on growth rather than destruction.

****News update****

There will also be a small interruption in your service due to scheduled maintenance to this website. Normal service will be resumed by Monday 13th September.

I want to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to all my readers.

To your success

Stephen Hedger

Relationship Fears Explained

What fears does your relationship generate for you, and do you know why this happens?

Do you fear abandonment, intimacy, change, rejection. Maybe you fear not being good enough for your partner.

Relationship Fears Explained: Whatever the reason, feeling fears when you want to feel love is frustrating and upsetting and if persistent can actually create the situation that is feared most.

For example if you really think your partner will leave you, you may try to control them, this then creates conditions that are unbearable to live in and so the relationship has no choice but to fail.

The reason our fears feel so powerful is because they are designed to protect us from life threatening situations. So your fears are not being used for what they were designed for and modern day living has distorted our reflex reactions to our world. We feel under threat and so we react.

If your partner does actually leave you, YOU WON’T DIE, you be hurt and feel loss of course, but you will get bored of feeling this way and will probably get on with life and meet someone new. So your life will not come to an end, yet we feel so powerfully that in that moment it will.

This can create depression, panic attacks and anxiety because our life and survival seems at risk.

When we become fearful our natural reaction is to go back to our childhood responses and so we blame others, lash out, scream, cry, or become unreasonable.

This natural reaction is just an immature version of YOU out of control.

The only way to get in control is to understand that your fears are created by you. NO ONE can make you feel anything. If you think they can then you are believing an illusion created by others who are also lost or feel in fear too.

How to create a fear

Before you are  able to react, what you have to do is turn any situation into a meaning. It is the meaning you have given that situation that has created your reaction and therefore it is you that has scared you.

Because you have never been shown a different way to experience the world you automatically feel an emotion and then attach it to the person that triggered you to create that meaning, and now they are “unfairly” in trouble with you.

By understanding that NO ONE actually makes you feel anything puts you back in control of your life, your feelings and your emotions.

This also helps you connect with the real version of you and now your future and relationship will become very different as you live a life and future in safety free of fear this helps you create different decisions.

Different decisions equals different futures. Your true future is depending on you to live fearlessly because if you don’t then your destiny and life changes to be the one you don’t want.

Make a good decision today!

What Do Women Really Want?

Confused men sit shaking their heads with a question they never seem to get the answer to “What do women really want?”.

For example: He can do the same thing two days running and get totally different reactions from her? A mans logic will never understand this, so lets look inside her mind to understand what’s happening.

Socks on the floor again -  Clearly he doesn’t care about me!

Women are brilliant at turning things or situations into meanings. Women are constantly looking for the meanings behind what their men are doing, or not doing, and there is a lot of things he might not be doing.

She wants to keep checking that everything is OK, that she’s safe, and secure as she paints an picture of a future he’d better not spoil.

Men rarely feel unsafe, but women can feel unsafe many times a day.  When she feels unsafe she has to get tough and strong, but don’t be fooled, this is her mask, inside every woman is the real her screaming to get out.

But unless she meets a man who can help her feel safe, she will stay tough to survive.

Where she really wants to be

In a woman’s heart is the core of who she is, all that’s great about her sits in here. This is where she feels safe and where she can trust her decisions. When she connects with her heart, her true self, she becomes who she wants to be, free, relaxed, peaceful, secure and totally happy free from fear.

If her man can help her unlock the pathway to her heart and help her connect with that part of herself everyday then he will become the man she has dreamed of.

BUT…

The challenge is this, women live most of their lives in their head. It’s very busy and very noisy. Lots to do and worry about. There may even be a few voices shouting abuse in there “… you’re not good enough” or  “…you’re too fat for those jeans”. Combine this with chemical reactions each month that men have no clue about and yes …men have a challenge!

Also you have to combat the other women who she connects with. They feed her with more worry because a group of women will connect through their problems and fears and this raises her awareness of her problems as she connects with others who are also lost.

She will love the connection with her friends as now she’s not alone and feels important to them, but her problems are now bigger because 4 different opinions have confused her.

Her only stop left is her man relaxing after a hard day unaware of the potential storm heading his way.

What will happen and how can he help her connect with her true self?

Find out tomorrow…

Dealing with Fears & Trust

When dealing with fears and trust issues many people don’t believe they fear anything in their lives, but when you go deeper into what is guiding their lives you can easily discover many fears at play without them knowing.

We will all naturally move towards pleasure and away from pain, and we all do this without thinking. So if this happens automatically, what are you moving away from without knowing, and is this really the best decision for you?

Dealing with your fears

Not understand your fears can create lives you don’t want, so Relationship Coach Stephen Hedger looks at how fears in relationships can help you attract the wrong people, and live the wrong life, resulting in you feeling that something is always wrong or missing.

In relationships, fears play a big part in all our lives. We fear being hurt by giving ourselves totally to others.

This is why trust is such a foundation of our relationships. Most people view trust in connection to affairs, but trust is needed in every area of the relationship.

  • We want to trust our partners will look after us
  • We want to trust they will make us the most important part of their lives
  • We want to trust that their love is unconditional
  • We want our partners to want to make our lives special
  • We want our partners to help us grow as people
  • We want our partners to be always put us first

Side note: Most people would describe a list of what they don’t want in their lives, but be aware that we are all easily seduced towards all that’s wrong in our lives and this only serves to create more problems. To be successful you focus needs to be only on what you do want because this is what will drive you forward…

When we consistently receive all these things from our partners then we have proof that we can trust our partners to help us live the lives we always wanted.

When we don’t receive these things from those that say they love us, our trust gets dented and we start to fear a future with this person this will change our behaviours and move us away from them.

The problems with FEARS is this, unless a fear is proven 100% is usually only true in the mind of the individual.

Past experiences will create fear responses when similar situations present themselves. So you could create a fear to a situation with a partner that to you means they cannot be trusted.

When you consistently focus on your fears without knowing you are presenting to the world a distorted version of you. So if you are dating then you will attract people who are interested in this version of you. The real you would attract a totally different person.

In a long-term relationship your fears will create a barrier between you and your partner and so unconditional love will never be yours.

If you desire a free peaceful life, full of love, then understanding and removing your fears is a must.

  • Please note: To many removing their fears, also creates fears, because so far this distorted version of themselves has kept them safe. This is why so many people become stuck for so many years afraid to move forward or backwards no matter how hard they try.

Top 10 Ways To Create A Successful Life

If you want a great life and an amazing relationship with yourself then this list is for you. Of course please feel free to add your thoughts to this list at the end.

1. If you are in a relationship ASSUME nothing! The differences between the sexes are vast and so trying to second guess meanings and to words and gestures is impossible!

Unconditional Love – The Key To Passion!

Unconditional love is usually reserved for children. We feel that we have to hold back this special love from our partners because they could leave us, not find us attractive any more, find someone else or fall out of love with us.

So our fear is what’s holding our relationships back.

This fear is stopping you having the relationship you really want. This fear will put you on guard, your partner will notice your guard is up and so they put theirs up. All this happens without you both knowing.

Hold yourself to a higher standard before you expect others to.

If you have committed your life to your partner, then be true to your word and give your partner the real you, not the fearful one or the one who trades their love – I’ll only do this if you if you do this for me.

The rules of life are?

Whatever you want, you must first give in bucket loads first. If you want to receive trust then give trust. If you want to receive love then give your love. If you want respect give respect if you want unconditional love then give it today and every day!

No excuses no matter what you believe your partner has done, give the very best of yourself.

When both people in a relationship love each other unconditionally the fears are removed and in it’s place sits passion and a deeper connection that free and peaceful.

  • Try it today, in fact do this for 30 days, don’t tell your partner and let me know what happens.

7 Reasons: How You Know You’re In The Wrong Relationship

Being in the wrong relationship is an upsetting time, but how do you know. What do you need to look out for? Love is not always enough to keep a couple together it the following situations arise.

1. If your partners intent is to try to hurt you physically or emotionally

2. If your vision or goals for the future are totally different

3. If you believe their fears for losing you is controlling what you think and do.

4. Your partner is only interested in taking from you no matter how much you give.

5. If you dislike who you become in their company

6. You have real evidence that you cannot trust your partner.

7. Addiction to substances or gambling.

Here is a bonus one for you to consider

8. Your gut is telling you something is wrong, but you are not sure what. Register on the right for a free coaching session with me and you could just discover why you feel this way.