“Should I be in this marriage?” She asked

So I was chatting with a lady who was recommended to me and she wanted to find out if I could help her and her husband?

They were at breaking point and she was about to action lawyers, but she was unsure if she had really tried everything and had heard from a friend about me. She said she liked the idea that I don’t sit couples in their problems and focus on their past.

I asked her to help me understand from her perspective what she had experienced in the relationship.

As she was talking I could hear straight away that her husband was not protecting her emotionally and she was having to look after herself in her marriage.

I could hear she didn’t feel emotionally safe with him and she had lost all sense of who she was and was struggling to make a decision about her marriage that made sense to her. It was especially painful as she had young children and knew the wrong decision would affect them for life. [Read more...]

“I have done everything I can to save this relationship..!”

So a couple comes into see me and the message she provides me is “I have done everything I can to save this relationship, it will never change, he will never change what’s the point!?”

Both men and women can give me this blocked and self-limiting message that makes any kind of future feel impossible, however with the right support they can learn there is a way to break-through what they thought was impossible…

…I know because I see it every day.

This week is a perfect example, 12 weeks ago a lady believed that her marriage was over, but this week she no longer wants to leave her husband and can now see a future again?

What she did that was different to most people is she was brave enough to learn and breakthrough her old feelings and beliefs and learn a new truth for her. A truth that was much safer for her to live in. [Read more...]

Resentments high and passion low?

When married life is NOT turning out to be the way they hoped, it’s natural for people to stack resentments towards their partner. This has the ability to have a powerfully destructive effect on the marriage of most couples without them knowing.

In today post I’m going to talk about a powerfully hidden force that couples don’t discover until it’s too late.

When a person stacks resentment towards their partner they start to create negative attachments with their partner and their relationship.

The resentments will move them towards creating an automatic filter that converts most things in the relationship into a negative experience.

Their husband or wife can start to feel that nothing they do works or is ever good enough. [Read more...]

“Is it possible for dead relationships to be reignited?”

One gentleman reluctantly came to see me with his wife because he was considering getting out of his marriage. He said he had lost feelings for his wife. 

She loved him but on exploring their marriage I could see that she had been cycling between detaching and trying to keep the marriage alive because they have had problems for years.

The last year was particularly bad they both agreed.

I said to him that leaving a marriage and his children were going to be life-changing for everyone so was a massive step that could affect them all for years.

I asked him if he knew how his feelings had been created? Specifically, the feelings that are making him want to leave his wife.

He looked confused.

“I just feel what I feel,” he said

“I understand that, but do you know how your feelings have been created?” [Read more...]

“We are at breaking point – I just can’t continue like this…”

When someone comes to me with this message what they are after is CERTAINTY – they want me to help them out of this private hell and into a better life.

They want the pain to stop. It’s likely they have been in emotional pain and suffering for a while, some can feel themselves emotionally detaching from their partner.

In their hearts, they know that life shouldn’t be this way, but they are paralysed not sure what to do for the best. Whichever way they turn there is either more pain and suffering or total uncertainty.

They may have tried to talk about it, but they are likely to become more frustrated as they go round in circles, but not really knowing why.

Both people are likely to be exhausted with it all so they end up seeking ways to meet their needs outside of the relationship.

So what do they do? Can they be helped? [Read more...]

7 reasons why so many couples are heading towards divorce

The following list is typically what I see is missing from the couples I meet in my sessions everyday who are at crisis-point and are looking for answers or a safer direction.

Their challenges can range from loss-of-love to affairs, from discovery of escort services to family issues, from loss of trust to power struggles.

You name it and i’ve seen it!

What’s interesting is these couples are all very unique, they are all driven differently and operate very different value systems and they all naturally have very unique childhoods.

Given these differences every couple has to have from me a very different approach to help them gain the answers they require, but the core practices listed below that help maintain healthy relationships are not present in a large percentage of these couples.

So I thought it might be worth while expanding on these points so you can take a look at how many of these are present or not in your relationship. [Read more...]

Please Save Our Marriage! – Testimonial

Please Save Our Marriage! This was the first email I recieved from Darren and Sue, they were at breaking point.

When they first entered my clinic you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. This was a couple with young children on the edge, breaking up seemed like the only option open to them…

Sue recounts what happened next…

When Darren and I first came to see Stephen, Darren and I were very disconnected in our relationship. We were in the midst of a power struggle and were successfully bringing out the worst in each other in our relationship. I had pretty much lost hope [Read more...]

How to fix a broken marriage no matter what’s happened?

After developing a marriage breakthrough program for couples in crisis and applying it to the man on the street, major celebrities, to business leaders and entrepreneurs and successfully bringing these couples back from the brink of divorce time-after-time.

Here are a few of the key principals I have learnt on this amazing journey with couples right on the edge of divorce.

1. The most important focus for any couple.

I have learnt that this decision is critical not just in maintaining a successful marriage, but an essential part of the relationship building process.

Put your partner first..! If your partner feels [Read more...]

Marriage in crisis due to an affair? Learn the steps to rebuilding the trust whilst creating a brand new dynamic that future proofs the relationship.

When an affair is discovered it has the ability to create the most volcanic reactions. Infidelity has the power to shock the relationship into never being the same again ever. So if you want to save your relationship then understanding your partners’ experience is going to be critical to helping them feel safe to trust again.

The person who discovers their partner has had an affair is shocked into their own personal battle.

It’s like they become two versions of themselves. One part of them still loves their partner, and the other part is aggressively protecting themselves from their partner.

So they become confused and disoriented. No matter what they do it doesn’t feel right, they want the pain to go, but everything is a trigger that leads to their partners’ affair. [Read more...]

Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”

One of the most common problems couples face is a loss of passion. If you are in a passionless marriage then I’m going to share the most common causes and what to do about it.

When I see couples in this place I know I have to help them generate a new dynamic that reconnects them. They need to understand two things, what’s really been killing the passion and they need to learn the tools that will keep their passion alive in the future.

So let’s look at a common end result.

If the wife becomes the man in her relationship it’s a sure-fire way to make her struggle to see the point in him. If the husband feels that no matter what he does she’s never happy with him, with no solution available to him, he can give up.

These types of situations result in one or both people feeling emotionally unsafe in the relationship. [Read more...]

Marriage in Crisis? Has your partner fallen out of love with you and you want to save your relationship? Learn the steps to helping them fall back in love with you again.

Today’s post is a combination of what to do and what not to do if you want to save your relationship.

The first action a couple has to take to see if it’s possible to rebuild their relationship is to take the pressure out of the situation.

When one person has moved emotionally out of the relationship their partner is likely to be taking actions they hope will bring them back in, most people fail at this because their strategy doesn’t honour their partners’ feelings which are powerful and very real.

These are some typical behaviours people are using that don’t work [Read more...]

She was convinced her marriage was over and so she left her husband

When couples share their stories of working with other professionals with me I am always struggling to hear through their approach, where is the critical breakthrough that will enable that couple to experience a new truth in their marriage?

This particular couple came because they were getting nowhere and needed a fresh and constructive approach.

It’s key to enable a shift in a couple the couple breakthrough their own fears, their limiting beliefs, their old patterns of how marriages should work so they can start to feel free to be themselves in their own marriage.

When a couple is challenged on all aspects of their marriage from a perspective of genuine care for a safe outcome, that couple will find through key strategic shifts new ways to see their marriage totally differently. [Read more...]

Performance Coaching for Couples

Many couples are attracted to Performance Coaching strategies to rebuild their marriage because they are interested in learning a forward thinking strategy and tools that enables them to see how they can get themselves out of a horribly painful situation and into a connected and happier passionate relationship.

At the end of this post is two examples of couples that were horribly stuck, one lady wouldn’t have sex with her husband and the other couple with divorce on the cards due to significant emotional disconnection and an addiction to looking at other females in front of his wife.

Couples are asking for easy steps that will help them get out of their own personal hell, they don’t want to rake over their past, discuss what happened in their childhood or spend week after week focused on their problem they know will make them feel bad.

They want to see a path, they want to feel hopeful, they want to know what to do and they want to know if they put all this effort in will it work? [Read more...]

6 Reasons Marriages Are In Crisis Today

After working with couples in crisis for well over 15 years it’s not difficult to see the common trends that help couples migrate from attraction into marital crisis.

Before you scan through these 6 reasons below…

I have spent the last couple of days running free calls with people in severe marital crisis.

A few of times a year I like to help my subscribers with their relationship changes for free. This is 45 minutes with me working out how to breakthrough your problems.

I was of course inundated with requests. I managed to speak to as many as I could. If you want to get on this list for future calls please register here.

These people were all stuck not sure what to, so they are suffering. Some are unsure if they should stay or go, some want me to fix them. Some just don’t know why they are in this place. [Read more...]

The Real Reason – Marriages Die & How To Stop It?

The trend I see in couples with all manner of problems is a significant decline over time in their desire to invest in their relationship. They spend more time at the office, with their kids, with friends, family or hobbies.

Of course if you don’t feed a relationship what it needs it will naturally die.

The reasons people stop investing are varied

  • Circular conflicts
  • Power struggles
  • Inability to communicate
  • Loss of intimacy
  • Loss of love
  • Emotional detachment
  • Abandonment
  • Loss of passion
  • Boredom
  • Can’t see a future together

This list could go on and on… BUT are these the REAL reason a marriage will die? [Read more...]

3 Steps to an Amazing Relationship

I don’t know about you, but l like to make my life easy. I like simple steps that add massive value to my life. Easy things I can do almost without thinking about them.

Look at how I think about my day: In theory I have millions of things to focus on, but I choose to focus on just 3. My health, my marriage to the beautiful Cloe, and my Clients. As long as I add value to those three things every day life is growing in a meaningful way and it’s easy.

So in todays post I’m going to breakdown three critical areas of focus that most couples don’t do, but should. Without these three areas being looked after the relationship either will suffer, or the relationship will become vulnerable. [Read more...]

Marriage in trouble? Need a rescue action plan?

Unless a couple understands how to create a meaningful connection for both people it’s not long before all couples will start to experience problems. 

As you go through this post you will read about a couple who was at the end and they needed a swift rescue plan as they were starting to talk about divorce.

No matter how good their relationship, all couples will break it. All couples have a problem and this is NOT knowing how to repair it successfully.

How many times do couples find themselves arguing today about problems from years ago? This is an indicator of old problems not being solved and today they are just another stacked resentment. [Read more...]

Want to learn the skills and tools to stop the problems and make your relationship work again?

After developing a marriage breakthrough program for couples in crisis and applying it to the man on the street, major celebrities, to business leaders and entrepreneurs and successfully bringing these couples back from the brink of divorce time-after-time.

Here are a few of the key principals I have learnt on this amazing journey with couples right on the edge of divorce.

1. The most important focus for any couple.

I have learnt that this decision is critical not just in maintaining a successful marriage, but an essential part of the relationship building process.

Put your partner first..! If your partner feelsthat anything is more important than them expect problems. What could affect them could be anything from the attractive single person in the office, to a seemingly non-threatening hobby. This is really important, no matter what, they have to feel they come first… [Read more...]

#698: The 3 Reasons Marriages Are Failing

Today I going to share with you 3 massive areas of focus that are foundational in collapsing a marriage.

Far too many couples are not understanding why they are in trouble. They make the wrong assumption… there is no hope! They then use that emotion of no hope to break up their family.

Below are 3 core reasons couples get themselves in trouble and how resentments can start to stack to destroy their marriage. [Read more...]

#696: Resentments high and passion low – There is a natural window of opportunity to sort this out?

When a persons marriage is NOT turning out to be the way they hoped it would be, they are going to start stacking resentments towards their partner. This has the ability to have a powerfully destructive affect on this couples marriage without them knowing.

In today post I’m going to talk about a powerfully hidden force that couples don’t discover until it’s too late and an opportunity to discuss their relationship with me for free.

When a person stacks resentment towards their partner they have the ability to help the person start to create negative attachments to their partner and their relationship.

The resentments will move them towards creating an automatic filter that converts most things in the relationship into a negative experience.

Their husband or wife can start to feel that nothing they do works or is ever good enough. [Read more...]